I feel bad that it is sometimes difficult for me to differentiate between romantic and platonic.
It's no ones fault but mine
Cry wanking as a verb
I have things to say but I think knowing you'd see them is embarrassing. I know that being unfiltered is the point of this. But maybe some thoughts should be left unsaid.
I'm reading between non existent lines.
I don't know why I kept making the sex hype house bit. It might seem dumb and minuscule but I think there may be unpacked truth behind it. Or not. The lice are dancing on my hippocampus. There's no truth. I think. I hope? What would the truth be? I want to have sex with my friends? That's not true. That's definitely not true. I don't like the idea of sex. What would the truth be? I don't think there is any. I hope.
Sex repulses me these days. I watch my boring porn with my dick in my hand trying to squeeze out as much dopamine as I can. Looking at these women I wonder if they're enjoying it. What a manic pixie dream girl thing to say. I mean it. Sometimes I see these girls being slapped. They aren't even good slaps. They enjoy that? I don't want to be slapped during sex. I don't even want to be looked at. Maybe that's not true. I can't imagine gentle loving sex. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm self loathing and not horny. Even the type of porn I watch is misandrist. Analyze that one. I don't like women in porn. It used to be trauma related. It's not anymore. I don't want to have sex. I'd much rather just help the other person than do anything myself. That's kind of misandrist too. I don't watch gay porn because I feel like I'm fetishizing them even though I'm not. Don't try to deduce what kind of porn I watch. I should stop frying my dopamine receptors. I hate masturbating. Sometimes it feels tied to my personality. Tired of sex like the weezer song. Am I am aceggot? No I think I'm just weird. Sorry you had to read about my porn habits.
Psychoanalyze me baby
I was self loathing but now I'm just tired. I don't feel better. I wish I was being held right now. I love talking to you.
