𝐈 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔; tommyinnit

𝐱𝐱𝐯𝐢𝐢. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

✩᯽☾︎❄︎☽︎᯽✩

"when I was a child, I heard voices. some would sing and some would scream."
- arsonist's lullaby, hozier

I woke up to people quietly whispering in the room, as well as someone continuously walking across the floorboards. The heels of their Oxfords clicked against the wood with every step, pulling me out of my peaceful slumber, much to my dismay. I could recognize the voices as Tommy's and Ranboo's, discussing something about a dream.

Drowsily opening my eyes, I looked between the two boys. Tommy was leaning against a bookshelf filled with identical and plain looking books whilst Ranboo was pacing across the room anxiously. Tommy had his arms crossed, unamused, and Ranboo had his hands covering his mouth stressfully. I pushed myself up, grabbing both of the boys' attention in the process.

"What were you talking about?" I asked with a hoarse voice, slowly rubbing my fingers across my eyelids to try and attain a clear vision.

"Uhh." Ranboo stuttered as his eyes gravitated to Tommy's, obviously trying to think of a believable lie. I watched Tommy sigh, before he apathetically told me about their previous conversation.

"We were talking about your mother." He answered monotonously, glancing at me with irises lacking emotion. My eyes widened as all of the memories and events from yesterday came rushing back into my head. Subtle yet crazy ideas swarmed my brain, revenge becoming my main priority.

She deserves to die. Make her suffer Khione. You know she had it coming, so why don't you be the one to give it to her?   

I squeezed my eyes shut, aggressively pushing my hands up against my ears as an attempt to stop the voices. They were always an issue, but they were never that loud. I bit my lip harshly to try and move my attention to the pain rather than the shouts trapped inside my head.

Ranboo dashed to my side, tenderly placing a hand on my knee. All of the thoughts running through my head caused me to react with fright at his soft touch. I violently pushed his hand away, looking up at him with stern eyes.  

"I wanna go back, I wanna confront her." I blurted out as more of a statement than a wish. I quickly stood up, aiming to leave the house but before I could even take one step, Ranboo's hand flung in front of me, blocking my clear path to the door. I glared at him, my eyes burning into his. He knew the voices had got to me, which explained his extremely concerned and scared look. 

He mouth-worded don't to me, his forehead wrinkling with worry as he did so. I glanced back at Tommy who still maintained his emotionless face, not a single bit of concern present in his impassive expression. He pushed himself off of the bookshelf with his foot and calmly began walking towards us.

"Your mother is working with Dream so if you go there, you'll never return. As of now, she's way too powerful." He informed me, only the slightest bit of emotion noticeable in his steel blue eyes. I raised an eyebrow, remembering a dream - or just Dream - being a topic of discussion when I had woken up. I grew confused, deciding to ignore the constant screams and plans of my mother's death within my brain.

"Who is Dream?" I asked curiously.

"He's the mayor and creator of the Dream SMP; the most powerful and feared person here." Ranboo answered for Tommy, still a bit concerned for me.

"I already told you about him on the way here dumbass." Tommy added, his lips twisting up into a smile. I huffed strenuously whilst falling back onto the bed. Of course the one time I wanted revenge I couldn't get it. That always happened; nothing ever went my way in any situation. If I wanted something, it never happened; if I did something, something always went wrong; if I asked for something, I never got it. It always felt like it was me against the world.

Ranboo and Tommy returned to talking about Dream whilst I stayed still, cautiously listening to the thoughts in my head.

Why would you trust them, it's not like they care. They left, everyone left you and yet you still trust them. Unbelievable Khione.

I felt my waterline fill with tears as I quickly brushed them away, careful to not draw attention to myself. I couldn't help but believe the voices just a little bit - I couldn't help it when I knew that they were true. I decided to tune into the boys' conversation to distract me and stop myself from crying. 

"Are you going to stay here too or is Techno coming?" Ranboo asked, although his voice seemed to falter as he spoke of our brother's name.

"Umm, about that. Khione and I kinda ran off without his consent, although I'm sure he knows where we are." Tommy responded, wincing and rubbing the back of his neck with guilt.

"So you ran away basically?" Ranboo questioned with annoyance.

"Yes sir." I answered for Tommy, saluting with my fingers in Ranboo's direction. It clearly stunned both of them, me joining into their conversation so abruptly. They both went silent, turning to me, before continuing the discussion once again.

"When do you expect him to come here?" Ranboo asked rather hurriedly, bouncing his left knee up and down. 

"Why would I know, did you not hear me? Khione. And. I. Ran. Off. Without. His. Consent. How am I supposed to know?" Tommy sassily replied, smirking at his own response.

"Could you maybe guess? Estimate his possible arrival to the hour?" Ranboo inquired repeatedly, beginning to grow impatient and nervous for no obvious reason.

"Relax my friend! Maybe in the next hour or two?" Tommy answered, returning back to his leaning stance against the bookshelf. Ranboo looked at him with wide eyes, freaking out at his response.

"Oh my god, oh my god." He muttered to himself, pacing back and forth like he was when I woke up. I quickly stood up and ran towards him, gently guiding him towards the bed. Once he was sat down, I softly sat next to him, placing a hand on his knee for comfort. I knew it didn't work when he was doing it to me before, but that was a different kind of situation.

"What's wrong Ran?" I asked carefully, lowering my voice to a gentle tone.

"Techno is going to be here, very soon." He stuttered between breaths. He was having another one of his panic attacks, and I knew exactly how to calm him down. I leant forward to wrap him into a loving hug, him shakily returning it back. I rubbed his back tenderly to slow down his rapid breathing pattern. 

"You don't have to see Techno, you can go for a walk while he is here. I'll make sure he is gone by the time you come back, I promise. But if you want to see him, there's nothing to be af-" I spoke reassuringly.

"No, that's exactly what I wanna do. Thanks." He cut me off, pulling himself out of the hug. He didn't have any tear-stained cheeks, or puffy eyelids, which was a good sign that he was feeling alright. 

Since I was so focused on my brother and his emotions, I failed to notice the voices in my head grow louder and become more remorseless. Their ideas were escalating to more brutal ways to take it. It was a mess.

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