Ch. 43 - Together

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Being in Kylo's arms made you forget everything. Just for that moment.

    The yells of celebration for the New Year, on the floor below the two of you, sounded so far away with your ear pressed against this chest, his hand tangled in your hair as he held you tightly.

    The two of you could've been embracing for hours or days, time was standing completely still as you held each other. You took in each other's scents, the feeling of being this close to each other, and the way your hands both tightened on each other as you silently acknowledged the familiarity.

    Kylo couldn't process any of this. He wasn't sure if this was a dream to hold you or if it was a nightmare because of its implications, but either way, it didn't feel real.

    You felt the way Kylo pulled gently at your hair so that you were moving away from his chest and looking up at him. He stared into your eyes to the best of his abilities but he was searching all over your face, studying it. He never thought he'd see you again.

    You parted your lips just slightly, trying to think of something to say but nothing seemed like enough.

    Kylo felt the same. He had a million things to tell you. He missed you so much and he needed you to know that but he was in shock. He needed a lot of answers, but no words were coming out of his mouth.

His eyes now went from you to the body on the ground; Hux's. The man was unrecognizable now, after the gunshot, but Kylo knew who it was.

    Kylo was a smart man. He could connect the dots. You were here. Blood splattered on your gorgeous skin, the familiar intricate knife laying on the ground covered in the same dark red...

    You killed Hux.

    Kylo wasn't sure how he should feel. It had been extremely risky and stupid of you to do this. You betrayed his orders and came right back home even though he specifically told you not to.  If it was anyone else, he'd kill them himself for doing something that put him in so much danger and was so blatantly disrespectful.

    You always did this to him, put him in a situation where he had to choose between his heart and his head. He always found himself having to go against everything he'd forced himself to believe in over the years, fighting against his instinct.

    He grasped at your hair tighter, tugging on it to hold you in place staring up at him. "What did you do?" He asked you in a low voice. "Hm? What the fuck did you do?" His heart was thumping through his chest. He knew what he should be feeling right now but he couldn't bring himself to feel it. Kylo had spent so much time agonizing over you being gone that it was difficult for him not to be soft for you. He was at war in his mind.

    What did you do? Your mind raced with all of the things that you had accomplished to get there in front of him. Lying to his uncle, lying to Vicrul and Ushar, holding them at gunpoint, killing Hux...  It was too much to explain right now.

    "I had to." Was what you decided on, feigning confidence even though you were trembling. It was true. You had to do it.

    Kylo was silent as he thought that over, chest rising and falling while his hand stayed tangled in your hair to keep you in your position, not willing to let go of you after being apart as if you were going to disappear again.

You were shaking in his hold, unsure of how he was feeling at that moment or what he was going to do next. You couldn't read his expression. He looked angry, his eye twitching and jaw clenched tightly. Your thoughts were buzzing with anticipation. What was he going to do to you? Lecture you? Tell you that you made a mistake? With the way he was staring, you wouldn't be surprised if he even hurt you.

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