Unfunny Tfp Oneshots/Bloopers

Optimus×Ratchet

Request by lunawol6

"Prime!" Agent Fowler yelled as he walked towards the railing in front of him,
"We got 'cons, they are attacking the government files!"

Without any hesitation, the leader of the Autobots walked to Ratchet and ordered him to make a ground bridge immediately. The government files held information about their whereabouts and many more things that would doom humanity forever.

"What is happening?" Bulkhead asked as he walked into the room loudly, "do we get to beat some cons?"
"The government files are located in England, Optimus." Ratchet said, ignoring the fact that Bulkhead had asked a question.
At that moment the other bots walked in all in one clump having just finished the chores they had been given to distract them.
"Team, we are going to England and stopping the Decepticons from finding the Government Files." Optimus announced as the groundbridge opened.
"Yeah let's kick some aft!" Bumblebee buzzed happily before transforming and shooting off in his vehicle mode.
"Well... Bumblebee is acting weird..." Arcee commented before following suit and transforming into a motorcycle.

The others all then did the same except Ratchet who was turning back to the computer he was stood at, not expecting the monotone voice that belonged to Optimus to sound,
"I believe we may need a medic to help us on the field Ratchet, we cannot stand down because one of us is injured." He said or maybe ordered.
"Well, ok but who will man the ground bridge?" Ratchet agreed with caution before asking.
"Agent Fowler, will you?" Optimus asked in a hurried tone that only Ratchet would detect.
"I- uh but- ugh, fine!" Fowler protested before giving in and walking towards the ground bridge controls as the two older mechs transformed and drove through the groundbridge. 
"This is going to be a loong day..."

Ratchet emerged from the ground bridge to narrowly miss being shot by Starscream, who was using the rockets he had attached to his arm.
He had not left the base in weeks now and it felt strange to be back in open air, even if they were in the middle of a battle.
Optimus pulled Ratchet aside as an electrocuted Smokescreen was thrown to where he was before and glared at Knockout, who suddenly wasn't smirking anymore.
The leader ran into combat with Knockout to avoid Smokescreen being electrocuted anymore while Ratchet bent down and did his best to fix his wounds without being electrocuted himself by the wounded bot.
He could hear crashes and bangs all around him as he worked and felt the urge to yell Shut up, but that would surely put him and the team in more danger.

But then as he straightened up and Smokescreen sprinted back to Knockout who was now sat on the floor after being kicked over, Ratchet felt a cold servo clamp over his mouth plate and pull him up.
"Ahh, the Autobot medic." A cold chilling voice said that was all too familiar.
With fear Ratchet tried to call for Optimus but no sound erupted other that a muffled yell that only he would hear.
Megatron chuckled evilly as he dragged Ratchet backwards towards the woods that ran along the back of the building the files were in, making sure they were purposely in view of the Autobots much to the confusion of Ratchet.

Suddenly, he realised the plan of this evil warlord, he was being made bait for other Autobots. His optics widened and he started thrashing wildly with no success, the medic was
truly stuck in the grasp of Megatron.
Just as Ratchet was about to give up hope he heard Optimus shout his name, and looked up the best he could to see the leader running towards them with both his swords stained with energon.
Ratchet shook his head as wildly as possible to indicate Optimus should run but it was too late, a random groundbridge opened behind them as both leaders swords clashed.

Megatron now had an advantage and a disadvantage, one step back and he would have the medic, but if he wanted Optimus too he would need to fight one handed.
So Ratchet suddenly became a living shield.
Optimus paused once he realised that there was no chance that he would be able to injustice the warlord without injuring Ratchet. Then Megatron laughed and grabbed Optimus too, who had tried to block the movement but failed.
Then with a step backwards, the three of them were on the Decepticon ship.

Optimus felt himself being thrown aside, powerless in the few seconds it had taken for the kidnappings to happen.
Looking up he could see the vehicons  and Shockwave looming over him with smiles on their faceplates.
"Take the Prime to a cell, now!" Megatron ordered angrily and the decepticons quickly scurried about, Shockwave grabbing Optimus and holding his arms as firmly as possible. The vehicons all crowded about making sure that he could not escape, but Optimus was busy thinking of an escape plan. He was also worried about Ratchet.

*Timeskip brought to you by a sad timeskip*

It had been four hours since Optimus had last seen Ratchet. No word had come from anyone after the door slammed shut, it was just him and some hand cuffs that were not made for his build at all.
Just as Optimus decided he needed to recharge he heard loud arguing coming closer quickly. Then it stopped right outside the door and was replaced by loud screeching of metal that signified the opening of the door.
Suddenly, somebot was thrown in and the door slammed shut again so Optimus turned to look hoping it was Ratchet.

As he looked he felt his spark drop, it was Ratchet but he had obviously been beaten.
"Optimus, thank Primus you are here!" Ratchet said weakly and seemingly loopy.
"Ratchet what happened to you?" Optimus said in worry that something had happened to his medic.
"Bucket Head didn't like how I spoke." Ratchet answered as if it were a normal reason for him to be hurt.
But Optimus dismissed it and scanned Ratchet to see if there were any other injuries the medic had sustained.
He also had handcuffs on but he didn't have any more major injuries thankfully.

Optimus also saw how much Ratchet was shivering, he was not used to how cold the night was outside of base.
"Ratchet, old friend, I cannot sit here and watch you freeze." Optimus said and when he got no response from the medic looked over in worry.
Ratchet was squeezing his optics shut and holding his servos close to him. He was obviously freezing cold in the air of the cells.
Optimus then decided what to do so he stood up with some struggle and walked over to Ratchet and sat back down close to him.
His medic suddenly curled closer to Optimus, seeking warmth and buried himself into his leaders side.

"Thanks." He stuttered out while Optimus smiled quietly.
"Optimus?" Ratchet then said all of a sudden.
"Yes Ratchet?"
"I- I think you are cute when you smile." Ratchet blurted out and then buried his faceplates again.
Optimus was speechless at what his medic had said, it was slightly out of character for him.
"You do?"
"Well, yes, you still have a hint of Orion in you Optimus and that makes you who you are, " Ratchet replied, "and who you are is cute when it is just you and me in base!"

Ratchet then let out a vent after confessing part of his crush with doubt settling over him.
"You are, cute too." Optimus replied, stiffening at the confession on his own side.
Ratchet couldn't believe it!
"Really! I- Optimus?"
"Yes old friend?"
"I love you."
"I love you too..."

The two bots both smiled and looked at each other happily as they had confessed. Optimus reached out and hugged Ratchet despite the handcuffs, the medic cuddled up and quickly fell into recharge on his leaders chest.
"I really do love you." Optimus said softly before going into recharge himself.

That was how they were found the next morning by the vehicons who were ordered to move them as the ship was being under attack.
Let's just say the Autobots were very angry they had taken the leader and their medic...

Hi! Um, sorry if it isn't what you were looking for because I am not the best at smut and stuff so of course I picked the ship that would be kinda slow I guess?
Idk, um bye?