My dream 6/30/21:
It starts out at the location a lot of my dreams are at(1). I'm in the parking lot of the grocery store of that specific dream area, which kind of looks like a Redners but it's nowhere specific. I'm in the car with my sister (I don't know which one, or if it's my sister at all I just assume it is). I look out my window and see Hasan Abi in his car. I'm weirded out and look at my phone. I had a discord notification from him that said "come here real quick" and some other dream babel that was unreadable. I was very hesitant for some reason. I opened the car door and swung my legs out so I was sitting completely facing his car. He wasn't looking at me at all. I don't get out, I just wait for him to look at me. He never does.
I'm at the fair in the same parking lot. I'm there with the people from Smosh (2)I seem like I know them but I'm not a part of their group. They seem like they want me to tag a long so I do. I was worried about money, they want to do a lot but I didn't bring much. They told me it was ok which made me feel better. I mostly hung around Shayne.(2.5) and it was kind of nice. Something felt off but I think that just transitioned me to my next dream.
There's no exact way this dream starts, I'm kind of just thrown into it. Onision is like a t*rr*r*st or something and is doing some sort of mass killings in America. The military is looking for him hardcore. There are military people where ever you go. I'm shown a map of it, which for some reason doesn't include America but it is implied he is based there. It shows that he has people killing for him everywhere. There are snipers everywhere and the US military has just as many. It's basically like WWII but onision is hitler(3) no camps though, just a lot of people following one dangerous man. The beginning of this dream is pretty blurry but the end is distinct.
The climax comes when they find him, in my backyard. I'm am watching through my back door. A military guy tackles him and handcuffs him with these really weird looking handcuffs that almost look easy to break out of, but he can't. Chris Hanson(4) is there too. He is sitting on the back step and talking to onision. Chris asks him if he's wearing a wire and onision pulls out a cord from under his shirt. Chris tells him how disgusting his actions were and how he'd shoot him there if he could. Onision is mostly quiet but then cuts in and says "can you at least tell Anna about me and my brother(5)". Chris Hanson nods and onision steps back and starts yelling "Anna" to no one in particular. He for some reason is given a gun (at least I think it was a gun or maybe he just took and it and wasn't given it. My dream has too many plot holes) I then duck down behind my door to where he can barely see me. He then shoots Chris Hanson in the head and he falls down the steps onto the pavement. It's to be noted that at this point I felt the need to call someone and tell them about this, I was too scared to film because I thought my phone would be taken and looked through or that onision followers would have a reason to come after me. Onision is tackled and is being brought to the front of my house in handcuffs. They're carrying him through the back alley so I run through my house. I get outside before they do and see my mother and Kennedy sitting on the porch. My mother is smoking and Kennedy is just sitting and talking. I start freaking out and screaming at them to get in the house. I am pushing my mother down and yelling that they need to just hide in the house. I was too late though because we see the military people carry him out front. He's put into what looks like a FedEx truck but I assume it's some military vehicle. There's a fat blonde women,who I've never seen before who I assume is supposed a neighbor, standing there yelling at them. She says things like "I hope you rot in jail" and "you deserve everything you get". It's also to be noted that my street is very quiet and empty with no people around, and it still has all the trees that had been cut down in like 2013. There is more to this dream but it's a dream so either I can remember it or it's not something that can be described into words.(6)
Footnotes:
1. This place appears in my dreams all the time. I could make a model of it but it changes pretty often. There's a standard though that I think it stays as in most of my dreams. I've definitely mentioned it before and I'll probably mention it again. It's usually in dreams I remember if that means anything.
2. Not Ian and Anthony. Particularly Courtney Miller, Shayne Topp, Olivia Sui, Keith Leek Jr, and Noah Grossman. I've been watching a loooot of newer smosh recently.
2.5. It's not surprising that my brain would decide to stay with Shayne because he is my absolute favorite. He is also very hunky.
3. I think this comparison is very funny as well as accurate. I also wonder why my brain chose onision as the Hitler in this. I don't know if he looked like onision at all but he definitely was referred to as such.
4. I also think it's funny that Chris Hanson was brought it because of the whole Onision and Chris Hanson debacle. I'm so terminally online it's affecting my dreams.
5. I don't know who Anna or his brother is. My dream might've just thrown that in but it has no meaning to me. I only know one girl named Anna and she's really nothing worth talking about. Kind of weird.
