Unfunny Tfp Oneshots/Bloopers

The Sad Tale of Percival (Part Two)

As confirmed before, Soundwave wasn't careless or mean. He was actually quite the opposite, all he needed to prove this was Laserbeak. And perhaps what happened the second he walked into his berthroom.

Laserbeak let out a loud screech and swooped down at Soundwave as the doors slid shut, the mech smiled under his visor turning to look at his symbiote fondly. This quickly changed as Laserbeak spotted the thing in his servos. With a quick change of direction, she snatched the thing from Soundwaves servo and flew off and up into the rafters the silent mech had installed as enrichment.
"LASERBEAK! NO!" Soundwave yelled over the bond, running underneath the rafter.
"DROP IT! NOW."
Laserbeak poked her head over the rafter and stared down at Soundwave, the thing hanging by the back of its neck from her beak.
"But Boss!"
"GIVE. IT. BACK."
"But I want it-"
"LASERBEAK IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW I WILL-"
"awww, it looks so yummy though"
"YOU DONT EAT HUMAN THINGS."
"STOP YELLING AT ME!"
"NO!"
"I WON'T DROP IT UNTIL YOU STOP SHOUTING!"
"ALRIGHT FINE, please drop it."
"... ugh fine..."
"I'll take you to the canyon so we can race?"
"OOH OKAY!"

The thing was immedietly dropped, giving Soundwave a spark attack as he had to run forwards to catch it.
"FRAGGING HELL BEAK DON'T DO THAT!"
"You told me to drop it?" Laserbeak responded in a tone that indicated she was purposely trying to annoy Soundwave.
"YOU KNEW WHAT I MEANT!"
"I'm a bird, I don't know anything about social situations."
"I am this close to offlining you."

------

An hour later, Soundwave still couldn't work out what The Thing was. However, he had worked out that whatever it was deserved a capital letter at the start of its' name.
He had no clue why, but it just seemed necessary. If the way it was laying upside down ontop of Laserbeak was any indication, it had to be some kind of dominating alien species that had discovered Earth. That was his running theory anyways.

*prrrrrrrr*

The Thing made yet another peculiar noise, this one barely audible to Soundwave despite the small distance he was sat away from it. Laserbeak had given up on throwing The Thing from her wings and had resigned to sitting in Soundwaves lap in a sulky fashion with an occasional disgruntled chirp to remind the silent mech how unhappy she was.

"Pleaaase can we go racing now?" She whined over the bond;
"Pleaaaaaaaaase?"
"Later, I'm busy."
"Doing what? Staring at the dumb hairy thing?"
"You mean The Thing?"
"That's what I said!"
"No you said 'the thing' it's 'The Thing'."
"That's what I called it!"
"No. You said-"
"I CALLED IT THE THING BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU CALLED IT!"
"YOU'RE SAYING IT WRONG!"
"NO I'M NOT!"
"YES YOU ARE!"
"LIAR!"

*MEAOW*

Soundwave paused to stare at The Thing, ignoring Laserbeaks screeching over the comm that he was lying. It stared back into the mechs visor for a few seconds before its mouth opened and it yawned widely, showing off its many pointy teeth in a way it looked like it was about to bite Laserbeak.
Soundwave stared in shock and horror, the pointy teeth looked very pointy.
He watched as The Thing closed its mouth again and stood up slowly. It paused for a second and it's body seemed to stretch as it leaned backwards with its front legs and stuck its tail upwards.

"Boss? Are you even listening?"
"Hm?"
"I said GET THIS THING OFF ME! IT HAS CLAWS!"

Soundwave stiffened and lifted his servos, prepared to yank The Thing off of his symbiote. He noted the distinct shake of Laserbeak frame as The Thing stood up and jumped onto the table to the left of where Soundwave was sat. He could see six small (yet deep for The Things size) scratches in Laserbeaks paint where The Thing had evidently dug it's claws into her wing. No wonder Laserbeak was basically crying into his audial like a sparkling, this Thing was evidently more dangerous that Soundwave first thought.

"BAD-!" Soundwave played a clip of Bulkhead shouting before stopping, trying to find a clip of someone saying 'thing.' Nothing came up.
The Thing hissed at the sudden shouting and ran away, much to Soundwaves horror. It jumped from his berth and ran under the pile of discarded datapads in the corner of the mechs room frantically, it's tail still sticking out from the crack it had crawled in through.
"Scrap." Soundwave said, using a recording he took of Ratchet before the war.
"If that thing touches me again I'm going to run away."
"Don't be ridiculous, it's tiny!"
"SAYS YOU! YOU'RE LIKE SEVEN TIMES THE SIZE OF ME!"
"I swear to Primus if you don't stop being such a wimp-"
"IT SCRATCHED MY PAINT!"
"Now you just sound like Knockout."
"SHUT UP!"

*HIHHHHIISSSSSSSSS*

Soundwave was ashamed to admit that he flinched an impressive amount when The Thing hissed at him. He hadn't realised how close he had walked to the pile of datapads until his pede-steps had knocked one from its balance.
He froze and stared at the tail sticking out the side in apprehension, considering wether to step back.
It took approximately sixteen seconds for him to reach the sudden realisation that:

What the hell am I doing this Thing is tiny.

He crouched down and reached out to the datapads, slowly removing the top one. He quietly made a noise similar to what The Thing was making before, a weird meowing sound.
When The Thing didn't respond, Soundwave reached into the pile and poked the ball of hair apprehensively.
"Who's the wimp now?"
He ignored Laserbeak and reached under The Thing to pick it up with a newfound confidence created from pure spite.
Bad Idea.
Soundwave let out a suprised -and pained- squeak and snatched his servo back. A few drops of Energon dripped down his digits as he watched, his own three parallel scratches stinging.

In a flame of annoyance, he knocked the datapads over and snatched The Thing up, holding it by the back of its neck with two digits like how Laserbeak had before.
It made a strange yowling noise at nothing before giving up, realising that the mech holding it wouldn't stop.

*Mrow?*

Soundwave sighed,
"I need to access an Earth Computer."

Let's assume that Cybertronian computers don't have stuff like Google.
Anyway hope you don't hate this trash! :D