w.y-l.t.f.i-l.w.m | obx cast fan fic (au)

l.w.m: epilouge - the new years special

TW: attempts of self-harm, dark thoughts, toxic relationships, slut-shaming, small mention of domestic abuse, allusions to suicide, angst, mentions of death. these are very mature topics. if you are underage, this is not for you. please self-care before and after reading this chapter. if you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts or is suffering from domestic violence, please reach out to local resources immediately. do not wait. although i'm am not a local resource and cannot help in emergency life threatening events, my dms are always open for advice and to listen and to help you access information. read at your own risk. YOU are responsible for your reading consumption.

venice.

every year, we make promises to ourselves and sometimes others in hopes it will set the tone for the new year. gym memberships, new diets, less screen time, more family time. i'd like to believe people are genuinely serious in their pursuits. but every year at the end of the year we look back and find we are exactly where we were this time last year. and then we make a promise to do better next year. when there has been several next years. and cycle continues. no one gets better.

sure. there are the few who stick to their resolutions and come out better for it. those are the people we admire from afar. we make excuses like, "it's easier for them, " or "if my life was perfect i'd be able to do that too" even though time and time again it is proven to us that nothing is what is seems and nothing is perfect. it's probably easier to deal with your shortcomings when you blame it on something. but that's besides the point.

what some don't think about is: what if someone did stick to their resolutions and they didn't come out better? what if they came out worse? what if they went in to the year with the purest intensions and came out of the year worse off then before?

for example, what if you had a toxic relationship with someone and with the help of your best friend you got out? and you vowed to never put yourself in a toxic situation like that again. and you promised yourself to always stand by and do whatever you can for that friend because they were so helpful and sweet to you in this awful time. seems like a good promise right? at first glance, nothing about that seems like it could end badly. but once again, life proves nothing is as it seems.

as you escaped into your best friends arms, they fell in love with you. you, being vulnerable, mistake you need for companionship and your attraction to them for romantic feelings. and you let things go farther then they should. and since your toxic ex is in the same friend group, you interact when you really shouldn't. and old feelings get tossed in the life blender with new ones and then everything changes. life gives you an ultimatum. lose your best friend and be with a not-so-toxic ex or stay with your best friend and not abandon him and move on.

seems like a black and white answer, right? i know what most would say: choose the best friend. if the feelings aren't there now, they'll come. better than toxicity. plus, you promised you'd do anything for him. he needs you in his life and you need him.

if only it were that simple. not being able to walk away from a toxic relationship is one of the reasons it's called toxic. and yes, people change. but the connection you form with someone will always and forever be the same. so that's why when rudy and i started arguing again, it wasn't hard to conclude why.

our arguments were bigger then they ever were before. we'd go from laughing and smiling and cracking jokes over breakfast to screaming and yelling and throwing utensils at each, having the group break us up, and then go to interview on the press tour and be the most picture-perfect couple. it took a toll on the entire house. we'd argue and then cry about how much we love each other and can't be separated again. it was a-lot.

so to cheer everybody up, we decided to make an event out of the new year's eve time square ball drop. we weren't going to be there, but our hotel penthouse had the perfect view. only problem was, it was the coldest winter on record for new york city. negative 20 degrees fahrenheit, with 17 mph winds.