New Beginnings (Sequel to: It's Complicated)

Chapter 31: She'll Never Know

Justin's POV

"Justin," Yovanna pushed me off of her. "Shawna hates me and we can't be doing this anymore."

"She'll never know," I said as I tangled my fingers in her hair. "She comes home in two months."

"So," she said. "I'm not going to help you cheat on your wife."

She got up and I sighed. What is wrong with me? I'm in love with Shawna but she's been gone so long that I just need someone. I need someone to be there for me. I opened up a bottle of beer and Yovanna left. I drank the bottle and opened another one. I finished that one and opened another one. Six bottles later and I was crying and looking at my phone regretting everything I've done. I've been staring at a picture of Shawna and I on our wedding day for hours. The seventh bottle in my hand.

"Daddy?" I heard Jessica come downstairs.

"Baby go back to sleep," I said. "It's late."

"Daddy are you sad?" She asked.

"No baby I'm fine," I wiped my face.

"Daddy don't lie," she walked over to me and hugged me and then kissed me. "I love you daddy."

"I love you too baby," I said.

"If you miss mommy why don't you call her?"

"I will," I said. "I just don't know what to say."

"Say hi," she smiled.

"Okay," I smiled. She walked back upstairs.

I dialed Shawna's number.

"Hello?" Her sweet voice was almost in a mumble.

"Did I wake you?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said. "But it's okay."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said. "Why?"

"Shawna," I said. "I gotta tell you something."

The line was silent..... "What is it?" She said.

"I am sorry."

"What did you do?" She asked.

"I cheated on you again."

She hung up. I started to cry. Five minutes later I got a call from Scooter.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Justin what the hell?" He said. "Again?"

I heard Shawna sobbing in the background.

"I've just been really lonely and I miss Shawna," I said.

"No excuse for that," Scooter said. "For right now she's done. Don't call her don't text her. Leave her alone and if I find out you contact her about anything other than her kids I will be done with you too Justin."

"Okay," I said.

Scooter hung up. I cried once again and opened my eighth bottle of beer. I called my mom.

"Hey baby, you okay? It's late," she answered.

"Mama?" I mumbled.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"I need you," my words were slurring.

"I'll be right over baby," she said.

I hung up and laid on the floor. My head was pounding and the room was spinning. I heard the door open and my mom came over to me.

"Justin what's going on?" She asked.

I sat up and she sat beside me.

"I cheated on Shawna," I said. "It was the dumbest mistake I've ever made and I regret it so much."

"Justin," Mom said. "I'm disappointed in you."

"Mama I miss her. And I think i lost her for good."

Mom held me and cried.

"You need to stop drinking," she scolded me softly.

"I got a little carried away," i said.

"Yeah baby," she moved my hair out of my face. "Listen, if you really love Shawna you have to prove it. Do not talk to those other girls and do not give up on her. If she knows that you're away from them she might trust you again. She'll need you again, she can't go forever without you. Just be patient with her. That's all."

We laid there for hours. Until the sun rose. Mom left before the kids woke up and I showered. Jessica and Carter were in my bed when I got out and I laid down with them. We watched SpongeBob and I fell asleep.

When I woke up the kids were still watching cartoons.

"You kiddos hungry?" I asked.

Jessica nodded. She hopped off the bed and I carried Carter downstairs. I set him in the high chair and Jessica sat at the bar. I made them some sandwiches and then we went to the park.