From Grief We grew (Only On Wattpad)

Chapter 59 Teagan

I walke up having the urge to pee. Someone's hand prevents me from moving. I slowly turn around and look at the person beside me. We slept in the same bed. I blush and I feel my skin heat up by his touch. I remember the events of yesterday and smile. Just like that, a thought crosses my mind: I don’t want to keep you away anymore. 
 
   I slowly slide out of his grip and stand up. I look at the time on my phone. 5.00. There is also a message from Hayden and a missed call. Hey, sorry I didn’t attend your call. We are okay. How are you? Call me when you wake up. I reply okay and then go to the washroom. 
 
   When I come out, I find another text from Hayden. I sit down and text him. He tells me that he couldn't get sleep so he is out driving, trying to clear his mind. I ask him if he could give me a ride home and he agrees. Ignoring the pain in my side, I try to plan my day as I put on some clothes. I look at Lucah who snores soundly and I smile. Please don’t be mad. I tiptoe out of the room and close the door behind me.
 
   “Teagan?” 
 
   I cautiously turn around. Paul looks at me from the kitchen. I awkwardly smile and wave. “Not sleeping?” I ask.
 
   “I could ask you the same,” he replies walking towards me.
 
   “I need to go home for a while. There are things I should do,” I simply reply.
 
   “Like what?”
 
   “Uhm… See there are some things in my life that stop me from being the my best version for Lucah okay? I need to clear that,” I vaguely explain.
 
   “Can't it wait?” he sips his tea as he frowns. 
 
   “No. Right now I have this urge and if I don’t do it now, then I might not be able to do it again. I need to go NOW. I swear I’ll be back tonight.”
 
   He nods and puts his cup away. “I’ll take you,” he offers but I decline saying Hayden is coming to pick me up. Paul then offers to take me downstairs and I let him help. Hayden arrives on time and I thank Paul before getting in. On the way, Hayden fills me in with what happened with his dad.
 
   “That's awesome! I'm genuinely happy for you.” He nods and smiles. I notice he looks a little happier today and that makes me smile. 

***

I open my closet and sigh looking at the mess it is in. I lean forward to grab a shirt of Zay's when my waist twists in pain. I hiss and hold onto it. Biting my teeth I grab the shirt and then straighten my posture. I sniff it letting the familiar smell fill my lungs. My eyes start to prick with tears and I drop the shirt. I stare at the box of clothes that I packed earlier this week. Then I turn around and take a deep breath. “You need to do this. For Lucah. For Him. I can’t sabotage things with him again,” I tell myself as I lift the collar of the shirt I’m wearing. Lucah's smell clouds my brain and I feel a little better. 
 
   I sit on the floor and start packing my old clothes into a box that I found in our garage. I only leave back two shirts (one of mine and one of Zay's) that Lucah liked when I wore them, a pair of Zay's socks that he stained with paint and a pair of Jeans that he painted for me. You don’t have to give away everything, I tell myself remembering Alfonso. I leave back the shoe he painted the mural on and pack the other shoe he gifted me on my 18th birthday. 
 
   By the time I’m done, I feel rather empty. The wound stings a lot so I sit at my desk and grab some papers. I grab some pencils and start sketching on it. I draw a boy and a girl curled up under the sheets. I smile as I stare at him. My phone rings. It’s from Lucah. 
 
   “Teagan, where are you!?” He yells as soon as I pick up the call.
 
   “Lucah.” I look at the clock. 7.30. “What are you doing up so early?” I ask.
 
   “Teagan, where are you?” he repeats.
 
   “In my house.”
 
   There is silence for a moment. Then he asks, “What happened? Is this about yesterday?” 
 
   “Yes,” I whisper smiling as I run my finger along my neck where he kissed me.
 
   “Oh.” Disappointment. I sense it in his voice.
 
   “I couldn’t get sleep for a while last night,” I tell him as I stare at the boxes. 
 
   “Why?”
 
   “I was thinking about us. You. Me. Us…” I trail off.
 
   “Oh.”
 
   “You made me realize something last night.” 
 
   “I did?” he asks cautiously. 
 
   “Ah huh. I'm ready Lucah. I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life. With you. I wanna see you but not right now. I'm on my final page. I’ll come to you tonight. Will you wait for me?” I speak as I continue to draw a portrait of him and me. 
 
