Unfunny Tfp Oneshots/Bloopers

Optimus has Tea

Optimus observed as Ratchet groaned while Miko shot into the base with new highlights and an extra- ripped T-shirt.
"YAAAAHOOOOOOO!!"
She was screaming for unknown reasons which evidently infuriated the Medic. Optimus didn't mind though, he felt extremely calm actually. It registered in his mind that it was probably the pain killers he had taken, he had gotten quite badly hurt in his last battle and had been in quite a lot of pain since. The Autobots had only recently found out that human pain killers worked for themselves, albeit having to use about ten times as many.
Despite the pain relief the painkillers gave him they weren't improving his injury.
In Ratchets mind he probably shouldn't even be stood up!

A familiar phone call music began to blast around the main room and a similarly familiar voice followed it.
"PRIME! I NEED YOUR TEAM!"
Yep, Fowler.

Optimus sighed and took his place by the groundbridge,
"Autobots! Roll o-"
"NOPE NOPE, NOT HAPPENING!"
Ratchet interrupted the Prime loudly.
"YOU," He jabbed a digit at Optimus, "ARE FAR TOO INJURED TO GO AND FIGHT MEGATRON."
He squinted at the Prime angrily.
"And anyway, I am not staying alone with them!"
He gestured to the hyper kids that had just arrived and were now prancing about on the Groundbridge controls.
Optimus sighed and walked over to the controls, turning the bridge on and turning to wait.
"It seems you must go without me then."

The others nodded and filed out, weapons at the ready. Soon enough it was only Optimus and Ratchet left in the base.
Ratchet raised an optic ridge at the Prime questioningly as he didn't turn the bridge off.
"Well, close it then!" The Medic exclaimed, annoyed.
"I'm waiting for you to go through."
Ratchet paused, shocked.
"Well... Okay!"
Ratchet moved to go through the bridge, stopping once to glance back at the Prime who just nodded.
"Be careful Old Friend."

Optimus watched the Medic leave with a calm expression on his face. He knew that Ratchet had been itching to get out and see some action ever since the kids had arrived. Although the older mech would never admit it he was jealous of the kids and what they got to see and experience, especially Miko who seemed to get in fights every other day.
Speaking of Miko, the base had gone awfully quiet. Optimus paused and listened, if they had ran out again he was going to go insane.

He turned to look for them to see that they actually hadn't moved. Confusion spread across his face until he realised that the Kids were looking at him in complete and utter awe. He couldn't understand why until he realised that this was the closest he'd been to them in a long time, if ever. As far as Optimus knew, they'd never even touched him!

"Uh-" Raf tried to say something to break the silence. He failed as no topics for discussion arose in his mind.
"Well..." Jack said, also trying and failing to start a conversation.
"Dude! Have you always had a wonky nose?"

Of course. Give it up for Miko, the most uncensored person to ever walk the planet.

"MIKO!? YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!" Jack exclaimed in horror, clamping his hand around the girls mouth.
Optimus stared in shocked silence, actually offended despite the peice of metal she pointed out not a nose.
"mhhhmmhmhmh" Miko said.
"SHUT UP MIKO!" Jack yelled again.
Optimus looked at Raf to see the boy staring back up at him intently.
He stared back for a while to block out the rapidly increasing in volume argument Jack and Miko were having.

"YOU CAN'T JUST RANDOMLY SAY *OH YOU HAVE A WONKY NOSE* TO PEOPLE!"
"YOU'LL FIND I CAN, 'CUZ I JUST DID!"
"WHY ARE YOU SO DISRESPECTFUL?"
"IT'S TRUE THOUGH!"

Optimus cleared his throat and both of them snapped their gazes to him, freezing in a position that looked like they were throttling each other.
"We don't have noses..."

The next blanket of silence that fell lasted about two minutes, all three of the kids replacing the shock and anger on their faces to confusion.
Optimus tried not to sigh, this is what Ratchet had to deal with every day? No wonder the mech was so angry all the time.

"What's the peice of metal on your face then? It looks weird"
Jack slapped his hand over Mikos' mouth again.
"MIKO!"
"It is alright Jack, she was asking a question."
Jack opened his mouth and then shut it, not wanting to oppose someone he respects so greatly.
Miko shoved his hand away,
"What is it then?"

Optimus tried not to grin or blush in embarrassment at the story he was going to have to tell.
"It's a spot of bad welding, done by your friend Wheeljack."
Miko burst out in a fit of laughter, falling into the floor.
Raf looked even more confused,
"Huh?"
Optimus smiled gently, it was a long time ago that it happened and he knew that they wanted a story.
He quickly turned on his holoform and sat down, Raf understanding the que and sitting too. Miko was still too busy rolling on the floor.

"It was a very long time ago, when I was twelve and Wheeljack was eight. Ratchet was seventeen and by that time had already become a first aider. Wheeljack was impressed by the skills of Ratchet and how easily he fixed cuts with welding. Due to this, he wanted to replicate it. I had fallen into a shelf at the Hall of Records and cut a nasty gash into my face. Wheeljack was the only person there and declared that he wanted to fix me. I was not very smart back then so I agreed. Of course, an eight year old doesn't have very good welding skills, so it ended up looking very bad. As Wheeljack got older, maybe twelve now he fixed it up as well as he could but the damage was done. Don't mention it to him, he'll be extremely embarrassed. It was good welding for an eight year old child. Just not good welding in general. He can weld better than Ratchet now, except I wouldn't go to him for first aid because he might try and give you an extra limb."

Optimus paused to look at Raf, who was listening with a huge grin on his face. Miko and Jack were sat listening too, also grinning ear to ear.
"What else? Tell us more blackmail pleaseeee" Miko begged.
Optimus hid a smirk, he really shouldn't be doing this.
"Alright then."
Miko cheered.

"When Wheeljack was a child he was one of the smart kids. In human terms he would have gone up around four grades, and he still got full marks on most tests. He almost got moved to University when he was 12."
Miko exploded in more laughter while Jack and Raf looked impressed.
"Why did he change? He's kinds dumb now..."
"He acts different now because people were mean about it. He would also be a target if he showed his true skills. Did you know that he is the one that performs Groundbridge maintainence? It isn't a coincidence that since he arrived the groundbridge has been working extremely well. Not to mention that he was the one that made the Groundbridge itself."
Miko has stopped laughing now and was too staring.

"Woah." She said.
The other two simply nodded.
Optimus smiled gently,
"Yes, your friend is smarter than you think."
Miko carried on staring for a while until she grinned again.
"What about Ratchet? Tell us something embarrassing about him!"
Optimus tried to resist the urge to. It failed.

"Ratchet sings Disney songs when nobody is around."

All three kids began laughing.

"He creates dance routines to those Disney songs."

They laughed harder.

"He then performs those dance routines while singing the songs."

At this point Miko was red in the face.

"And then sings love songs from Disney to a Wrench because he's too embarrassed to do it with anyone."

He should probably stop now, Raf and Miko were struggling to breathe.
An alert appeared on the computer saying that the bots needed a bridge back.
Optimus got up and the kids complained, he turned and smiled.
"Don't worry, the Decpeticons attack a lot, it won't be long until I'll have time to speak with you again."

He opened the Groundbridge and stepped aside as the team rolled through. He got a few questioning glance as the bots saw the state Miko and Raf were in. Optimus smiled as Ratchet lumbered over to him.
"See how annoying they are!"
Optimus tried not to smile and nodded.
"Yes, I have no idea how you do it!"

Does the start of this oneshot sound familiar? Told you I'd carry it on, even two years later-
Yeah I couldn't be asked to update the old chapter so I just made a new one.