The Queen & I (GxG)

Chapter 33: Afterglow

A/N:

The Queen & I soundtrack coming to Spotify & YouTube soon! 😂

💋

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There's a nice feeling a fresh light blow of wind creates whenever it breezes through my face and skin. It gives me that moment to reflect and remember all the good and simple things that I have. I may not get what I wished for in my heart, but like in every journey, you get to learn something from those experiences and it urges you to carry on and start a new chapter — because if the destination is truly meant for you, life will find a way to put you on that path.

Like right now, I may not have won Miss Universe nor be with the reigning Miss Universe, but the sense of peace and serenity that a simple backyard setup with lush green grass, a plastic lounger and an ice-cold glass of lemonade can bring is making me feel better already.

I think I am ready to face what's ahead.

It's been more than a week since the finals and I'm still trying to recover from a complexity of emotions brought about by the intense preparation, pressure, disappointments, sadness, excitement and thrill that happened because of the pageant.

The day I left the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel was probably one of my lowest points, as I've realized that I had to let go of a dream that wasn't intended to be mine.

I'm a person who find it hard to swallow defeat, because I do my best in everything, and failing to bring back home the title of Miss Universe felt so crushing. Alam ko kasi na hindi ko lang pangarap yung title e, but millions of Filipinos also wanted me to bring home the crown or at least makarampa ng evening gown — and I've failed them. I thought I didn't do well enough. I've let several distractions consume my focus and I feel like it's my fault na hindi man lang ako nakalampas ng top 21.

On top of the disappointment, there's sadness in leaving my Miss Universe sisters and I know some of them hindi ko na makikita uli due to proximity and hindi naman lahat ka-close ko, like if there's a reunion, impossible that everyone will be able to attend.

Then, there's my complicated relationship with Amanda. To be honest, I still don't know where we stand at this point, because I also feel like I cannot commit to something that I'm not sure will work out for now, but being away from her makes me lonely - I've gotten so used to her being around and she incredibly built a bubble that feels so comfortable, that I neglected the fact that our setting was only temporary.

It was really a good thing that mama J encouraged me to go on a trip alone to visit a friend and clear my head from a lot of mess.

I closed my eyes and just appreciated the feeling that even if I may not get everything, at least I'm still blessed. I felt like peeing, but my bladder can wait. I'll relish the sun's warmth against my body for a few seconds.

"Langga"

Hold on, bakit parang dumuduyan yung lounger.

"Langga..."

Parang lumalakas yung tulak.

Ma, lumilindol ba?

"Hoy, langga!" I heard someone yell.

I was drifting.