New Beginnings (Sequel to: It's Complicated)

Chapter 21: PTSD

Shawna's POV

When I woke up it was 7:00 am and I wasn't going back to sleep. I slept three hours. It's just now getting light out. I decided to go for a walk to get my mind off of things. I left my phone at the cabin and walked outside.

I walked all over the beautiful city, I saw shops, people, trees, little streams of water. It was gorgeous. At noon I went back to the cabin.

"Where have you been?" Scooter asked when I got inside. "I was starting to get a little worried."

"I went for a walk, I just needed to get some things off my mind."

"Okay, how are feeling?" Scooter asked.

"I'm fine," I smiled slightly.

"Rehearsal in an hour and then soundcheck considering you had your meet and greet yesterday," he told me.

"Okay, I'm going to shower and then we can go."

"Sounds good," he said.

I went upstairs and showered. When I got out there was a knock on the door. I screamed and hid in the shower.

"Shawna it's Jenny," I heard. "Can I come in?"

"Oh... Yeah," I said as I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me.

She opened the door and frantically ran over to me.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered.

"WHAT?"

She covered my mouth with her hand.

"How?" I whispered.

"I had sex, DUH?"

"No shit smart one, who'd you have sex with?"

"Dylan," she said.

"WHAT?" I screamed.

She covered my mouth again. Dylan was one of my dancers and he was so cute but I had no clue he and Jenny had a thing.

"Well," I said. "Do you love him?"

"No Shawna," she said. "I'm not an idiot. I don't know what to do."

"Don't tell him unless you know for sure," I said. "How many tests did you take?"

"One," she said.

"Well take at least three more and then go to the gynecologist and make sure," I told her.

She sighed dramatically, "okay."

"Now get out," i said. "I need to get ready."

She laughed as I pushed her out the door. I quickly got dressed in some running shorts, a sports bra and a baggy t-shirt. Once I was done getting ready I went downstairs and we left for the rehearsal.

After rehearsal I got ready for the soundcheck. Stephanie did my makeup.

"How you feeling?" She asked.

"I'm okay," I sighed. "I can't really sleep and the slightest noises are scaring me. But I'll be fine."

"That's PTSD, it should go away eventually. Hopefully, you'll need sleep for the next week. Shows every night," she said.

"I know but if I close my eyes I see him and if I stay awake I think of him. He was right there," I told her.

"Sweetie it'll get better I promise."

"He was right there," I repeated in a whisper. My eyes started to water. "That was the scariest moment of my life."

"I know honey," Stephanie said as she finished putting on my fake eyelashes. "Just don't worry about anything except for making them happy and you're good at that."

"Okay," I said. "Thank you."

"So your 23rd birthday is next week, are you excited?"

"No, I'm getting old." I laughed.

"Oh shut up, you're doing just fine."

"Thanks," I laughed. "How are you doing Stephanie?"

"I'm doing pretty good," she said as she filled in my eyebrows. "My husband and I are just happy you're okay."

"Well thank you," I smiled.

Stephanie's husband is Rick, the bodyguard.

"He felt like he messed up last night."

"He didn't do anything wrong, he was protecting the girls."

"Well he should've protected you," Stephanie said. "But I told him not to feel guilty because you're not that type of person to be mad at someone for a simple mistake."

"It wasn't even a mistake," I said. "He kept me safe. I'm not hurt."

"I know sweetie," she finished with my makeup. "Good luck tonight!"

I got my hair done and then went to change my outfit. Derek was warming up with the rest of the dancers so I went over to talk to him.

"Hey Shawna," Derek smiled.

"Hey!" I stood beside him and stretched my arms.

"How are you today?"

"I'm doing alright," I said.

"You ready to hit the stage again?" He asked.

"Of course I am!" I smiled.

"SHOW TIME!" Was announced.

We huddled and did our chant before I got to my spot onstage. The crowd was going crazy and the music started.

I began to sing but I couldn't bring the words to my mouth. I stood there just looking into the darkness of the crowd. I put my head to my hands and started to cry. Derek came over and hugged me.

"Shawna it's okay," he whispered to me. "You can do it. We're all here to support you."

I nodded and looked out to the crowd.

"I'm sorry guys," I said. "I'm okay now."

The music restarted and I sang along, I got louder and more confident as I went. Throughout the show I would look over at Derek who would always smile and nod at me.

It was a rough show that brought back a lot of bad memories. I was shaky and nervous the whole time. After the show the team went out for pizza.

"You did great sweetie," Scooter hugged me. "You okay?"

I shook my head as I was still shaky. Scooter stopped and hugged me tighter. We stood there for a few minutes.

"Shawna calm down," he said. "It's over. You did great. Don't worry."

"I can't," I said. "Everywhere I look I see him. If it's not in the corner of my eye it's right in front of me. And I hear his voice. Scooter I'm not okay and I just want to be myself again," I started to cry.

"It takes time to get back from something so traumatic, you may never be the same. But just keep good thoughts in your mind," Scooter said. "It'll be okay."

"STOP SAYING THAT!" I screamed. "EVERYONE IS SAYING ITLL BE OKAY WHEN IT WONT BE."

I left and went to the tour bus. I sobbed as I took off my makeup and changed. I crawled under the covers and buried my face in them. I couldn't sleep, I just sat there thinking.