Ask you easy questions about work and schoolI'm trying to be cool about it
Feelin' like an absolute fool about it
Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it
Tellin' myself I can always do without it
Knowin' that it probably isn't true
No matter how little we talk I will still always carry a piece of you around with me. This is stupid and I know that but I feel most connected to you when I talk about book and music. I know that media consumption isn't your only personality and you know that but idk. When I'm sifting through books and talking about William Burroughs and Foucault to my friends who don't care. And when I'm going through every record in the record store and commenting on every single one I know. I think you have completely changed me for the better. I feel like I forget that sometimes. When I look at old dms and listen to Worry on warm days I get almost sick with grief for how we used to be. I know I'm actually the most dramatic person in the world. I know we're both doing our best and we're so busy and you're in a new chapter of your life but man. I don't want every wattpad I write to end up being like "boohoo I miss you boohoo life isn't the same" but sometimes I just miss how things used to be so bad. I just hope its like that again one day.
But for now lets try to write an old wattpad. I was thinking about this idea in the bookstore and even wrote it down because I needed to write about it. I literally grabbed my computer the second I walked in my room. So here are some places I would take you if you were here.
In my good old college town I'd take you to the aforementioned record and book store that are super shitty and have nothing in them. I would want to spend a while in there with you because I know we could. I'm always rushed out of places like that because no one ever wants to just browse like I do. I have a feeling you would.
I'd show you my silly little dorm room and have you sit on my bed while I explained actually every trinket and what not. I save everything. Sometimes I worry I'm too sentimental for my own good. Our room is small but mighty. I am going to miss it dearly.
I would take you to our "Gender and Sexuality Center" despite the amount of annoying and cringe people that reside in it. They have an amazing book section that I have yet to really dive into. I haven't been reading much recently but I'd like to change that. That's where we have feminist alliance meetings. I wouldn't want you to go to one of those because I think it's cringe when I run them and even more when I don't.
When I gave Lucas a tour of this place I skipped around a bunch. I didn't show him too much. At that point I still didn't know it super well. I still don't know it that well.
My hometown:
We've talking about this a million times over again but I still think about it.
I'd take you to the park next to my house that's been ripped apart and put back together again a million and a half times. There is a trail of rocks that goes partway into the schuylkill that we always used to climb on when I was a little kid. I was always afraid of slipping in. It was always nice to sit on the farthest rock in the summer because you could feel the spray of the water. At the same park there is a path that I used to walk with my friends in the summer at night. It's just a big circle but we'd walk around it a million times until our feet hurt. I have spilled some heavy secrets and torn apart weird situations on that path. There's also the playground that has changed a million times since I was a kid. There's also a secret path that leads to a set of stone steps that used to be apart of something but has been grown over for decades. I used to sit there with my cousins and skip stones across the water. I'm not sure if it's still there but I hope to god it is.
I would definitely make you walk the entire town. I'd act like a tour guide but solely for gamerepic lore. I have a million stories for every nook and cranny.
I don't know where else I'd take you. I guess you'll just have to come and find out.
But I'm trying to forget about it
Feelin' like I'm breaking a sweat about it
Wishin' you would kindly get out of my head about it
Tellin' myself one day I'll forget about it
Knowin' that it probably isn't true
He has been oddly appearing a lot recently. I hate hate hate to admit this but it's weirdly reassuring. He has to be thinking of me. My friends are joking that he's "soft launching" a friendship revival. Even J****** said "it's summer. crazy things could happen" which is almost out of character for her. I know me and every else is making a mountain out of a molehill here but I won't lie, it definitely crosses my mind. I know you said avoid him like the plague but if there's one thing I recently learned about myself its that I have no self control. ** I would entertain it, but of course I'd tread lightly. I have replayed that dialogue a million times over again. Trust me. I know what could happen and im prepared for it. It will never happen though. I know that.
** It is to be noted that at this part in this chapter that my roommate has begun playing bright eyes. It's over guys.
I have been weirdly making new friends despite it being the end of the year. Silly characters that I'm sure will make more appearances next year. I have not too much more to say about them in the current wattpad.
I'm not even going to touch on my academic standing beyond this sentence.
It feels good to write like this again. Every time I do a good one of these I always say I'm going to do more but like I said before, I have negative self discipline. I want to, believe me I really do. I probably will over the summer. I'll have nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs anyway.
I miss you so much. I hope you miss me too.
But we don't have to talk about it
I can walk you home and practice method acting
I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning
Tellin' you it's nice to see how good you're doing
Even though we know it isn't true
