New Beginnings (Sequel to: It's Complicated)

Chapter 32: End Things

Shawna's POV

"WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU AND JUSTIN?"
"DO YOU HAVE YOUR EYES ON SOMEONE ELSE?"
"ITS BEEN THREE MONTHS AND WE HEARD THERE'S BEEN NO CONTACT!"
"IS DEREK YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND?"

The wonderful paparazzi gave me a warm welcome to LA. I pushed through with Derek in front of me. We piled into a car with Scooter and Alfredo. I haven't spoken to Justin in three months. He talks to Scooter about my kids. Jessica is now three and Carter turns one tomorrow.

"Shawna you can stay at my place until I find you a place," Scooter said.

"Okay," I said.

We got to Justin's and the kids greeted me with hugs and giggles. I kissed them and held them.

"MY BIG GIRL IS THREE!" I yelled. "Wow, how do you feel?"

"I feel old," she giggled.

I laughed and hugged her.

"And my big man turns one tomorrow! No way," I tickled his little belly.

He giggled. I looked up and saw Justin standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, he was staring at me and I looked away quickly. I carried Carter and Jessica walked to my car. I buckled them both up and drove to Scooter's place. Paparazzi were waiting.

They swarmed me with more questions about Justin and the breakup. From all the articles I've heard, and with Scooter's confirmation Justin's been attending bars alone and leaving alone. He's gone to award shows alone and cameras all went on him when I won an award but my speech was broadcasted from Australia. He's been with the kids a lot and hasn't talked to the other girls.

I decided to get back in the car. Scooter took my kids inside and I drove up to the ledge where I spent the night one night to get some peace and quiet. I looked out at the gorgeous blue water and all the people.

I thought about Justin. Seeing him made me regret leaving him. As soon as I saw him I missed him, his touch, his gentle kisses, his warm body, his cute laugh. I missed him. But he's hurt me so many times that I can't deal with it. I just can't keep setting myself up for being emotionally torn down. Justin's love has so much power over me and I hate it but I love it.

I spent the next few hours up on the cliff with the wind in my hair. I cleared my thoughts, I cried, I wrote, I found myself. I returned to my kiddos and we spent the rest of the night cuddling on the couch and talking about the past year.

When they went to bed Scooter and Jennifer had a bonfire outside and a few people came over. Just Pattie, Alfredo, and Kenny.

"Why didn't Justin come?" Jennifer asked.

Scooter put his hand on her leg and gave her a look. She nodded and smiled a little. We roasted marshmallows and had a good time. I kept on the biggest smile I could which was difficult because seeing Pattie made me want to cry.

"Pattie?" I asked her. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course sweetie," she smiled and followed me into the living room.

"What is it honey?" She asked.

"How is he?" I asked.

"Justin? He's doing okay. I noticed he hasn't been as happy since you left him and it breaks my heart to see him like this. But I know he made a mistake and I can't force you to love him. I understand you completely," she said.

"Thank you Pattie," I said. "That means a lot. This isn't easy for me. I'm having a really hard time with it actually. I thought maybe if I saw him then I would've known I did the right thing but that's not how it is at all."