w.y-l.t.f.i-l.w.m | obx cast fan fic (au)

w.y - chapter six: regret in six acts

"i'm sorry what?" i asked in complete shock. his light golden skin turned a shade of red.

"you know what, this was a bad idea. please ignore everything i just said. i'm sorry." rudy said. before i could stop him, he was already shutting the door behind him. what? did he just admit to feeling everything you've been feeling? did he just call it a mistake? i was so shocked, it took me a couple minutes to collect myself.

rudy was everything i've ever wanted in a guy. he's funny, sweet, deep, understanding, talented, comforting, and he was gorgeous. he had blonde hair that framed his angular features perfectly, mediterranean blue/green eyes, amazing skin with a glow, and pearly white teeth. his voice was deep, but not too deep. and he was so gosh darn charismatic. always cracking jokes.

i never thought that that was my perfect guy. my past boyfriends indicated i liked the brooding-abusive-bad boys with dark hair and even darker humor. the boys that would play me like a banjo and i'd still run back to them. the boys that would convince me it was my fault they cheated. that i drove them to hit me.

rudy seemed like the exact opposite. he was so gentle and caring when he needed to be, but could party and have fun with the best of them. not toxic. i needed that. and now he thinks kissing you and everything he's been feeling is a mistake. i almost had the guts to go to his room and beg him to reconsider. it was like i had him, and that same moment he slipped away. i didn't realize i was crying until the tears started to splash on my wrist.

once i noticed, i couldn't stop. i had to hold my hand over my mouth to hold in my sobs. if i was too loud, someone would come check on me and rudy would know i was distraught after his visit. i couldn't have that. i still have some pride. i decided to have a self-care night and go to sleep early. i did have to kiss rudy on screen tomorrow. and i have to be in my right state of mind.

keep it professional, keep it classy, i thought as i sat in the tub. i was taking a bubble bath as i played old songs from my childhood. right now, i was playing 'ride wit me'.

"aye, must be the money!" i said in unison with the track. you're a black women in a white man dominated job. the last thing you want to do is be deemed unprofessional. unable to keep work and social life separate. you just got caught up in your scenes. this would all go away soon. you do not like him. i keep repeating that in my head over and over. and think by the time i feel asleep, i sorta started to believe it.

call time was eight o'clock. i was currently have my makeup and hair done. my character, santaclara ("s" or "clara" for short), had just moved the figure eight. she quickly became bored with doing figure eight stuff and ventured to the other side of the island. this is where she runs into what's left of the pogues (kie, jj, and pope). they automatically write her off when they find out she is from figure eight, but she earns their trust when she becomes a spy and an advocate for them.

throughout this all, her and jj develop a connection. they think the same, they're ambitious, and they were both abused as kids. but while jj's was a physical abuse, santaclara's was a sexual abuse. either way, they relate to and understand each other. santaclara's style was that of a vsco girl (sadly), with a little y2k.

today she was wearing a cowrie shell choker with layered necklaces with seashells and tiny bottles of sand. she was wearing a black and white plaid vivian top with a cropped tank top under it. she was wearing oversized mom jeans and a black belt. she also had a septum and nose piercing, but since i didn't, they put fake ones on. she had on a belly chain. her hair was in long marley twists which she had in a high ponytail today. they put in hair jewelry that had a ocean theme.

i was in love with her outfit style, at least the y2k side of it. i walked out of my dressing room, and walked over to craft services. they have all types of snacks and food, so i grabbed some fruit in a bowl and called it a day. after thirty minutes in my dressing room going over the lines, they said they were ready for me.

my stomach was in knots. i haven't seen rudy since last night. professional. venice scarlett is a professional. i just wanted to get the scene over with. you can do this. all of the shit you've overcome? a kiss scene is a piece of cake.

"action!" yelled the director. i pulled myself into santaclara.

"s, wait!" jj called after clara.

"tell me you don't have feelings for her. tell me you don't like kierra and weren't just playing me until she finally had feelings for you." clara said as she painfully looked at jj. jj looked down with guilt.

"god, i'm stupid. thinking that someone would actually like me for me. that someone would care. was everything fake?" s said.

"no! just let me explain...i do have feelings for kie." jj said. tears started to flow down clara's eyes.

"but not as much as i have for you. when i first saw you, i had no words. you're beautiful, and you get me. you get me in a way only you can. and i've always had feelings for kie. but i knew they could never go anywhere. but with you...clara i look into my future and i see you. not her. i think of when i'm happiest, and all of those moments are with you." jj said, pulling clara closer.

"i've never felt this way about anyone but you. damn it clara, you've got me pouring my heart out to you. you've got me tearing up. i-i....i love you." he said that with so much passion. does he mean it? god, of course not. jj said that, not rudy. they both leaned in. here it goes. they inched closer until this kissed passionately. i feel everything. i hear his heartbeat, i feel them syncing. his lips taste like strawberries and lemonade. i feel the butterflies within myself. no feelings have gone away. i feel like i'm floating.

jj picked clara up and spun her around while they continued to kiss. when they stopped, they look in each others eyes. clara touched his face and said, "i love you, too." my face was serious. i was no longer santaclara. but i don't think rudy knew that. i had to say it to his face as me, venice. even he didn't know.

"cut!" the director said. he looked happy with the scene. rudy looked in my eyes for a few seconds longer before he set me down.

"you guys absolutely nailed that. i don't think we need a second take, i really like that one. that is some real chemistry, guys. couldn't of asked for better. and the end? venice, you have great delivery. great job guys, keep up the good work." the director said.

"good job." i said, as professionally as possible.

"thanks, you too. can we talk?" he asked. he looked nervous. it was absolutely a cute look for him.

"about what?" i asked, still playing it cool.

"last night, i feel like i left things weird." he said.

"no, i get it. i understood everything. friends, right?" i said. say no. please, please, please fight for this.

"okay, friends."