I didn't think I would be so emo about this. My whole life it seemed like I had everything planned out. I would do good in school, get my license at 16, get a job, graduate top of my class, go to a good college, move out, and just survive on my own. Did I ruin this plan or did I know it would never happen. I had so much optimism for my future and now I just don't know. If 10 year old Madison knew that I stopped really caring and that the best thing I could do right now is up and leave and go around the continent with some weirdos I met on the internet, what would she say. She'd be disappointed in me. I'm sorry baby shutupwow, I know it wasn't supposed to be like this.
I know being scared of growing up is normal. Everyone I know is probably feeling the exact same way. I'm so worried I'll end up like my mother. I'll graduate and be stable for a bit and then regress hard to make up for what I lost. Please don't let me become a little, I mean it. I think everything will be ok. I think I'm mature enough to handle things on my own. I can't live alone. I won't live alone. Whether I move across the country with Lucas or I end up New Girling it with "internet weirdo" I will not be alone. This is mostly me convincing myself of such.
I wish I didn't miss out on my adolescence. Even once everything got ok, the nuclear winter carried me to where I am now. Alone. I'll miss my dad if I move.
I've been an adult my whole life, I'm not ready to grow up.
