Unfunny Tfp Oneshots/Bloopers

Incorrect Quotes

Yes I've been gone since the start of September I swear I'm busy as hell.
(GCSE mocks and stuff coming up aswell so be prepared for me to die temporarily)

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Shockwave: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Breakdown: ...I did. I broke it.
Shockwave: No. No you didn't. Lord Megatron?
Megatron: Don't look at me. Look at Airachnid.
Airachnid: What?! I didn't break it.
Megatron: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Airachnid: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Megatron: Suspicious.
Airachnid: No, it's not!
Knockout: If it matters, probably not, but Starscream was the last one to use it.
Starscream: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Knockout: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Starscream: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Knockout!
Breakdown : Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Shockwave.
Shockwave: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Knockout: Shockwave... Soundwave been awfully quiet.
Soundwave: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Shockwave, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Shockwave: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Shockwave:
Shockwave: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Wheeljack: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Ratchet : If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents
Wheeljack: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
Optimus: Actually I did the math, Ratchet would have $225, not $0.15.
Ratchet : Fam I’m right here....
Bumblebee: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Wheeljack: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Bumblebee: Sorry I only have a dollar
Wheeljack: :(
Optimus: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Ratchet would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
Bumblebee: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
Arcee: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
Optimus: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice
Jack: Apply juice to what
Smokescreen: Directly to the forehead
Ratchet : Great chat everyone

Shockwave: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Knockout: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Starscream: Socks are Feetie Heaties
Knockout: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Starscream: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Knockout: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Starscream: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Megatron, annoyed: You are disappointments

*The squad right before Jack's wedding*
Arcee: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Bumblebee: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
Bulkhead: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well
Smokescreen: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Optimus, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

Ratchet: Are we really going to let Bulkhead keep Wheeljack?
Optimus: We kept Miko.

Jack: Please bring back PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste
Raf: We got spring water
Jack: NO.
Miko: with EXTRA minerals
Raf: it's like licking a stalagmite
Jack: DON'T COME BACK.
Miko: Mmmmm cave water

Ultra Magnus: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Wheeljack: That's why I carry two swords.

Wheeljack : You saved me. I owe you my life.
Miko: No thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.

Bulkhead, driving Raf, Jack, and Miko: So how was your day?
Raf: We almost got surprise adopted!
Bulkhead: What?
Jack: We almost got kidnapped.
Bulkhead: Oh, okay.
Bulkhead: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Soundwave: I think Shockwave was right.
Starscream: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'
Knockout: They wouldn't do that.
Shockwave: You're right, Knockout. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.
Shockwave: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Shockwave Told You So' on the back*

*Wheeljack is cooking*
Bulkhead: Any chance that’s for me?
Wheeljack: It’s for Arcee. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side.
Miko: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

*Knockout helping Soundwave out after they get injured, while the others are watching*
Starscream: How does Soundwave look?
Shockwave: A little better than you, actually.

Orion: Favorite horror movie?
Ratchet: It
Megatronus: Saw
Soundwave: Annabelle
Ultra Magnus: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics.

Orion: Bye Ratchet! Bye Megatronus! Bye Soundwave! Bye Ultra Magnus! Bye Ratchet!
Megatronus: You said ‘bye Ratchet’ twice.
Orion: I like Ratchet.

Optimus: Good morning.
Bulkhead: Good morning.
Arcee: Good morning.
Raf: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
Wheeljack: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

Shockwave: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

Wheeljack: You think I really give a fuck? I can’t even read.

Starscream: My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like.

Knockout: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them.

Megatron: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

Ratchet: Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

Agent Fowler: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.

Random notes that will make the relationships make sense:

Chaos Cons: Shockwave+Soundwave+Knockout+Starscream

Terrific Trio:
Jack+Miko+Raf

Terrifying Trio:
Bulkhead+Wheeljack+Miko

Wtf duo:
Arcee+Wheeljack

Brotherly love:
Smokescreen+Wheeljack
Starscream+Knockout

I hate everything:
Ultra Magnus+Ratchet+Agent Fowler