Cliche (Candy Stories #5)

Chapter 20: If I keep my heart out of sight

***

I didn't know when my tears started to fall. Nalasahan na lang naming pareho ang alat ng luha ko. Maxwell stopped kissing me and pulled me into his chest.

"I'm sorry, Aurora . . ." he whispered.

He always apologizes to me as if he's doing something bad. He apologizes at every inconvenience, at every possible pain. Wala naman siyang kasalanan. I'm crying because I could only brave for a short while.

Nanghihina ang mga braso kong kumapit sa kanya. It's magic how a kiss could teach me a lot of things. My heart ached like I was grieving again; like I found and lost something again. My heart ached because unlike him to me, I don't know how to hold on to him.

"I'm tired . . ." bulong ko na lang.

Inihiwalay niya ako sandali sa katawan niya at tiningnan ng mabibigat niyang mga mata.

"Uuwi ka ba?" aniya bago, "'Wag na."

Nangiti ako. Ganito ba siya malasing? Nagtatanong 'tapos sinasagot niya rin? 'Tapos kung may consequence gaya kanina sa game, gagawin na rin niya agad? And sober or not . . . will he always want me like this?

"I have to go home . . ."

There's Calyx who would worry. Sina Kuya at Dad rin.

For a while, Maxwell just looked at me. Napipikit siya pero pinipigilan niyang tuluyang tangayin ng pagod o antok.

"Wala naman akong gagawin," samo niya at yumakap uli. "Gusto ko lang na nasa malapit ka. Kahit ngayong gabi lang."

At kahit naman siguro may gawin siya gaya ngayon na niyayakap niya ako o gaya kanina na hinalikan niya ako, I'm already too weak and too melted to get scared and complain.

"Sige, h-hindi na ako uuwi . . ." nagawa kong sabihin. I'll just trust Cal to make alibis for me.

"Oo. 'Wag na." Maxwell held my hand and led me to the bed.

Naupo kami sa tagiliran ng kama. With a gentle smile, hinaplos niya ang tuktok ng ulo ko.

"Dito ka na matulog, Aurora," he said. "Puwede ako sa sahig."

Sasandali akong sumulyap sa nakaayos na hihigan, bago mahiga. J have no intention to sleep but baka mangulit si Maxwell. Naipit ang bawat salita sa lalamunan ko nang maglagay siya ng distansya sa pagitan namin at mahiga rin. He looked at me so gently, I had to look at him too.

We were embraced by the silence just like that. Mabibigat ang talukap niya pero pinipigilan niyang makatulog kahit na sure akong antok na talaga siya.

"Sleep na po ikaw," bulong ko sa kanya.

"Ikaw muna. Panonoorin kita."

He said it gently and sincerely, it's like I'm something good to watch over. I close my eyes so he could rest too.

"Good night, Aurora . . ."

"Good night . . ."

I kept my eyes close-nakikiramdam hanggang sa nakatulog na si Maxwell. Dahan-dahan kong iminulat ang mga mata ko at pinanood siya. Even in his sleep, he's a prince meant for a princess. 'Tapos ang kasama niya, frog.

But even frogs like me dreams for princes too. I dream to be this close to him too. I wanted this too, but . .

I dried the tear that fell from the side of my face. He might hear me crying. He might worry. Marahan akong huminga nang malalim.

Tulog na siya. Puwede akong tumakas at umalis, kahit na baka maligaw ako, kaso hindi ko kaya. The magnet pulling on me tonight is too strong to resist. I want to be with Maxwell a little longer-hanggang sa kakayanin ng kakapiraso kong tapang na manatili.