Daydream Believer

civ. hospitals and hopelessness

civ. hospitals and hopelessness

I woke up in a hospital bed. My head was throbbing as I tried to remember everything. I looked around. There were several doctors and nurses in my room. Shonali was in the corner crying. "Wh-what's going on?" I asked one of the nurses.

"You were in a car accident," she said. "You only had a mild concussion; no lasting injuries. Your stepsister was not so lucky."

"What happened to Brooklyn?!?" I shouted. "What happened to her?"

The nurse sighed. "She has a spinal cord injury and is paralyzed from the waist down."

No. This couldn't be happening. Brooklyn was far too young to have something like this happen. It was my fault. It was all my fault. I started crying.

Shonali came over to my hospital bed. I looked up at her tear-streaked face and thought I'm the one who did this to her. This is all my fault. If I wasn't driving that day, Brooklyn would still be okay. If only I hadn't promised Brooklyn ice cream.

No matter how many times Shonali told me that it was wasn't my fault: that the truck driver was drunk and ran a red light, that I didn't do anything wrong, I knew in my heart that it wasn't true.

"It's okay McKenna," Shonali said, even though nothing was okay. "There's nothing you could have done."

"Can I see her?" I asked.

"Brooklyn? Not yet."

I collapsed onto the bed again, still crying. Shonali trusted me with Brooklyn, and I had failed her in the worst way possible. Now Brooklyn would never be able to play outside with her friends, or join the bowling team, or do anything fun, because it would be a struggle just to get around. I had done that to her. Why couldn't it have been me? Even if Brooklyn was annoying sometimes, I deserved it more than she did. I had gotten sixteen years of fun, and she had only gotten seven. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair.

The doctor told me that I would be free to go later that day. If only that was the case for Brooklyn too. I still couldn't see her, even though I really wanted to. I had to make sure she was okay. But Brooklyn wasn't okay. I knew she wasn't. So why was I even trying?

Life shouldn't have to be this hard.