Broken and Unfixed

Chapter Forty-Six

#BAUChapterForty-Six

One week has passed. We're now back in Dylan's house. Gone were the days of enjoying ourselves and having our quality time together. Nakabalik na kami ng Manila para i-settle 'yung mga bagay na kailangan naming gawin.

Kagaya ngayon, Dylan was not here. He needed to go to his work dahil sinabi niyang may kailangan siyang asikasuhin do'n. Mabuti nalang at tapos na kaming kumain kaya alam kong busog siyang umalis. And now I was left here alone. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng gagawin ko. Ayoko namang umalis dahil binilin sa'kin ni Dylan na 'wag akong aalis nang hindi siya kasama.

It's not as if like my life's in danger— but I could clearly feel that he just wants me safe. And so do I.

Bago pa man ako ma-buryong sa bahay ni Dylan ay nag-linis na lang ako ng bahay. I'm pretty sure it would take a couple of hours before I get finished cleaning up. Sa laki at lawak ba naman ng bahay niya, e. Okay na rin, para abalahin ko 'yung sarili ko.

I started cleaning the first floor, where I even rearranged all the furnitures he has. I mopped the floor, wiped all the dust and cleaned up every dust and dirt I see. Sinunod ko naman 'yung second floor na linisin. Hindi naman gano'n kahirap linisin 'yung bahay niya dahil malinis na talaga siya, hindi siya gano'n kadumi. Kung may makita man akong alikabok, madalang lang. Kaunti lang.

He's really that clean and organized man.

Paminsan minsan ay humihinto ako sa paglilinis para uminom ng tubig. Nakakapagod rin kasi, sa laki ng bahay ni Dylan parang mas mauuna akong malagutan ng hininga bago ko malinis lahat ng kasulok-sulukan ng bahay niya.

Nang matapos akong mag-linis ay gumawa pa 'ko ng sandwich para meryendahin. I even baked banana and carrot bread for Dylan. They were his favorite.

Hinuli kong linisin 'yung kwarto niya dahil may mga gamit pa siya doon na naka-tambak. Nag-walis lang ako at nag-mop do'n. Tsaka ko na lilinisin ng bongga kapag nandito si Dylan. Para hindi ko magulo 'yung mga gamit niya.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako nang paglilinis ng mga ibabaw ng cabinet ni Dylan nang may tumunog na cellphone. I'm sure it wasn't me because I turned off mine. Besides, hindi gano'n 'yung ringtone ng sa'kin.

Nilibot ko 'yung paningin ko at nakita kong kay Dylan pala 'yung tumutunog. Du'n pa nakalagay sa may ilalim ng unan niya. Agad akong nag-punas ng kamay at kinuha 'yung phone niya. Marami na palang missed calls si Jack. Pati 'yung nagte-text na boss niya ay may mga missed calls na rin, may mga hidden previews rin na text galing sa boss niya.

Muli na namang tumunog ang phone ni Dylan at agad kong sinagot 'yon. I was about to speak up when Jack spoke. "Fvcker, where the fuck are you? I thought you'll go here? We need to talk to our new clients, dickhead. Don't just leave me here alone. Don't tell me you're with her again?"

Sunod na sunod na pagsasalita niya. Ni hindi ko na nagawang mag-salita. Agad na napuno ng katanungan 'yung utak ko. He said, he'll leave and go straight to his office. Then, why is Jack calling him and asking him where he is? And who's her? Why does it feel like there's something wrong?

Napakurap ako nang mag-salita ulit si Jack. "Fucker, where the hell are you? Our clients is waiting-"

It took me a couple of silence before speaking, "Jack, it's me.. Kaye,"

That made Jack frozed. "What? Oh, shit," He cursed then ended up the call. Leaving me clueless and confused.

What was that?

                                    ***

After that phone conversation I had with Jack, it doesn't made any sense to me, though. Mas dumoble lang 'yung pagka-lito na nararamdaman ko. I couldn't even think properly. It's as if my mind wasn't working. I'm starting to feel like there's really something wrong.

I can feel it. I could sense it.

