w.y-l.t.f.i-l.w.m | obx cast fan fic (au)

l.w.m - chapter ten: and so it begins

venice.

the more time we spent in new york, the more i could tell drew was falling deeper and deeper for me. and even though i had feelings for him, i knew i could never return his feelings for me at the same level his were. every interview i put on a brave face.

i tried to convince myself that maybe i could love him the way i love-...on good night new york, while we were waiting to be called on in the green room, i was sitting on the couch. my foot bouncing. i was nervous because it was my first live talk show.

drew saw this and reached out for my hand. and instead of calming down, being grateful someone was finally paying attention to me and my needs, i was worried rudy would see. i wished it was his hand holding mine. god you are so ungrateful, i thought.

here is a good man, ready to show up, ready to care, has done nothing but care, has treated you right, and wants to be with you. and you don't want that? you deserve the heart break you are going to get, i thought as we waited. he probably noticed i was out of it.

"no need to be nervous. you'll be fine. we all will be out there. the host will be leading the conversation. and you're charisma and charm will do the rest, okay?" he said warmly. he kissed my hand. i almost yanked it away when i saw rudy turn and see us, but i refrained.

but what hurt the most is when i saw indifference across rudy's face. here i am, giving myself an ulcer trying not to rub this in your face...and you don't even give a fuck? i maintained eye contact with him for what seemed like days and days. when i snapped out of it, i realized my heart rate slowed and my foot stopped anxiously tapping.

he gave me a small smile as if he noticed too, and turn back to the conversation elan was having about the paintings she likes to do. luckily for me, she won't be out there with us. which is good because i haven't been able to hide my hatred for me since she literally shaded me about my dead parents.

but this whole thing reminded me that rudy and i didn't update the world that we weren't together anymore. of course there had been the articles speculating it, the twitter stan accounts joking and questioning it too, but to the rest of the world, we were still a strong couple.

and then that made me nervous again. what if drew wants to go public? they would just shame me for it. call me every goddamn name in the book. and then if he asks me why won't i want to go public, he'll think its because i am still in love with rudy. which was true, but still.

he loves and cares for me so much, that would just break his heart. and i know how that feels. he probably feels towards rudy as i do towards elan. and when i consider rudy and elan's history, could i really blame her for not being able to move on? i can blame her for her racist and her hits and shade towards me, most definitely. but if i can't move on from rudy how could i expect her to?

the thoughts running in my head as i waited made me anxious again. so before my mind could even stop me, i was getting up and walking towards rudy.

"can we talk? alone?" i asked, trying not to shake as i grabbed his arm and pulled him into a private corner if the hallway.

"what's up?" he said nonchalantly. as if we didn't have a lifetimes worth of drama occurring between us.

"what do we say if they ask us about our relationship? to the world, according to social media, we are still in one. so do we lie? or do we tell the truth?" i blurted out. he thought about it for a moment, leaving my words hanging in the air. they were crushing the air in my lungs.

"i think it's best for us to just lie and say we're together. that way no tension or infighting can be speculated." he finally answered.

"okay so should we go out there and act like a couple?" i blurted again, as i shifted from foot to foot and folded my arms tightly across my chest.