From Grief We grew (Only On Wattpad)

Chapter 63 Teagan

Upon insisting on returning to his place, we end up grabbing all the things from my place and going over to his. He holds my hands, leading me into the bedroom and turning on the light. He leads me to this desk and I gasp seeing the words written on it. Something beautiful always grows from grief. I look at him, “H-How? When did I tell you this?” I frown, trying to think.
 
   “At the funeral,” he simply replies.
 
   “What?”
 
   “These words, your words have been my saving grace since then, Teagan. I was there in the cemetery on that day.” His words make me stumble back. Yet another coincidence? I hold onto the table. “You okay?” I nod and ask, “So you knew about Zayden-“ he shakes his head. “No. No. I never saw you. I didn’t realise it was you. I don’t know if I told you this but Ashley's grave is in St. Peter's cemetery. I had woken up the previous day from the surgery. I wasn’t pleased to be awake, however. I wished I hadn’t honestly. I went to the graveyard to visit Ashley and that’s when I heard your speech.” He ran his fingers over the desk. “These words, it shifted something in me. Right then, Alfonso called. Alfonso, who ignored me for months! He told me he was in the hospital and was worried why I wasn’t there. I took it as a sign. Ashley was telling me to live.” He chuckles, “But it was you-“
 
   “Telling you to live because I needed you,” I finish as if reading his mind and he nods.
 
   “I came home and wrote these words with a marker on my desk only recently did I paint it.” No wonder I didn’t notice it. Now, the words are painted in big bright colours. He opens his drawer and pulls out a basket from it. Inside, there are a bunch of folded notes. I take one and open it. Attempt 3: train tracks. I look at him bewildered. He chuckles, running his fingers through his hair. “It still amuses me, T, I swear. Without even realising, we kept finding each other. Faith told me some pretty angel prayed for me. Months later, I first see you by a cafe. No clue it was you who I heard in the cemetery. Faith told me that it was you who prayed for me and I felt drawn towards you. Probably love at first sight. But then I never saw you again. Yet everyday I kept reading these words without even realising it was you. It blows my mind!”
 
   “What about this?” I hold out the note.
 
   He takes it from me. “I was once again at the graveyard when it happened. I was sitting by Ashley when this paper flew towards me. I picked it up and realised it was a suicide note. Something in me told me I had to save whoever wrote this, so I came to the tracks that day and there you were. It confused me why you would take your life but through your words, I figured you lost someone dear.”
 
   “And then we met in college. At the same college...” I trail off.
 
   “Freaking coincidence, right? What were the chances that we wouldn’t have met?”
 
   I look at the basket of notes and start opening them. “Did you find all of them?” I ask, frowning. I didn’t like the idea of Lucah reading all my feelings.  I found the note about me liking him. About my periods. About missing Zayden.
 
   “I don’t think so. I think I only got the main ones. Like when you first pushed me away, I found the poem about how you were in debate about us. About our kiss. When you were on your periods.”
 
   That’s when it sinks in. It made him understand... No wonder he was so patient.
 
   “I guess whatever force was trying to get us together wanted me to understand you because you weren’t able to tell me.”
 
   I feel something fall on my hand. I see a drop of water and that’s when I realise I’m crying. Was this all you, Zayden? “D-did you see his grave?”
 
   “No. Not until a while ago. I was walking by and saw a cup of ocean on it with a note. I read the name and remembered your family mentioning it but Ugh, my stupid jealous brain didn’t put one into two and figured out it was Hayden's twin. I didn’t know his last name. Nothing was on his Instagram either and it was private, so I failed to see.”
 
   “So you only came to know when I told you?”
 
   He nods and then pulls out a paper from his pocket. I open it and see my handwriting. The eulogy. “This one flew to me too believe it or not. When I saw those words, I was shocked. I came home unable to believe it and compared the handwriting. It matched. I immediately wanted to see you and came to your workplace. I waited and waited but then I found out that you had already left. I went home to find you and that’s when Bea spoke to me and told me what’s been going on at home.”
 
   “Did she tell you about Zayden?”
 
   He shakes his head. “She only told me about herself. How she and Hayden met, how he is fighting for a child that isn’t his. I think she was trying to make me see why he would never cheat on her and I did. He loves her as much as I love you and I was a fool to think otherwise.”
 
   I shake my head, crying bitterly. Lucah reaches for something in his drawer and pulls out another note. I take it and open the paper. It is a abstract drawing of a boy with words scribbled on the side. A note I left Zayden the next day after our breakup. Torn between grief, added with guilt, choking on my words, how do I tell him it was you without breaking? I notice tears in his eyes too.
 
