Cliche (Candy Stories #5)

Chapter 11 part 3

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Ang dami kong concerns tungkol sa pagsayaw. Gaya ng saan kami sasayaw? Paano ang music? Paano kung may makakita sa amin? Wala naman akong lakas ng loob na magtanong kay Maxwell, hanggang sa nakapagsara na kami. Malinis ang tindahan nang iwan namin.

The night air was a little cold. Buti na lang, may bitbit naman akong mahabang cardigan. Sakop niyon hindi lang ang mga braso ko kundi maging ang tuhod ko. It stopped at almost the hem of my skirt. Ang buhok ko, hindi na nakikisama. Bumubuhaghag na, kaya nag-pony tail na 'ko. I don't know what to say, what to ask, or how to initiate a conversation, kaya nakasunod lang ako kay Maxwell.

"Hindi ka pa ba masyadong pagod? Sa unahan lang nitong park ang pupuntahan natin," sabi niya sa 'kin nang sumulyap siya.

He's being really considerate in pacing his steps. Matangkad siya at malalaki humakbang, but he was slowing down so I could keep up. Mabagal na rin ako kumilos dahil medyo pagod na 'ko. All these feelings attacking me whenever I am with him are taking toll on me.

"Uhm... Hindi pa naman ako pagod talaga." At siya nga, may sakit but instead of going home, he wanted to dance with me. Baka nagpapalipas lang talaga siya ng oras para umiwas sa mom niya. At the same time, he'd be free of our promise. He'd kill two birds in one stone.

Huminga ako nang malalim para ma-refresh. I should just focus on the dim lights of the park. Dilaw ang streetlight at dahil magpa-Pasko, may Christmas lights ang mga puno roon. They adorably blinked into different colors. May mga parol at pasabit din.

"Hindi na ba sakop ng park ang pupuntahan natin?" untag ko. Pagtingin ko sa kanya, nakatingin na siya sa 'kin. Napalunok tuloy ako. Was he looking... when I was looking elsewhere? Habang nakatuon ako sa Christmas lights at mga puno? Habang humihinga nang malalim? Alanganin akong ngumiti. Gabi naman na. I shouldn't be too ugly in the dark. The unwanted things on my face wouldn't be so offensive.

Magaan na ngumiti si Maxwell.

"Part pa rin nitong park," aniya. "Sa dulo nga lang."

Tumango ako. "Eh... uhm, ikaw pala? Okay ka pa ba? Hindi ka pa ba pagod? Do you need to take another, uh, tablet? Or medicine?"

"Hindi na. Gagaling na 'ko nito."

"Okay..."

We took in the night air, and the lights, and our matching pace. Nangingiti ako 'pag sabay kaming humahakbang. Ilang ulit kong sinubukang baguhin ang hakbang ko at pace ko, pero nagkakasabay pa rin kami. I was looking at our shadows on the road, too.

Kapag anino lang kami, bagay kami. His shadow was tall and lean. My shadow was good, too. Sana, anino na lang ako. I wouldn't be degraded into something else, because nothing could be more insignificant and featureless than a shadow. Maybe by then, I could stay by his side without anyone looking at me with disapproval.

Nilunok ko ang namumuong sama ng loob sa lalamunan ko.

I wouldn't admit it before... but I was starting to hate it to be seen with Maxwell. Katulad ni Celine, tuwing magkasama kami, parang ipinagsusumigawan kong pangit ako at ipinagsusumigawan naman ng iba na hindi kami bagay. I couldn't stand the way people look at us. Those who approved looked at me as if I was lucky and pitiful. Those who disapproved looked at me as if I was a snake. They seem to be saying:

"Tingnan mo, ang pangit no'ng babae. Ang bait naman no'ng lalaki para pumatol diyan."

"Look, this is what true love looks like."

"Look."

That's why this night was a little comfortable. This night was like a granted prayer. Because it was dark and I wouldn't be seen fully. Because we were like featureless shadows that can't be judged.