Daydream Believer

cv. back at school and explaining everything

cv. back at school and explaining everything

I was expecting to be able to drive myself to school once I got my license, but I still found myself taking the bus. First of all, Shonali’s car was totaled. We only had one car, and Dad and Shonali needed the car to carpool to work. Second, I was terrified to drive again. What if I totaled Dad’s car too? It was already difficult to get around with only one car. What if I did this to Noah? What if I took Brooklyn again and she died this time? Then what would I do? The doctors always said Brooklyn and I were lucky. That car crash should have killed both of us instantly.

 

I felt safer on the bus. Someone else was in control of the vehicle, not an accident waiting to happen like me. I had missed three days of school, but it felt like three weeks. Why does it feel like the one day you take off is the one day when everything happens? I was mostly caught up, but I didn’t quite understand what we were learning in math. I would have to ask Justin about that one.

 

“Hey McKenna,” Aaron said. “Sorry about your step-sister.”

 

Why couldn’t people talk about a happier topic? Then again, it was all I could think about too. “Don’t apologize when you didn’t do anything,” I told Aaron.

 

“I hope she gets better,” Aaron said.

 

“She won’t,” I said. “The doctors said she’ll never walk again.”

 

“What if the doctors are wrong?” Aaron said.

 

“They’re right about this,” I said. I sighed. “Aaron, usually I appreciate your positive attitude, but now is not the time for it.”

 

“Then what am I supposed to say?” Aaron asked.

 

“Nothing,” I said.

 

“That’s kind of difficult,” Aaron said.

 

I shrugged and took out a book. I really just needed to escape this horrible life of mine. People were too fragile in real life. At least in books, every wound could heal. I wish that was the case for Brooklyn.

 

The bus pulled up in front of the school. For once, I was glad to be rid of Aaron. Aaron was a good friend, but sometimes he just didn’t get it. He was the worst when it came to tragedy.

 

Tragedy. Usually I hated that word. It makes people want to pity you, and pity was the last thing I wanted. But that was what it was to everyone else, really. A tragedy. My entire life was a tragedy. Maybe life in general was a tragedy, and I was simply a minor actress in all of it. Yes, that’s what it was.

 

Justin interrupted my train of thought. “Hey McKenna,” he said. “How’s your step-sister doing?”

 

“Awful, considering that she’s paralyzed. How are you?”

 

“Hey, that was kind of mean,” Justin said.

 

“I’m not in the mood for conversation,” I said. “Did you understand the math homework?”

 

“Yeah. It was pretty easy. I can give you my notes if you want.”

 

“I can never read your notes,” I said.

 

“I’ll explain it to you during lunch then,” he said.

 

“Great,” I said. We headed our separate ways and I told myself I could make it through the day. I could do this. I could do this. I could do this.

 

Really, I couldn’t. Not with everything else happening around me. If only this was just a normal day. If only Brooklyn wasn’t still in the hospital. If only I hadn’t been so stupid.

This is why I want to disappear.

A/N: Hello nonexistent readers! Thank you so much if you're still reading this. It means a lot to me. Anyways, I posted a new story called Chronicles of an American Beauty and an American Psycho, so go check that out. I think Brendon is my favorite narrator now...

Also, since I'm on spring break and I have a lot of free time now, I'll probably be updating this 2-3 times per day. It might be finished by next week. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Anyways, thanks again! :)