Daydream Believer

cxii. talking to shonali and finally understanding

cxii. talking to shonali and finally understanding

 

It had been a year since the accident. Brooklyn seemed to be doing well, even if she couldn’t do everything that everyone else could. I still felt horrible about it though. I was in my room when Shonali knocked on the door. I knew it was her, and I opened it.

 

“Hey McKenna,” Shonali said. “Can I talk to you?”

 

“Sure,” I said.    

 

“I’m really proud of you,” Shonali said. “We’ve all been through a lot, and you’ve helped us so much.”

 

“Thanks,” I said, smiling. I was glad Shonali appreciated my efforts.

 

“You just need to stop blaming yourself,” Shonali said. “None of this is your fault.”

 

“I can’t help but think that it is,” I said. “I was the one driving.”

 

“The truck driver ran a red light,” Shonali said. “You did nothing wrong. There’s no use in dwelling on the past.”

 

I sighed. Shonali really was right. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault. I just needed to keep telling myself that. “I guess so,” I said.

 

“What I’m saying is that you don’t need to work so hard. You’re a teenager. Go have some fun.”

 

“This makes me feel better though,” I said. I wanted nothing more than to help Brooklyn. It would take the burden off of Dad and Shonali’s shoulders.

 

“I’m sure it does,” Shonali said.

 

I thought about what she said. This was what I enjoyed. Helping Brooklyn and my family was rewarding for me. I didn’t have a lot of friends anyways. Maybe I would back off a little though. Just a little. “I feel like you guys need me,” I said.

 

“I didn’t tell you to stop. I just said that you should think of yourself sometimes too.”

 

“Just sometimes,” I agreed, even though I didn’t really believe it. I was feeling a bit conflicted, but I should have expected that.

 

“Are you going to prom?” Shonali asked me.

 

“No,” I said. This seemed obvious to me.

 

“It sounds like fun though,” Shonali said.

 

I shook my head. Prom sounded like torture to me. There were too many people. I couldn’t dance. It was social embarrassment waiting to happen. It wouldn’t be fun at all. Shonali didn’t understand.

 

“You should think about it,” Shonali said.

 

I waited a second before I answered, but I had already made up my mind. I had made up my mind a long time ago, and I wasn’t going to change it. “I thought about it,” I said. “Besides, I wouldn’t have anyone to go with.”

 

“You never know,” Shonali said.

I didn’t believe her. Nobody would ever want to go to prom with me. I rolled my eyes and reached for my phone. I put in my earbuds and started listening to some folksy band that Justin had recommended. They were pretty good. Hopefully Shonali would get the message. All I wanted was to be left alone. It wasn’t that hard, was it?