   “I should be helping you the way you helped me but instead, all I did was make it worse. I pushed you when you weren’t ready and suspected you when you were innocent. I’m such a fucking-“ I close his mouth with my hand as I desperately shake my head. “No,” I whisper. “You have no clue how much you helped me.” I remove my hand and wipe his cheeks.
 
   “You were the thought that kept driving me through this week. Actually no- You are the reason I even lived. Want to live. It is because of you. The day after our break up, I almost died. I fell into the ice. But I didn’t want to die. I was scared. For the first time in more than a year, I wished to not die and it’s only because of you. I wanted to live to be with you because you made me feel like I belong here.”
 
   “R-really?” Tears roll down his cheeks again.
 
   I nod and cling onto him. “The playlist you made, thoughts of you, it was my motivation. Because of you  I was able to finally let go. I gave away all his clothes. The drawings I buried it.” I lift my head and place my hands on his cheeks. “I let it all go just to be with you.” I chuckle, wiping his tears. “I love you, Lucah. I love you so much and I’m glad you are my soulmate.” His hand moves behind my back and he pulls me close while leaning in. We kiss. The saltiness of our tears lingers on our lips but they quickly fade away as we stop crying. His left hand grips the left side of my waist, pulling me close.
 
   He pulls away after a while, looking at me as he pants heavily. I get on my tip toes and start kissing his face. I kiss his nose, his cheeks and his forehead. “I love you so so much,” I whisper.
 
   “I love you too.” He holds my face stopping me. I look at him and smile softly. “There wasn’t a minute that I didn’t think of you,” he whispers. “Me too,” I reply, my eyes welding with tears again but this time in overwhelmed joy. He makes his face huff-like chuckle that, for some reason, still makes my knees weak. “You have no clue how much I missed you, T-rex.”
 
   “Then show me.”
 
   He opens his eyes. “The stitches... I won’t be able to stop...”
 
   “I know you’ll be careful. I trust you.”
 
   He nods and goes back to kissing me. His lips trail down my jaws to my neck. His hand slips under my dress and caresses my side. His cold hands send shivers down my spin. As if sensing it, I feel his fingers trail down my back, making me tremble in his arms. I feel his teeth on my neck, tugging at my skin. A soft gasp escapes my lips.
 
   Only for a split second, then he steps back and helps me remove my dress. His eyes wander from my head to toe, making me blush. “My beautiful T-rex.” I chuckle and smack his chest. I help him with his shirt before he resumes what he was doing. His hands slowly trail over to my chest. Just like that, my mind goes back to when we were in Alfonso's house. His hand fondling with my breast as his mouth scars every part of my neck. I just stand there like a puppet under his spell. 
 
   He gets on his knees and looks up at me. “I love you so much, Teagan.” I shyly smile. He wraps his arms around my thighs and pulls me close. I feel his gentle kisses over my stomach. His lips trail over the bandage and kisses around it. Every kiss causes something inside my stomach to explode. It twists and flutters, my heart violently beating in pure chaos that he has inflicted in me. I feel his hands caresses my thighs while he continues to kiss my waist. I just stand there trying not to fall.
 
   I then pull him up, not being able to take it anymore. I push him to sit on the chair. He looks at me in surprise as I sit on his lap. “Let me show you how much I love you,” I whisper and he nods. He wraps his arms around my back as I start kissing his neck. Hearts beat against each other and our skin seem to be the only barrier. My lips took its time lingering on every inch of his skin. His soft moans are like sweet harmony to my ears. “Soulmates,” I whisper as I think of how destiny brought us together. “Twin flames,” he corrects, making my heart skip a beat. He is right. He and I are more than just two different halves. We are one and the same. A mirror to each other. No wonder he brings out the best in me. He is more of me and I am more of him. We both are flames that blaze when together.
 
   He squeezes my thighs and that's when I realise something poking me. I pull away breathlessly and look at him. “Love me.” That’s all he needs to hear. He immediately stands up, carrying me in his arms. He gently lays me on his bed. The last bits of my clothes come undone. Even though it’s my first time with Lucah, I don’t feel nervous at all. He lays beside me and wraps his arms around me. As he engulfs me in his embrace, he slides himself inside me. Just like that our bodies and souls seem to become one entity. I cling to him dearly. My fingers digging into his skin. His lips paint my upper chest and collar bone with kisses. I take deep breaths and all I can taste is the musky smell with a hint of paint that emits from his body. Lucah stops for a moment and lifts his head. "Are you okay?" I nod, unable to speak. He nods too. "I love you so f*cling much," he says almost like a growl before he dips into me again.

   "I love you too," I breathe out, feeling like my heart would burst into a million molecules  just for him.