Amelia's Daughter

fifty four

Timeline: two days later
TW: mentions of suicide
ARIZONAS POV
It's been a long day. Charlotte stopped talking. She opened up to Amelia a little bit but she shut down after the first night. Amelia and I can't figure it out. It's tearing us apart. Charlotte blocked us both on Instagram so we can't even see what's going on, and she'll never give up her phone. She was going home today, hopefully she'll be up to watch a movie or something so we can spend some time together.
"Charlotte are you hungry?" Amelia asked her, "Arizona or I could get you a bagel. Or yogurt or something."
"I'm okay," Charlotte said as she grabbed her things. We silently walked to the car and the drive home was quiet. I parked in the driveway and everyone went inside and Charlotte went up to her room and slammed her door. I followed Amelia into the kitchen.
"Honey do you want coffee or anything?" I offered.
"Coffee would be nice," she said quietly as she sat down. I made her a cup of coffee and I heard her soft sniffles.
"Hey it's okay," I said and kissed her temple.
"It's not okay," she cried, "I feel so useless. I can't do anything for her. She won't talk to me. She won't smile. She won't eat. She won't get off that damn phone. I don't know what to do."
"I know it's been really hard," I sighed, "but maybe she just wants to be alone, maybe she'll reach out when she's ready."
"I just want to help her," Amelia cried.
"I know you do, and I know you're trying Ames. You can't say you're useless because you're not," I said.
"I'm gonna go see if she wants some lunch," Amelia sniffled as she wiped her eyes.
"Okay, tell her we can make whatever or order too," I said.
"I will," Amelia said.
AMELIAS POV
I knocked on Charlottes door and opened it. She was laying in her bed on her phone. She was crying. She looked up at me and wiped her eyes.
"Are you hungry?" I asked.
"No," she said.
"Are you sure? We can order food or I can cook," I said.
"I'm fine," she said. I closed the door behind me and she looked up again.
"Please tell me what's going on," I said.
"What if they're right?" She said.
"What if who's right?" I asked.
"The kids at my school," she said.
"Is this about the Instagram comments? I thought we turned them off!" I said.
"I turned them back on," she said, "I wanted to see what people would say."
"Charlotte whatever they're saying they aren't right," I said and sat down next to her.
"What if they are?" She said in a small voice.
"Let me see," I said.
"No," she said.
"Charlotte," I said. She reluctantly gave me the phone and I looked at the comments. You had it coming. And only an idiot would be alone with Luke. Or slut.
"They're not right," I said.
"Why are they defending him?" She said, "of course everyone takes his side."
"It sucks I know," I said.
"You don't know!" She said, "you don't know what any of this feels like!"
"I don't I'm sorry," I said.
"I just want to curl up and die," she mumbled.
"No you don't," I said.
"Yes I do," she said.
"I tried to kill myself once," I said. She got silent and she looked at me.
"That's not funny," she said.
"I'm not joking," I said.
"When?" She asked.
"Around your age. 15," I said.
"What happened?" She asked, "if you want to talk about it."
"I was doing drugs with my friends after I had gotten into a really big fight with my mom. I ran away that night. Not like running away running away, but I didn't want to be home for the night. I got high with my friends and I tried jumping off her roof," I said, "thought it would fix everything that was going on."
"What happened?" She asked.
"My mom called the cops looking for me, and they found me before I jumped. They saved my life really because my friends were too high to notice what I would have done. I was too high to know what I was doing," I said, "the point is is that it seems like it would end the pain and fix all your problems, but you'll miss so much. If I ended my life that night I would have never gotten sober. I would have never gone to Harvard and become a doctor. I would have never met your Aunt Addison, Charlotte, Meredith, and Maggie. I wouldn't have grown up with Derek and I wouldn't be Aunt Amelia. I wouldn't have met your father or Arizona. And I wouldn't have you, my precious pride and joy. I would have never gotten to be a mother. I would have died at 15 knowing nothing, experiencing nothing, and losing all my happiness to a drug. I know you're hurting, and you have every right to be, but turn the comments off. Who cares what they're saying? If you can't see it, it won't affect you. I know it is so hard to ignore what they're saying, but you have to, because your life is so precious, and you can't end it because you'll miss everything. And most importantly, you have people who love you right here." I looked over at her and she was crying. I hugged her tightly as I cried.
"I never want you to get hurt, and I'm sorry this happened to you. But you're stronger than this. I know you are because you're my daughter. Us shepherds are strong. Fight to come back from this. Fight for yourself," I said.
"I love you," she said, "I love you so much."
"I love you too," I said, "I love you more than you'll ever know."