New Beginnings (Sequel to: It's Complicated)

Chapter 15: I Hate Goodbyes

So that's just what we did. We spent the most perfect three days together. Although three days felt like three minutes when I was with Justin. He made me laugh and smile and I felt so much better.

"I will see you in three months," Justin kissed me. I didn't pull away for awhile. Three months until I can taste his lips, three months until I can feel his body. It's going to be a long three months.

I kissed my babies goodbye and hugged Justin one last time.

"I hate goodbyes," he whispered.

"It's not goodbye, it's see you later." I smiled.

"See you later baby," he smiled.

I smiled and waved and left with Scooter. I felt mixed emotions. Happy, sad, excited. I was happy and excited to finally be kicking off the huge leg of my tour. I was sad because I missed my family and I couldn't keep Jessie off of my mind. I wasn't able to visit Molly, but she's coming to the show in Atlanta tonight.

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The plane landed in Georgia and we went straight to the arena. I met up with my dancers and we all had a group huddle. Man I missed them.

"So good to see you guys," I smiled.

"You too Shawna, it feels good to be back." John said.

"Oh yes, it was a great break. But my mom started to get on my nerves with all the hugging," Rachel laughed.

We all laughed.

"It was a quick break, glad I saw my mom." Derek smiled.

I rubbed his back a little.

"Well let's get started!" Nick came into the room.

We rehearsed until I had to get ready for meet and greet.

"I'm so sorry about Jessie," a girl said to me as she hugged me.

"She's not suffering anymore," I gave her a weak smile and suddenly I had the urge to cry.

The girl showed me the pose that she wanted me to do and I did it with her.

"You ready for the next one?" The guard asked.

"I need a break," I said as a tear slipped from my eye.

"Take as long as you need," he said.

I went out of the small area and sat down. I buried my face in my hands and took deep breaths as I tried to calm down.

"Shawna you okay?" Scooter asked.

I looked up, "it's so hard." I cried. "It's so hard having to continue through life knowing that she can't. I'm just supposed to smile because that's what they want to see, they want me to be happy. But I'm not," I said.

Scooter sat down next to me and rubbed my back.

"It's okay to not be okay," he said. "You don't have to pretend. We all know how difficult it was to lose Jessie."

"But she's gone Scooter, she's just gone. It just makes me so mad that God can just take away people whenever he wants. Why did she have to go through that, why isn't she here?" I was sobbing now. Uncontrollable sobbing. "How am I supposed to continue on knowing that there was a six year old who could be living a happy healthy life right now?"

"Sweetie, you inspired her. You were there for her. You changed her life. You made her last few months, the best months of her entire life. Just think about how happy she was when she was with you. Don't dwell on her death, celebrate her life. Live your life for Jessie."