From Grief We grew (Only On Wattpad)

Chapter 28 Teagan

I'm still on a search for you
But you are no where to be found.
I tried kissing your brother
But it didn't feel right.
I didn't feel you.
“You like someone else,” he said
But I like you right?
Maybe he's right.
I try to push these fixed feelings
And only focus on you
But I guess he already
made a place for himself
Somewhere in the corner
of my numb heart
And this little space
keeps trying to shine
While the numbness pushes it away.
 
- The battle is real
 
   I visit Zay before I go home. I eat my dinner and try to hold a conversation with my parents but it's been difficult since the numbness set in me from Sunday. I drag myself into the room and lay on my bed. I put my headsets over my ears and press play on my space he left playlist as I close my eyes allowing myself to drown in the music.
 
Death bed - Powfu
My immortal - Evanescence
Slipped away - Avril lavigne
I can't breathe - Bea Miller
Do they dance in heaven - Molly Lane
I'll see you again - Westlife
Little do you know - Alex and Sierra
Can you hold me - NF ft. Britt Nicole
Ghost of you - 5 seconds of summer
Two of us - Louis Tomlinson
Unsteady - X ambassadors
The lonely - Christina Perri
 
   Around 9:30 I get a text from Hayden : She's finally mine :)))))) with a snap of them.
 
   Awe I snap back.
 
   Then I get another text from him: You should speak to Lucah.
 
   I hesitate. Then I pull up his name on snapchat and type in I'm sorry. I truly am. I never intended to hurt you and I didn't kiss Fiona on purpose. Let’s talk. I hit send.
 
   I get a text from Fiona on my snap. I open it and read it have you two spoke? I reply no to that.
 
   Did you text him or trying talking to him? She messages back immediately. I reply yes and she sends a hugging gif.
 
   I lay the phone back on my chest as I close my eyes and continue listening to my playlist as tears roll down my cheeks.
 
****
 
   I walk out of my classroom and look around for Lucah. I see him coming down the stairs. I sigh. Okay T this is it. Get your shit together and talk to him. I start approaching him when a arm links itself with his. Arms linked together with huge smile on their faces, they walk past me. Haley slaps his shoulder and he laughs to something she said. I feel a pit in my stomach but I try pushing the feeling away. I turn on my heel and walk away. My mind keeps going back to what I just saw. I groan unable to focus on driving. Are they in love? Has he moved on? Or maybe he was double flirting? Questions run through my mind.
 
A new feeling bloomed inside me
Something I only felt
when you weren't with me
Jealousy
But then I saw him
with someone else
And it bloomed back into me
Oh what a funny thing
L O V E
How the heart makes places
For another
While it still moans the dead
Of someone else
And how it feel jealous
Over someone
It keeps pushing away.
 
- P.S. I'm sorry
 
   I check his chat box and see his bitmoji popping up. I smile and start texting. I'm sorry. I know you deserve an explanation. I'm sorry. I’m just not ready to talk about it yet but what I can tell you that I lost someone I loved a lot and it's been really hard on me. Kissing Fiona was a mistake I swear.
 
   He keeps typing and I feel nervous all of a sudden. It's okay he finally sends. Sorry I pushed you away. He’s apologizing? But why!!? Why does he have to be nice!!!!! This makes me feel more bad.
 
   I've been a bitch to you. I'm so sorry. I just need some time to clear my mind I reply. I feel my palms sweat as he begins typing again.
 
Tell me one thing. When you kissed me, did you feel anything? Was it a mistake too? I read his text and another load of guilt washes over me. I quickly reply: No, I meant to kiss you. I did feel things I thought I won't feel again.
 
And that is? He sends with a smirk emoji making me blush. I reply with a firework emoji.
 
   Hmmm he replies with a monkey closing its eye emoji. I chuckle. It's okay T. Take your time, I understand. Fiona already told me about it. I'm sorry for your loss. Just know that if you need anyone to talk I'm always here okay.
 
Fiona spoke to him? I frown. I send him a heart and dial Fiona's number.
 
   "Hey how are you?" She asks first thing.
 
   "Okayish. You?"
 
   "Good. Has He spoken to you yet?"
 
   "Yes. Did you speak to him?" I ask.
 
   "Well Uhm yeah. You told me yesterday he didn't text you so I came to your college in the afternoon."
 
   "You did!" I'm shocked.
 
   "Yes. I saw him and spoke to him."
 
