Captured By Love

chapter thirty-seven

You didn't mind at all that Loki was a frost giant. He had thought that you would be scared or think that he's a monster, but you didn't. It had just proved more that he truly loved and cared about you, and in the way no one did. Your whole life you had felt like no one cared about you, not really. Clint has been the only one who has shown even a little sign of love, but what comes to your father or mother.. nothing.
And maybe your story didn't have the greatest start, but you wouldn't trade it. You finally admitted to yourself that you loved him, and your only problem was now your father. But
maybe it was finally your chance to tell him what you truly felt inside and maybe get some common sense into his stubborn head.

*

Next morning came and you woke up as the sun were shining straight towards your eyes. You turned around and noticed that Loki was still sleeping, and he was looking very, very cute. His arms were still wrapped around you and his grip was getting more tighter every time you tried to move even a little bit.

"Morning." you said softly as his eyes opened slowly and he started to smile immediately as he saw you. "Everything alright?" you added as you remembered what had happened before you two had sneaked back into the tower and your room. Loki's smile disappeared and he sat up and looked down at his arms.
"I'm okay if you are.." he replied firmly, he was still afraid that you would be disgusted.
"Of course I am Loki, it doesn't bother me, not at all!" you snarled back and tried to prove that he was perfect just the way he is.
"But-" he stuttered, but you just shook your head instead and shut his mouth. "Literally Loki, you are not a monster. You were born that way, and I know what you have gone through.
Besides I wouldn't have any rights to judge you anyway cause.." but you stopped right there, just right before you would have told him something you hadn't told anyone. You didn't want him to know, or worry, or pity you.
"..cause what?" Loki asked immediately. His voice what threatening but loving.

He looked at you awhile, waiting for your answer but you instead, were now the one who was avoiding the whole conversation.
"Y/N, love.. what is it?" he asked again, and you knew he wasn't going to give up. He needed to know, and as long as you were strong enough to keep him out of your mind, he wasn't capable to see it himself.
"It's.. nothing, really." you mumbled but it wasn't convincing at all. You didn't even know did you do it on purpose or not, maybe you subconsciously wanted him to know so you could finally get rid of those ridiculous nightmares.

"You need to tell me now, has Peter tried to do something? Did he hurt you?" Loki asked concerned but you heard a hint of anger in there too. He was still very suspicious and jealous about your ex boyfriend, and he had good reasons why.
"No, nothing like that. I'm okay, I haven't even seen him for days." you replied quickly, stopping him for going after Peter. It wouldn't end nicely.
"Then what?" he asked and frowned. You really did hate the fact that he didn't give up easily until he had got what he had wanted.
You sighed heavily while trying to gather your thoughts and words into sentences. You two had promised the truth to each other, and you needed to give him that.

"Those.. nightmares.." you started and you felt Loki's emotions and how they turned into concern and fear immediately. "They had started to bother me more than before.."

"Bother you more? How? I swear I am doing my best to heal you.." Loki replied immediately.
"I know." you replied then, you didn't want him to think that you were blaming him for this. "But those nightmares, Loki.. I'm.. I'm worried, scared.." you sighed in embarrassment. You hadn't ever actually admitted to someone that you were scared of something, ever.
"Darling there's nothing to be scared of, they're just nightmares." he said then while he was trying his best to comfort you.
"But I'm not scared of them Loki, I'm scared.. of myself." you murmured and Loki frowned in confusion again. "Those nightmares had started to do something to me Loki, at least it feels like it. Almost every night they tell me to hurt or kill someone. And it feels awfully real, just like that when we were captured by Hydra. I'm afraid that they might try to get me under they're control again." you sighed, you had finally told him about those feelings you have had. You hadn't told anyone about it because you didn't want them to think you're crazy, but you had hoped that Loki would understand better. He had gone through the same too.

It was terribly quiet for a moment while Loki tried to go through his mind and your words.

But then, he lifted his head and looked at you. He laid his hand on yours and grabbed it softly, and then lifted it up and kissed your knuckles.
"It's going to be alright." he replied shortly, which was actually very concerning. Loki tried his best to look convincing, but you saw through his eyes that he was now more worried than he let it show.
"Is it..?" you doubted.
"Yes it is, they're just nightmares. You have nothing to worry about." he replied with kind, soft smile. But even though he was the god of lies, you recognized that he wasn't telling you the whole truth. And it wasn't comforting at all.

It was worse.

But then you were interrupted as you heard a knock from your door and a call from Clint. You didn't have much time before he invited himself in and walked straight into your bedroom while you and Loki were still (luckily) in your pajamas.
"Clint!" you grumbled as he stormed in, holding his bow and fully dressed into his battle suit. But he seemed not to be surprised or didn't even mind that he had just literally found you two in bed together.
"There's a mission coming, and cap wants you both with us." he announced and ignored your angry glaring.
"Wants us on a mission? For the second time already? Wow, I'm... honored?" Loki smirked, looking amused and confused at the same time. He hadn't thought that he really would be part of the team someday.

"As you should." Clint snorted and smirked. "But get your asses up now before he's here by himself and discovers about your secret relationship." Clint added with sound of seriousness in his voice. That good best friend of yours wanted to protect you, and you loved that side in him.
"Okay okay." you huffed and jumped out of your bed as Loki started to follow Clint out of your room after he had given you a quick kiss on your forehead.

But as you were changing your outfit and placing your blades on your belt, you couldn't stop thinking about Loki's words.

'It was going to be alright'?

It was confusing, and you had literally seen him hesitating when he was telling you that. And it wasn't helping the situation. He knew, or he was suspecting something. Either way, it didn't seem good.