6. I feel like this sounded fake like I just made it up or I added in random things to the parts I can't remember or fluffed it up for affect but this is exactly how my dream went. I don't know why I have such vivid and weird dreams sometimes. I used to have these dreams a lot when I was on anti psychs and taking too much melatonin at night. That combo will make you shift realities.
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I've been weirdly schizo recently. I talked a little about this last night but I actually wanted to Wattpad about it. I couldn't article it in words anyway and you could probably barely hear me so I'll write about it again.
I have psychosis pretty much everyday. I see things like crazy. Sometimes it's very vivid things like a cat or bugs or worse times, faces. Other times it's just movement. Nothing particularly there but a shadow of what once was. Sometimes it's figures other times its bugs and sometimes it's nothing at all. The seeing things isn't that bad. It makes me do a double take and at worse it makes me jump. It's definitely not as bad as the delusions or paranoia.
It's become a thing where I get unbelievably intense anxiety from leaving the house. I feel like everyone is out to get me. When I do monthly tests with my therapist (mandatory stuff to see my progress)when it comes to the schizo questions one is "do you feel like people are after you" and I never really understood that question. I do now. Sometimes it seems reasonable, my dad will yell at someone in the car and even though they definitely couldn't hear him, I still check the rear view mirrors because I just know that they're following us. Or when we're outside and this old man lingers around us a little too long and I get anxious that he's going to expose himself or snatch one of my sisters, he's just smoking. Or when I'm walking somewhere every single person I pass is going to rob me or stab me or try to sex traffic me. Every noise in my house is a serial killer or robber. It makes me feel anxious. A very deep feeling in my stomach. It usually eases quickly but the feeling always lingers. My therapist says that sometimes anxiety and delusions are very hard to feel apart. I feel like that could be the case too, I'm just very very anxious. Both are bad though. I often wonder if I'm even schizo at all. Even when I see things I still feel like I'm making it up. I don't hear voices and I don't see things the way other schizos do. I'm often told diagnoses don't really matter. My psych (side note: I really don't like that man. Feel like he never believes me and he's never in his office. He's half retired so he's always on vacation for months at a time. He was the only child psychologist though, once I turn 18 I'm getting a different one. F— has him too and he's done her even dirtier than me. I've also been off meds for a long while now so I haven't seen him in forever, I should probably get medicated again soon) he told me that that diagnoses were really only for insurance companies to approve my meds. Don't you love America (before you start; I know that Canadian mental health care isn't good either but this isn't about you). I do care about diagnoses though because it validates my experiences. I was never told I was diagnosed with depression or anxiety or CPTSD I just know I was. Schizo is a completely different ballpark though. My therapist doesn't think I have it, she thinks I have really severe anxiety. I don't want to self diagnose, especially when I have so many resources. Once I change psychs and inevitably stop therapy (because of moving away and going to college, not for any other reason) maybe I'll get a proper diagnosis, or maybe I never will. We just have to wait and see.
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I have a family thing to go to on Saturday. It's for the Fourth of July, my cousins birthday, and Kennedy's birthday (which is the 28th of July so idk why they just threw that in, might as well just throw mine in while you're at it) They have a pool so that's alright even though I hate swimming. Maybe I'll just tan for a little. My cousins are gonna be there. Ji—and Jo— are somewhat my age (19 and 21) so I usually stay with them during that stuff. Ji— is alright he's way different than he used to be, if you remember my family member chapter, he's the Boy Scout. He drinks and smokes which is really wild to me because his parents seem over bearing. He's way cooler than he used to be at least. Jo— is ok too, a little cringe sometimes. He drinks a disgusting amount of energy drinks and loves ifunny memes but he's pretty harmless. His mom tenses me though. She's a Facebook Trump supporter who regurgitates what her husband tells her despise hating him. She's great in doses as long as the comments are dialed to a low. Last night she said was ragging on my cousin (who I hate but that's a story for another time) for shaving her sides and dying her hair. I guess people are so used to me having colored hair they just forget. I didn't say anything but I thought it was pretty funny. She always tells me family drama though which I absolutely eat up. During the bad era she was always telling me who hated my mom and why. She probably shouldn't have been doing that but I secretly appreciated it. I felt like I needed a reason to hate my mom and she provided that. I feel like I repeat stories and such way too often. You'd probably say the same thing.
Going to the fair today which I think will be fun as long as it's not 1000° and I die. Hmmph
