From Grief We grew (Only On Wattpad)

Chapter 16 Hayden

   "I'm so sorry Hayden."

   "What for?" I ask looking at her hand and back at her.

   "For everything. For shutting you out. For not being there when Zayden died. Sorry that you had to go through all that. Sorry for being a complete asshole to you."

   I chuckle and look at her. Her glossy eyes sparkle at me.

   "You were an asshole not gone lie. But I understand. When my mum died I became cold too but then Zayden brought me back to my old self. I know losing someone you love can be painful but letting the pain change you is not fair. Zay would always say I can either cry and make my mum sad or live and make her proud. It took me time to get back there but I did. And now that Zayden is gone I'm not gonna do otherwise. No matter how hard it is, I'm gonna push myself. My brother and mother might be dead but they are still living in me and my family. They are somewhere where every dead person goes and are watching me. Always. I'm doing it for them."

   She rests her head on my chest and I wrap my arms around her. "I kissed Lucah yesterday," she says casually.

   "Wow,"  Zayden says.

   "But then I panicked. The guilt of being happy without him took over me and I left. That's why I skipped college today. I was too overwhelmed."

   I don't say anything. I try thinking of the best advice. "Tell her to get her ass out there,"  Zayden says.

   "Get your ass out there!" I blurt out.

   "What?" Nice go, Zay. I mentally roll my eyes.

   "I mean uhmm see Teagan I'm gonna repeat Zayden's words. He lives in you now. In your grief, you can water it and let something grow from it or destroy it with a storm. You can push yourself out there and make him proud or you can kill everything you had by not doing anything. People die all the time Teagan. It's a moment in life, the biggest trial where we have to put on the biggest battle. You can use all your strength and win or let it kill you. But remember you aren't alone. We all are with you. And once you win it, trust me you'll make something beautiful out of it."

   "You know you give pretty good advice."

   "Got that from my brother. I'm living for the both of us, aren't I?" I proudly smile and she chuckles, her cheeks vibrating on my chest making it glow more.

   "Do you like Lucah?"

   "I don't know. But he's really nice and being with him makes me feel safe kinda like with Zayden. "

   "Well talk to him about it. The guy seems nice T. Don't let him go if your heart says not to."

   She hums.

   "You should join the band again Hayden," She says pulling away.

   "They already replaced me."

   "Do you at least go for their gigs?"

   "Yes. I see them now and then."

   "You should at least go for karaoke."

   "I guess I should. After Zay, I just kept myself busy with work, college and online tutorials so that there was no room for pain. I guess I might have forgotten what doing the things I love felt like."

   "Guess we both have to get our asses out there uh?" I chuckle and nod.

   "Get up," I tell her.

   "What?"

   "Get up."

   We both stand up and I walk towards a tree. "C'mon let's get our asses up there," I point up. I start climbing the tree as sweat dribbles from my body due to the heat. I look down and see her climbing behind me. I stop at the sixth branch and sit on it. She sits beside me and our legs dangle in the air.