Homecoming was quite a night. I thought I looked nice. I tried to look nice. I really do think I was at least a little pretty. Looking back at the pictures I did not look very good, but I would've probably thought that no matter what. When I first got there, all the other people on the court just stared at me as I walked up. They ignored me fully. I complimented one of them and she walked away from me. I was feeling bad. I kept thinking "is this bit even funny? Is this worth it? I'm too far into now to back out, right?"
While awkwardly standing by myself as the rest of the court chatted away and kept being told how beautiful they looked, a freshman came up to me. She was in the band and told me I looked so cool. I said to her "I'll be honest, that's exactly what I needed to hear right now". She kept saying that she wanted to eventually be on the court, but no one liked her enough and she had been made fun of in middle school. She was wearing a Hawaiian shirt tucked into shorts with vans on. I felt weird, like this was some weird reminder of why I wanted to do this at all. Why the bit was a bit in the first place. I looked at her very seriously and said "you probably haven't noticed, but not a single of them has talked to me in the half hour we've been here. These were the kids that made fun of me and now I'm in the same position they are. Don't let those kids get you down. You're so fucking cool." I felt kinda silly giving this freshman this inspirational speech, but I felt like it was something I might've wanted to hear as a freshman. It's probably something I needed to hear now.
If you look at the pictures that were taken, I'm in the middle of all of them. Gabe said it was "so they couldn't crop you out" to which we laughed, but I felt a tinge of something wave through me. I didn't even think of them doing that, but he was so right. If you look at the picture of me and my escort, you can tell he does not want to be there. I tried to make it seem funny. He was frowning and had negative body language, but I was all smiles and thumbs up. I hated how I smiled in every single picture. I don't have a good picture smile.
It was a common theme of the night that I was being ignored. Everytime my name was called or I passed by no one would cheer, but it would be so loud for everybody else. I tried so hard to ignore this. I kept repeating "ego death has never felt so good" to no one in particular. I was very upset, but I just tried to brush it off. When I told my dad this he said "well what did you really expect?" he of course was right about that, but I thought people would at least try to be nice to me.
Jesseny showed up first with her friends. She said she kinda just wanted to hang out with them tonight, and didn't really wanna do anything with us after. I felt a little bad about it but I wasn't going to say anything about it. I had absolutely no reason to. Faith showed up after. She sat next to me on the bench only the court was supposed to sit on, but no one every said anything. I was feeling pretty good after that. I kept asking the boys around us what was going on, because I quickly learned I knew nothing about football. I eventually gave up trying to figure it out and faith and I went to get a soda. My mother was there too. I went to hand my mother the flowers I was given to hold onto until I needed them again. This is when gabe showed up and said "gotcha!" Because I told him I refused to point out my mother. He insisted he was going to have sex with her, but he later confessed he was too embarrassed to even say hi to her.
We had to write little biographies for them to read out when they announced our names and we walked across the field. It included "what are your hobbies" and "what are your plans after Highschool" I struggled to answer these so I put little answers I thought would suffice. Upon having these bios read, I realized mine was the shortest and most unimpressive. My political theory reading was nothing compared to the volunteering at old folks homes and working charity drives. My dreams of being a park ranger surely did not live up to their aspirations of being doctors and special education teachers. I wasn't embarrassed, I think it added to the bit.
I obviously didn't win. I didn't even have a little hope that I would've. I figured they'd announce the winner, we'd take some more pictures, then I'd Irish goodbye with faith and get the hell out of dodge. The whole ordeal went by so quick I stayed around for a few extra minutes.
I talked to my current favorite teacher, who's name I recently found out is Ben. This is so funny because he is exactly how you're going to be as a teacher. Literally so exactly like you. Our conversation might show you why:
