Once You've Tasted Love

Chapter 50

I woke up feeling incredibly sick. And Gary wasn't here. He was off on a meeting until about lunchtime. I tried to figure out what it was that made me feel so sick, but I had no idea. Maybe the anxiousness because the wedding was only 6 weeks away? Or maybe the weather? It was still hot and my body had always been really sensitive during extreme weather conditions or changes, and it had rained the week after Gary and I had our fight, but the weather had been nice again for a week now.

And then suddenly I felt the urgency to throw up. I jumped out of bed and ran to the toilet and spilled everything that was inside of me up, which wasn’t much to be honest.
I really wanted to have Gary here now, being sick and alone isn’t nice.

I leaned back against the wall and decided to call in sick. 

"Brown?" 

"Good morning Felix, it's Clara." 

"Good morning." 

I sighed, my body still shaking "I'm sorry but I have to call in sick. I'm really not feeling well." 

"It's alright. Get well soon." 

"Thank you. Bye." 

"Bye."

God. What was this?! I fell back into bed and closed my eyes. And then it hit me like a brick. I jumped up and looked at my calendar. No. 5 days late. No. Probably just stress, the nearer the wedding came, the more stressed I felt. I shook it off and just to be sure I took a look at my pill package. 
"SHIT!" My hand flew to my mouth. The package was full. I hadn't taken my pill for about two or three weeks.

"No. No. This is not happening. FUCK!" I slammed the package back into my bag and started to cry. This wasn't happening. Not now. Not like this. I felt so stupid, and I was kind of angry at myself for this.

I got dressed and jumped straight into my car. Think I've never driven this fast to a shop. I put on some sunglasses and went in to buy a pregnancy test, Clearblue obviously. Didn't trust the cheap stuff on this occasion, I wanted to be absolutely sure.

I rushed into the bathroom as soon as I got back home and did it. I had to wait three minutes. I swear, those were the three longest minutes in my whole entire life.

I walked up and down in our bedroom, my hands pressing against my face, I had time to think. What if I was pregnant? What would Gary say? God! I mean, we wanted children, that wasn't the problem, but not now. We had talked about it and we wanted to get married first, Gary had his tour coming up and stuff, it just wasn’t the right time.

My hands were shaking as I grabbed the test when the three minutes were over. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning it around. Pregnant.

I was speechless. I couldn't believe it. Oh god. "NO!" I started to cry again.

I mean, the longer I thought about it, the more I realised that I wanted this child, that wasn't the problem, but god, what would Gary say? I was responsible for this, I hadn’t taken my pill, he had offered to take condoms too to make sure I didn’t get pregnant until we both thought that the time to have a child was right, but I had declined, saying I got this. What would he say, now that I messed up? This frightened me, it really did.

Two hours later I sat in the kitchen, the test in my jeans pocket, my head buried in my arms, still sobbing. I think I haven't done anything else over the last two hours. I must have looked like a zombie. 

Suddenly the front door opened and closed again and I heard Gary whistling a melody. He must have heard my sniffs, because he came in "Clara?" 

I didn't answer though.