affliction

forty-four

Bucky's POV

It's been 33 days.

Thirty-three days.

I'm convinced I've lost my entire fucking mind. I haven't slept more than maybe 12 hours put together, I'm barely eating, I'm not even speaking to anyone barely at all. I've resorted back to the floor to try and sleep, I considered trying to go sleep in B's bed, but I can't even go into her room. Steve checks on me a few times a day, I think I'm worrying him more than anything and I feel pretty guilty about it.

I'm honestly at the point where I'm going to ask them to just freeze me until they find her. I can't take this much longer, I'm literally going fucking nuts. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I need to help find her, I'm not trusting these idiots to do it without me. I doubt they'd even do it though, seeing as I'm the one with the most knowledge on what actually happens at HYDRA.

Here's the thing, they wouldn't have taken her just to kill her. So, I know she isn't dead.

But that's the worrying part. I'm worried that they're torturing her or something. I know the things that they're capable of, so it makes me sick to think of what they'd do to her. Especially her asshole of a fucking sperm donor. The man literally beat his 7 and 12 year old children to death and then shot them so finish the job, there's no telling what he'd do to his now 21 year old daughter.

Surprisingly, I think Tony honestly might be more worried than I am, which is pretty fucking hard to beat. He just moves between this office and the computer lab, I always pass by him at the early hours of the morning when I can't sleep, so assumingely he sleeps around the same amount as I have been.

Nat is also been a bit weird, but she's prone to acting nonchalant, so she hasn't been actively looking as bad as we have.

Honestly, everyone is pretty fucked in the head after this. Even people like Bruce and Rhodey who haven't really had the chance to talk to her much. She's a fucking force to be reckoned with, though, so she pretty much leaves her mark on everyone she's around. It's hard not to miss her, and everyone has realized that.

The sad fucking thing is that we can't even ask S.H.I.E.L.D for help because they don't know about her. They would end up starting a profile about her and learning back about who she was and eventually figure out that she was the psycho assassin we apparently "never found." Props to Tony on that one honestly, they were a bit suspicious about why she just suddenly stopped killing soon after they asked us for help and he just simply told them that he looked into the men she killed, found out they got off on murder/abuse charges, and that we deciding to take it over, so the girl probably just rendered herself useless. They seemed to believe him, since of course they haven't showed up and started digging around or anything.

Still, though, I feel like we could use an extra hand on this and we're not going to get that.

I cant remember the last time I ate and I'm feeling super weak, so I decided to head downstairs to grab something. I exit my room and lug myself down the hall, press the elevator button and hop in. Once I reach the floor with the kitchen, I step out and start heading towards it. I stop in my tracks when I hear commotion from the common room on this floor and decide to head that way instead. Once I walk in, I see almost everybody, either standing or sitting, watching the news.

I clear my throat. "What's going on? Why are all of you in here?"

A few of their heads whip around. Steve starts walking towards me, "Buck.."

I hear the television say something about a brutal slaughtering happening downtown. I push by Steve and walk past everyone, standing directly in front of the TV. My head angles up since it's mounted above me on the wall.