From Grief We grew (Only On Wattpad)

Chapter 37 Lucah

“You’re wrong, Lucah.”
 
   “What?” I ask not quite catching what she said.
 
   She looks at me with watery eyes and says, “You are wrong. I’m not a free spirit. I’m nothing like I used to be.”
 
    I wish you would just tell me what happened I think to myself. She never tells me anything about her past. With pieces, I collected her and there all I know is someone dear to her died.
 
   “No.” I take her hand in mine. “You are. You live the way you want to T. You are very passionate about what you like. The way you looked at me when I modelled. Everyone seemed to have lost thought. Too busy checking me out but you looked focused. Your eyebrows knitted. You let art take over you.”
 
   She chuckles, “I might have checked you out a little bit.”
 
   “I know,” I giggle. “But once the teacher spoke you were all focused. You also seem to enjoy your own company. While everyone hangs out in the free hours, you wander off into the woods to draw.”
 
   “Lucah are you stalking me?” she smirked.
 
   Shit! Good job Lou, now she’ll think you’re a creep my mind taunts at me. Well at eat she doesn’t know about the other things.
 
   “I uhm may have followed you one or twice into the woods and watched you draw,” I confess feeling embarrassed.
 
  “For real?! Ah, no wonder. I thought I saw you there once.”
 
   I get a flashback of the first time it happened. I was in class when something outside the window caught my eye. It took me a moment to realize who it was. I watched as she kicked aside the broken fence and crawled underneath it. My teacher was on leave that day so I decided to follow her. By the time I got out, she was gone but I knew where she went. I look at the broken fence which stood between the college premises and the woods. I frowned wondering why she would go there considering the fact it might be haunted.
 
   There have been rumours of people committing suicide in the woods. People say it’s haunted so people don’t go there. Plus it’s prohibited too. I rarely see people sneak in. I’m sure Teagan knew about all this so I couldn’t help but wonder why.
 
   For the first time, I found myself inside the woods. Soon I saw Teagan. She climbed on a rock and sat on it. I stood behind a tree and watched her take out a phone. She placed it to her ears and started crying after a few seconds. Her sobs echoed through the woods. My heart sank but I controlled the urge to go to her. She took out a big book and started sketching. It was almost as if she was possessed. She was crying, her hands were moving swiftly in all directions, her hair loosely dangled down her shoulders. Something about what I saw got me intrigued. Through the leaves, the sunlight broke through and shined on her. Her skin and hair radiated and glistened. It was like watching a goddess in action. I couldn’t stop myself from watching... This was way right before the day I first brought her chocolates and spoke to her.
 
   I look at her and find her deep in thought. Fuck... she’s judging me. “I’m sorry,” I tell her and she looks at me blankly.  “I'm sorry. I only followed you to warn you about the place and make sure you were okay. I didn’t mean to invade your privacy,” I tell her honestly leaving out the part where I stayed because I was captured by her beauty. She simply nods and then there is an awkward silence between us. Great job Lou, my mind taunts again.  
 
   I’m about to apologize again when she speaks “I’m not free-spirited and definitely not passionate about what I do. I gave up on it. I gave up on what I loved. I’m barely able to be who I used to be. Now I’m just a shell of someone I once was.”
 
   She doesn’t look at me. She looks down staring at her hands that lay in her lap. I place my hand on it. “That is okay. I see it in your eyes. It is still in you. You can find yourself again.”
 
   She shakes her head. “It feels wrong. I don’t know how to go on without the constant guilt that he isn’t here.”
 
  “Who?”
 
   “Someone close to me died last year.” she sniffles. “We were explorers. We'd sneak out to have fun which meant gulping apple juice till we get a brain freeze and painting the most random object we see. I loved to skate. I don’t know how many times we got hurt trying to do tricks but we didn’t mind. Nothing hurt back then. I was bold and reckless. I was also very bossy that I earned the name Big T. I loved to swim but he didn’t. But he always cheered me. Now he’s gone and I can’t seem to function. I can’t swim, skate, Live or paint that’s why I even joined college late. Everything hurts. It h-hurts so much.” Her voice cracks at the end. I feel my heart clench and I quickly wrap my arms around her and kiss her head.
 
   “But hey look you are doing it though. You are trying to live. You are doing great in college. You still got some rad skating tricks and you got a job to swim. It is okay to be dysfunctional when someone you love dies. I was a madman when Ashley died too but I guess eventually as they say time does heal all things. It is slowly healing you too. Just give it a chance. Change is okay too, just try to be happy. Try to do what you love because that will make your loved one's soul be at peace.”
 
