Daydream Believer

cvii. doritos and apologies

cvii. doritos and apologies

Aaron, Justin, and I were doing the vending machine thing again. This time we had three bags of Doritos, a bag of Cheetos, two bags of popcorn, a bag of gummy worms, two bottles of water, a can of Sprite, a bag of trail mix, a bag of potato chips, and a Snickers bar.

 

“I can’t believe the school year’s almost over,” Justin said.

 

“It’s not that close to being done,” Aaron said. “We still have finals.”

 

“That’s true,” Justin said. “Have you been studying?”

 

“Not really,” Aaron said. “What about you McKenna.”

 

I had sort of spaced out during that conversation. “What?” I asked.

 

“Have you been studying for finals?”

 

“No,” I said. In reality, I had been too busy to study. Brooklyn was home, but she always needed help with everything. I also needed to help Dad make the entire house wheelchair accessible, which was just as difficult as it sounded. There was no way I could focus on my schoolwork with all of that going on. My grades hadn’t really changed, but I still couldn’t focus in school and I wasn’t as engaged in my schoolwork as I had once been.

 

“Good,” Aaron said. “See Justin? Nobody’s studying for finals yet.”

 

Justin shrugged. “It would be a good idea.”

 

“It’s just a waste of time,” Aaron said.

 

I spaced out again. That was the other thing that had been happening. I couldn’t focus on anything. My mind always drifted back to the day of the accident. It was truly awful what I had done to Brooklyn, and now I had to live with it.

 

Home was no better though. I couldn’t sleep without being haunted by Brooklyn’s screams. It was my fault. I did this to her.

 

Aaron’s voice came back into focus. “How are you McKenna?”

 

“Alive,” I said.

 

“I totally couldn’t tell,” Aaron said sarcastically.

 

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ve been such a jerk lately.” I took a handful of trail mix and Justin put in his earbuds.

 

“It’s okay. I mean, with your sister and everything…”

 

“You don’t need to remind me,” I snapped.

 

“Sorry,” Aaron said. “Is she doing okay?”

 

“A little better,” I said. “But not much.”

 

“At least she’s a little better,” Aaron said.

 

“Well, that’s good,” Justin said, taking out one earbud so he could talk and listen to music simultaneously. It wasn’t rude or anything. Aaron and I were used to it. “We’re always here for you McKenna, but you know that.”

 

“I do know that,” I said.

 

Justin grinned and ate some popcorn. I grabbed a Dorito. This was one of the few things I liked about my friend group. We came up with the best solutions even for the worst problems, like the school lunches. They could never solve the mess at home though.

 

I needed an escape, and this was a good enough one for now.