I will never be fully immersed in any friend group. I will always be just *somewhat* there. I will never know their inside jokes, I will never know their drama, I will never hang out with them. I will just stay in the chats and joke around. I am replaceable and insignificant. It's just nice to feel apart of something, even if I know I'm not. They know it too, but would never admit it. I'm always outside just looking in.
There was no reason for me to try to get drunk last night. I had a headache and I was sad and I just wanted to talk to you. It was stupid.
Are you pushing me away? Please don't I can't handle that right now.
Does anyone like me? I could honestly see them not. I imagine everyone just talks to me out of convenience or boredom or I just won't go away. I just want to be liked.
Why can I only write sad Wattpads?
I should just stick with the fiction schtick. They're so bad and I don't like them immediately after I publish them but you said you liked them. It's also good to talk about anything that doesn't directly relate to me. I'm tired of myself.
I really like when we call. Even when it's slow and we don't have much to say, I still enjoy just hanging out with you.
I'm so fucking sick and tired of not having friends. It's all I talk about and whine about but it cuts me so deeply. I have f___ obviously, who I do love a lot, but she works so often I don't see her much. I just feel so boxed in. I feel like all I'll ever do is sit alone in my room and watch ghost world with a headache. All my friends are people on the internet who there's a chance I will never see in my entire life. And god it fucking sucks so bad I'm not living it feels like I'm just waiting around for something to come to me but it won't and I can't make any friends because one, there's no one around here who I don't already know and two, I'm the worst most socially awkward person ever I'm completely unlikable and can barely hold any sort of engagement in person I just want to be able to hang out with someone but no one likes me and I'm going to be by myself forever and it sucks so bad. Please someone save me.
I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of my internet persona. I'm not "femcel riot grrrl listens to cool music and knows cool media" I'm fucking lame and I don't shower as much as I should and I wear the same clothes everyday and I laugh too loud and I'm not funny and I'm awkward and I can't look people in the eye. Im a fraud!
I hate being emo all the time but that's all I've been feeling. I feel completely trapped in a box. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I just can't handle it.
I don't know what else to say in this that isn't completely pathetic so let's just end it here
(These next lyrics are gonna be to a song in the new bo burnham special so if you want to avoid it you can)
Oh shit
You're really joking at a time like this?
Well, well, look who's inside again?
Went out to look for a reason to hide again
Well, well
Buddy, you found it
Now come out with your hands up
We've got you surrounded