   “Also it can be hard to do it on your own. So spend more time with people who make you feel better and whole,” I add as I stroke her head.
 
   “That is what I’m doing right now,” she mutters making my heart skip a beat. I don’t say anything. I just rest my cheeks on her head and hold her in my arms.
 
    After a while, she pulls away and wipes her cheeks.  “Let’s go home before it gets dark.” I nod and grab all my things and walk back to my bike.
 
   Oh, I forgot! The thing that Alfonso and Paul have been bugging me about pops into my head and I start to feel anxious. What if she doesn’t agree? “Uhm Teagan?” she turns around and looks at me making me. Just ask her! But what if she thinks badly of me? She raises an eyebrow and I find myself asking her something else instead, “Would you like to meet Alfonso? He would love to see you. Oh! and your drawings.”
 
   Her face lights up and she nods vigorously saying “Oh Gosh yes! Yes, I would love to.”  She hugs me “Let us go home first and I'll change.” I nod and sit on the motorbike as I sigh. I need to ask her at her house.
 
   I sit in the living room sipping on a glass of juice as I wait for her to get dressed. She walks out of the bathroom wearing a lovely red dress that falls a little below her knees. She twirls around and asks, “How do I look?”
 
   “Beautiful as always,” I reply and give her a thumbs up. I notice her bit her bottom lip and playing with her fingers. She’s nervous. I wonder:  is it because he is her role model or my family? I know the second one is too good to be true. I mean why should she be? We aren’t dating.
 
   “Will he like me?” the question catches me off guard. She said like me. Not her drawings but her as a person. Could it be...
 
   I quickly nod and say, “He will love you.” Just like I do.
 
    She turns around to do her makeup. I take the chance to ask her what I’ve been meaning to ask. Okay say it, Lou, she isn’t looking. Say it. “Teagan-“ right then her phone rings and I groan. She looks at me and I shake my head.
 
   “Hello...Is everything alright?... How is Bea?... I’m with Lucah. You?... Alright.” I sit and watch as she talks. “Oh really!... Yes yes, I’m free tomorrow.” She looks at me and asks, “Are you free tomorrow?”
 
  “Uhm maybe? Why?”
 
   “He's free. We'll come... Oh, what about your friends... Alright, I’ll ask Fiona. Okay. I’ll let you know. Bye.”
 
   She places her phone on the table and looks at me. “Hayden got tickets for this cool Maze. He got six tickets. Maybe bring Haley along. Ask her. I’ll invite Fiona too.”
 
   I nod. “What time?”
 
   “Oh uhm... He didn’t say that. I’ll text and ask him.”
 
   At the mention of Fiona. I think of her Instagram page. “Is Fiona single?” I ask her.
 
   “Yes. Why?”
 
   “She is also Pan right?” Teagan nods with a frown. “Cool. Cool.”
 
   “Why do you ask?”
 
   “I will definitely bring Haley. They two can get along. It would be nice.” I grin as I start to make plans like cupid.
 
   “Is uhm Haley into women?”
 
   “Yes. Did you not know? Everyone in Fanshawe knows. She is famous and gay.”
 
   “I let my jealousy blind me...” she mutters seeming deep in thought. 
 
   Did I hear that right? “What!?”
 
   “I said that out loud? Nothing! I’ll bring Fiona. We'll make the match,” she says and quickly turns around. She starts doing her mascara and I think to myself first I need to make the match for me. Okay, Lou, tell her. Do it now.
 
    She stops doing her eyelashes and raises her eyebrow looking at me through the mirror. I end up blunting trash. “Can I introduce you as my girlfriend?” F*ck... Will you be my girlfriend? How hard is that to say, you fool!
 
   Seeing Teagan frown, I panic. “I mean, will you? Could you? Ugh, what am I saying... Look no pressure. That was out of the blue. Sorry. It’s just that everyone knows I’m seeing a girl and keep calling you my girlfriend. I thought maybe if you wanted we can make it official. But I understand if you don’t want to.”
 
   Then she chuckles, nodding as she applies lipgloss. “Okay.”
 
   “Okay?” I ask a big grin spreading on my face.
 
   “Yes of course,” she nods and walks into the bathroom. I double-fist the air in joy. Teagan walks out and I quickly pretend like I’m stretching.