Cliche (Candy Stories #5)

Chapter 17 part 2

TCWDM: Ang magalit kay Aurora, kakagatin ko, ha? o(〒﹏〒)o

***

The next day, low energy uli ako. It didn't help that Celine's going to be at work. For sure, she'd be dazzling again, so I took a lot of time thinking about what to wear.

I'm not really into fashion because I'm ugly. Kahit ano'ng suotin ko, dahil pangit ako, displeasing ako sa mata. The one time I braved to wear a floral dress I really liked, I heard someone said na maganda lang pala ako no'ng nakatalikod. Na sana, hindi na lang ako humarap. That time, even though I know that they were the ones in the wrong, I am ashamed of myself.

Things like that has been happening since forever. Dapat sanay na akong ma-humiliate. Pero kahit na ilang ulit pang mangyari, sumusugat pa rin sa 'kin bawat isa. Naaalala ko lahat at natatandaan. Kahit 'yong mga joke lang daw ng ilang kakilala o kamag-anak, I remember it all.

I settled to wearing a peach, over-the-knee dress. May sleeve iyon. May maliit na accent belt. I took a long time ironing my hair and mentally noted to schedule a visit to the salon. I should have it rebonded to lessen my preparation time to work. I took another hour applying layers of make-up, covering all the imperfections on my face . . . which means my whole face.

My face was acceptable when I finished. Pero hindi pa rin ako dapat na masyadong dumikit kay Celine para walang masabi ang mga tao. Kahapon pa lang, she already charmed our officemates. Kahit mas matagal ako sa company, baka ma-out of place ako.

Ilang ulit akong huminga nang malalim while inside the hired car on the way to work. Nag-text lang ako kay Calyx.

Aurora Arranza:
I'm on my way to work.

Calyx Cervantes:
Told you I can drive you today too.

Aurora Arranza:
Told you no, cause you also have work po.
But thanks. J

Calyx Cervantes:
No resto review today?

He meant if there's no Maxwell today. I'm conflicted because yes, there's no Maxwell today. That's both good and bad: Good, because I don't have to worry about his effects on me. Bad, because I will miss him.

I should prepare to erase the illusion and the hope of my feelings for him. Dahil wala namang magandang idudulot. Sasaya ako sandali pero masasaktan lang din ako sa dulo. Sasaya, pero magagalit din sa sarili ko. Sasaya, pero manliliit. People will always get malicious just because we don't suit each other, and who knows what else that would cost me? The last time, it cost me precious time with Mommy. They weren't even sorry to me because they were too full of hate. At the end, there would only be me to blame because I deluded myself that I could be by Maxwell's side.

Aurora Arranza:
No review today. I need to arrange my calendar
and then finish some write-ups.

Calyx Cervantes:
Okay. I'm just a call away if you need me.

Aurora Arranza:
I know. Love you, Cal.

Matagal natahimik ang cellphone ko. It's been years since I last told him I love him like this. When Mommy died, I stopped saying it.

Calyx Cervantes:
I love you, Aurora.

Ibinalik ko ang phone ko sa shoulder bag ko at tumanaw sa labas ng bintana.

***

Natigilan ako pagpasok ko sa opisina. Nasa akin kasi ang mata ng mga naroon. I mean . . . of course it's natural to look at the door when someone comes in, but it's arresting when they all looked at me at the same time. It's as if I did something wrong.