Unfunny Tfp Oneshots/Bloopers

Shiddy Text Things

Lmao its been a while (3 months but shhh) so I'm giving you lot a sad excuse of a chapter before I dip for another seven years :D

Jack: "Everybody shut up-" *picks up phone* "Hey Mom!"
Bumblebee: "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"
Arcee: "Come back to bed-"
Smokescreen: *various sex noises*
Optimus: "Tell her I said Hi."
Wheeljack: "Aye! Pass the Weed!"
Ratchet: *blasts out curse words*
Miko: "PUT YO PANTS BACK ON!"

Optimus: "Don't touch anything."
Smokescreen: "Yes Sir!"
Optimus: "Don't call me Sir."
Smokescreen: "... Yes Ma'am!"
Optimus: "..."

Ratchet: "Why did you give a knife to a child?!?!"
Wheeljack: "She felt unsafe.."
Ratchet: "Well now I feel unsafe!"
Wheeljack: "I'm sorry."
Wheeljack: "...Would you like a knife?"

Bumblebee: "I'm so tired I could eat a horse."
Smokescreen: "I identify as a horse and this offends me."
Miko: "I identify as offends and this horses me."
Wheeljack: "I offend horses identify me."
Ratchet: "I think the main question here is Why you would eat a horse if you were tired??"

Raf: "I'm having a problem with a guy..."
Arcee: "'His dead body won't fit in the trunk of your car' problems or 'I like him' problems?"
Raf: "I like him problems."
Arcee: "Too bad, I could have helped with the first one."

June: "I hope you three have an explanation for this."
Miko: "We have three actually-"
Bulkhead: "I thought we had four?"
Wheeljack: "You get to pick your favorite!"

Raf: "So what did the paper in your Fortune Cookie say?"
Smokescreen: *mouth full* "The what in my what"

Megatron: "I care about you all equally."
Steve: "We were attacked while you were gone Sir."
Megatron: "Oh my Primus is Soundwave OK?"

Bulkhead: "What's the weirdest place you've ever fragged someone?"
Wheeljack: "I don't think you're phsycologically prepared for this conversation."

Wheeljack, delirious from torture: "Life... is an egg."
Knockout: "...Explain?"
Wheeljack: "Has chickens in it sometimes"

Starscream: "You promise this isn't Bees again?"
Knockout, Shockwave and Soundwave, all from a distance: "Just open it."

Megatron: Alright, listen up, you little glitches!"
Megatron: "Except you Soundwave, you're an angel and we're all thrilled to have you here."

Jack: "What am I doing wrong?"
Arcee: "Do you want me to answer as a friend or a therapist?"
Jack: "A friend."
Arcee: "Go see a therapist."

Bumblebee: "I can't get too stressed, it's bad for the sparkling!"
Ultra Magnus: "What sparkling?"
Bumblebee: "Me"

Starscream: "Do you have a pink shirt I could borrow?"
Shockwave: "I'm sorr-"
Knockout: "Yes, what shade?"

Miko: "Optimus, how can I best get revenge on my enemies?"
Optimus: "The best revenge is letting go and moving on."
Miko: "..."
Miko: "Orion-"
Orion: "Brick."

Ratchet: "Rate your pain on a scale of one to ten."
Bulkhead, breathing heavily: "Zero Stars."
Ratchet: "..."
Bulkhead: "Would not recommend."

Soundwave: "I can't talk now I'm doing hot girl scrap."
Soundwave: *aggressively playing Flappy Bird on his work computer*

Fowler, answering a call: "Hello?"
Wheeljack: "It's Wheeljack."
Fowler: "What did he do this time?"
Wheeljack: "No it's me, Wheeljack."
Fowler: "What did you do this time?"

Ratchet: "Well frag you all except for Wheeljack cuz I know that's exactly what he wants."

Ratchet: "This was an 100% successful trip."
Bulkhead: "We lost Miko AND Wheeljack?"
Ratchet: "This was an 100% successful trip."

Megatron: "I really miss my Con Crew."
Megatron: "Soundwave... Shockwave... blah."
Megatron: "I forget all their names."

Ultra Magnus: "I'm at loss for words."
Optimus, narrating: "Despite this, he went on to lecture everyone in base for the next 5 hours and 45 minutes."

Miko: "Were you dropped on your head as a child?"
Raf: "Bold of you to assume I was held."

Police Officer: "I've pulled you over because you were driving a motorcycle with three people on it."
Wheeljack, with Miko and Bulkhead sat behind him: "Dang it- wait... THREE?"
Police Officer: "Yes, you and her and him-"
Wheeljack: "SMOKESCREEN FRAGGING FELL OFF??"

:')