   “Does this have to do with Zayden?” I hum. “Of course, I'll wait for you, I love you after all.” His words make my heart flutter. Me too Lucah. Wait for me and I'll tell you. “Just be careful. Okay? Don’t strain yourself.”
 
   “Darling, come look at this!” I turn around and look at my dad. “Thank you. I gotta go now. I’ll call you later," I tell Lucah and end the call. My father walks in looking around. He notices the empty closet and looks at me. “Did you do it?” I nod. He smiles and wraps his arms around me. “Ughh, pudding I’m so proud of you.” 
 
   “Wow, what’s happening? How did you get here?” my mum asks as she walks in. 
 
   “Hayden dropped me. I felt like cleaning up.”
 
   “Honey, you could have told us we-"

   I shake my head cutting her off, “I have to do it. This is how I turn the page.” My father looks at my mother with a grin. She nods and then hugs me too. “Well, I’m glad I got to see you before I leave.”
 
   I frown and pull back. “Leave? Where are you going?” 
 
   “Did you forget? I'm going to Quebec for a case. I told you I’m doing this final one for a friend before retiring.” 
 
    Only now does it hit me. “Gosh, I forgot. What time is your flight? Ugh! I thought one of you could help me drop those boxes off at the orphanage.” 
 
   My parents exchange looks. “I will leave in one hour. I’ll tell you what. I’ll take your car and go to the airport. Let your father give you a ride around. I’ll ask someone to drop the car off later,” she suggests.
 
   “No. It’s okay. I’ll ask-“
 
   “Teagan, this is a big step for you and I want to be in it with you,” my dad says squeezing my shoulders. 
 
   I nod and hug him. 

***

The first trip we make is to Fanshawe. After sneaking many times into the forest area behind the college, I figured out a shortcut to cut in through the woods. My father insists on coming with me. Luckily, I let him because getting under the broken fence is a real struggle. I almost scream while trying to get under the fence. So my father goes in and pushes a bin close to the fence. Then he comes back out and carries me helping me to climb over it.

   "Honey, I really don't know how you snuck through this. You could have hurt yourself," he says as he squats and gets back into the college premises through the fence.

   I bite my teeth and sit down. We both dig a hole big enough to fit two books: Zay's book with drawings of me and the gold spiral one with drawings of him. We bury them both. Both have missing pages since I tore out two papers from each book saving a piece of memory for me before leaving home.

   "Honey, are you sure that CCTV isn't working?" My dad asks pointing at it.

   "Mm, I don't think they fixed it yet."

   "Geez bud. Do you wanna go to jail?" I chuckle in response and shake my head.

   I grab some seeds of sunflowers we picked up on our way. My father digs several smaller holes around the big one. Filling it all with seeds, I then cover the holes with sand. I grab my water bottle and pour some water over them. Finally, you can be where you belong.

***

The pain only got worse by the time we got back to the car. I look down and notice a wet mark on Lucah's black shirt. I lift the shirt and cringe at the sight. The bandage covering my wound is red. I touch it and my fingers also become Red. “Dad,” I whisper not taking my eyes off of the wound.
 
   “No. No. No. See this is why- I- why I insisted you let me do the physical work,” my dad grumbles running his hand through his hair.
 
   I place my hand on his. “I’m okay. Just go to the hospital. Paul should be in by now. I'm sure it’s not as bad as it looks.”
 
   It is as bad as it looks. My father gives me an angry look and Paul shakes his head as he treats my wound that opened out due to exertion. “You should be resting, Teagan,” Paul says. “And careful. The wound is still fresh.”
 
   “I will! And I was careful. I didn’t hurt myself, did I?” I ask looking at him. My father scoffs and starts lecturing me on how it is easy for the wound to get infected. Then moving on to how risky it is for my life.
 
   “Okay. Okay, geez. I won’t do any more bending. We'll drop off the stuff at the orphanage and then you can take me home. I swear I won’t budge after that,” I tell him holding out my hand.
 
   “Nah uh. If Lucah knows you busted the wound, he is going to kill me for letting you leave,” Paul replies.
 
   I roll my eyes. “Well don’t tell him.” Paul gives me a stern look. “Please Paul, I really have to finish this. I won’t even carry anything. My father can. I’ll just tag along. I’ll be more careful I swear,” I try convincing him.
 
   “Okay. Fine. Uncle, can I talk to you outside?” Uncle? When did these two get over the formal basis? I watch them walk away. I sigh and hug myself imagining I’m hugging Lucah.
 
   “I'm going to finish what I started.”