But, I'm not that hundred percent sure what was that all about.

Lazily, I finished cleaning up and was about to finally have my rest but my gaze suddenly pinned into photo album that was embraced with dust.

Hindi ko ba nalinis 'yun? I asked myself. Pero kinuha ko rin naman 'yun at pinunasan gamit ang basahan na dinampi ko pa sa tubig.

"DAK's" Basa ko sa nakasulat sa photo album. Napakunot ang noo ko. Who the hell would name a photo album with such thing like this?

Natawa na lang ako at binuksan 'yung photo album. Para siyang slambook style. May mga captions pa 'yung pictures. Sa unang page, it was Dylan and Jack's baby picture together. They were really that solid buddies ever since. Inabala ko pa 'yung sarili ko sa pag-tingin ng mga litrato nila. Parang may age-cycle 'yon dahil 'yung mga sumunod na pictures ay kuha na noong nag-aaral sila. From elementary, high-school, hanggang sa mag-binata sila.

"Ang cute," Nakangiting komento ko pa habang pinapasadahan ng tingin 'yung mga pictures nila. Mayroong magka-akbay sila, mayroong mga naka-luhod sila sa asin habang may librong nakapatong sa ulo nila.

Napahalakhak na lang ako. Kung nandito siguro si Dylan, aawatin niya 'kong tingnan 'to dahil for sure maiirita siya at maaasar.

"DJ's Princess?" Napako ang tingin ko sa may litrato ng babae na kasama nila. Napapagitnaan siya nila Jack at Dylan habang magkakaakbay sila.

Who's she? Bigla na namang kumabog 'yung dibdib ko. Nagpatuloy 'yung pag-kabog na 'yon habang padami nang padami 'yung pictures ko nakikita kong kasama siya. Meron pang naka-pasan siya sa likod ni Dylan habang hawak ni Dylan 'yung mga binti niya at sinusuportahan 'yon para hindi siya mahulog.

She must be their friend. Pero bakit ganito 'yung nararamdaman ko? Parang may kung anong tumutusok sa dibdib ko.

Nagseselos ba 'ko? Pero kaibigan nila 'to. Hindi naman ako gano'n ka-babaw para pag-selosan 'yung kaibigan nila. Kung ako nga, e. I have some guy friends, and that's okay. As long as hindi naman nagiging dahilan nang pag-aaway namin ni Dylan o nagiging sanhi ng pagkasira ng relasyon namin.

Natigil ako sa isang picture na kung saan kuha iyon noong birthday nung babae. Dylan and Jack was there— Jack was holding a cake and heart shaped balloons on his other hand. While Dylan was standing beside the girl, with his arms placed around the girl's shoulders.

Hanggang sa matapos ko 'yung photo album na puro pictures ni Dylan at nung babae 'yung nando'n. Halos hindi na kasama si Jack— sila nalang dalawa. At hindi ko alam kung bakit pabigat nang pabigat 'yung nararamdaman ko sa tuwing nakikita ko 'yung litrato nilang dalawa.

Stop looking at those pictures! They were just pictures! They won't hurt you. Pagpapaalala ko sa sarili ko. Pero imbes na maging maayos ako ay mas nahihirapan 'yung loob ko. I grabbed the glass of water beside me and finished it up. I stood up and I was about to put the photo album back in its place when a folded paper dropped on the floor.

I bend down and picked it up. Maingat kong binuksan 'yon at binasa. Agad na nag-tubig ang mata ko sa nabasa ko. Sunod sunod lang 'yung pag-patak ng luha ko hanggang sa nag-simula na ring sumikip 'yung dibdib ko. Parang may karayom na dahan dahang tumutusok sa dibdib ko at kada tusok no'n ay bumabaon 'yon sa puso ko.

Sino ka ba talaga, Kaitlyn? At ano'ng papel mo sa buhay ni Dylan?

Kung ano anong scenario na 'yung tumatakbo sa utak ko. At lahat sila, masasakit tanggapin. I know I shouldn't be jumping into conclusions that easily. But.. what can I do? I'm hurting.

Or does it me who keeps on hurting myself with those unanswered accusations?