   "Why didn't you speak to me? What did you tell him?" I ask a bit annoyed considering the fact that she might have told him about Zay.
 
   "I told him that I kissed you. It was a mistake and it wasn't intentionally done. I also told him that you are going through some issues and asked him to be understanding and give you sometime."
 
   She took the blame for me?...Wow all these people ( Hayden, Lucah, Fiona, my parents etc) are trying to look out for me and they have been nothing but nice to me while all you ever do is be a bitch! I feel bad...
 
   "I'm so sorry Fiona," I whisper.
 
   "For what?"
 
   "Everything."
 
   "It's okay T. I understand. "
 
   I need to fix this I think to myself. All their words play in my mind.
 
You can either water it and let something grow from it or destroy it with a storm I repeat the words in my head.
 
"Wanna come over? A sleep over maybe? Bring Mona," I tell her.
 
"Yes that sounds fun."
 
   After the call, I decide to reach out to few of my friends from high school. Following that, I then cook dinner for us all by the time Fiona and Mona arrives. Seeing the girls took my parents by surprise but I could tell it was a pleasant one.
 
   The night goes well. We end up taking a lot of pictures, eating, singing and pillow fighting before we crash. And to be honest I feel happy again and I swear I felt Zayden around.
 
****
 
I hug my parents before leaving the house. I find a box on my front porch. I pick it up and find a note on it. I open the box and see chocolates inside. A huge smile spreads across my face. I read the note I want to be there for you. P.s. please check out the playlist I shared with you. I quickly go back into the house and tell my mum to kept the box in the fridge before I leave to college.
 
   I look around for Lucah but I don't see him. I see his friend, Haley coming down the stairs. I run up to her and ask, "Hey where is Lucah?"
 
   "He's talking to his teacher."
 
   "Oh alright." I start claiming the stairs.
 
   "It would take awhile,” she informs.
 
   "I'll wait outside then."
 
   She nods and I turn around.
 
   "Teagan?" I look back at her and she says, "Don't break his heart." At that moment I know there is nothing between them. I smile and reply, "I won't." I get into my car, connect my phone to my car and open Spotify. I click the playlist he sends.
 
Anyway – Noah Kahan
Hang on a little longer - UNSECRET, Ruelle
Let me love you – Justin Bieber
Talk to me - Cavetown
Ok - Mabel
Fall on me – A great big world
Lay it all on me – Rudimental, Ed Sheeran
 
One song is all it takes to get me to burst out. I listen to all the songs and by the last one my cheeks are dried and stained. All I can think of his how much he loves me after everything I’ve done.
 
   I see him walking out of the building. I get out of my car and run towards him. He sees me and stops walking. “Wow what happened you look-“ I just chuckle and cling onto him as tight as I can. He wraps his arms around me and I feel complete. My heart starts to feel warm again.
 
   I realized something yesterday. All the dirt that my moaning and grieving for Zayden. But I won’t anymore. I need t be happy. I deserve to be.
 
   "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I'm so sorry I’ve been queen of bitches, it's not me, sorry," I ramble in his chest.
 
  He makes his famous huff-like chuckle, “Queen of bitches.” I feel his chest vibrate and I smile.
 
   "I promise I'll never push you away or hurt you again."
 
   "That's a relief.”
   I pull away and pout. He ruffles my hair making me huff. I look take his hand in mine. "Can I take you out?" I ask.
 
   "Are you asking me on a date Teagan Jones?" He smirks.
 
   "Maybe I am Lucah Krum," I tell him.
 
   "Flirty. I likey." He says making me chuckle.
 
   "Okay let me call Alfonso.”
 
   "Alright. I'll meet you opposite the college. Lemme take out my car." He nods.
 
   I drive out of the parking lot and stop on the opposite side of the road. After a few minutes, he gets into the car with a sad expression.
 
   "He said I can't. I have work."
 
   "Oh...” My smile drops.
 
   "I'm sorry."
 
   "It's okay. How about tomorrow?"
 
   "I can't. "
 
  “Oh...”
 
   Suddenly he starts laughing and says, "Gosh you should have seen your face." Then he pouts trying to imitate me. I look at him in confusion.
 
   "Drive to Lindwood street. I'll change and then we can go."
 
   "Wait we can go?!" I exclaim and he nods.
 
   I slap his arm. “Fucker!"
 
   “Queen of bitches,” he grins.
 
   I burst out laughing.