Welcome to Jackass

CHAPTER FIFTY ONE

BAM:

The best day of my life was last night. When I was fucking this girl I noticed the condom felt too snug. I can size up. My ego loved that.

Anyways, that's what I'm doing at CVS today. Looking at all the different condoms there are available. Texturized? Does it have spikes on it or some shit? Hot 'n cold? I bet that feels like Icy Hot, the shit you put on sore muscles. Skin feel? Oh, those are really thin.

I settle on regular Trojan ones for now. I walk through the rest of the aisle, only to find Knoxville squatting to look at the products on the bottom shelf. His eyes are covered by his aviators and he's on the phone.

"Lynne, there's so many of 'em! Which one do I get? Clearblue? Okay. Thanks darling sister, sorry for interrupting your precious time. Asshole." He says, hanging up and grabbing a small box.

"Hey Knoxville, what's up." I say. He stands up and puts the box behind his back.

"Hey Bam, sup." He smiles nervously. "What're you here for?" He asks, changing the topic.

"Condoms. You?" I hold up the box and ask suspiciously.

"Oh you know, nothing." He shifts on his feet.

"Knoxville I see something behind your back, show me." I tell him.

"It's nothing." He replies, walking backwards. I look over to my right to see what's on the shelf he picked the box from.

Pregnancy tests.

My eyes widen and I grab his arm, revealing the pregnancy test in his hand.

"Bam listen-" I interrupted him by punching the side of his face. I am filled with rage and shock. The punch was so powerful, it completely knocked his glasses off his face, cutting his cheek open. He bumps into the other side of the aisle and looks at me in shock.

"You knocked Maddy up?!" I say, pointing my finger at him.

"We're not sure yet, that's why I'm here-" He defends himself.

"Shut up! Is there a chance that she's pregnant?" I ask again.

He shuts his mouth and picks his glasses up from the floor and puts them on his face again. He looks at the floor and nods softly.

"I oughta muff you up right now but for Maddy's sake, go home." I dismiss him.

"See ya Bam." He quickly goes to the cashier and pays.

"Hey Knox. Call me when you find out, yeah?" I tell him. He nods and walks out the store.

MADDY:

I'm all dressed, showered and somewhat fed, just waiting, sitting, on the couch. I've chewed practically all of my nails and I feel a little bit more calm than what I did when PJ left. Whatever happens, will happen. I love PJ and if I'm pregnant then we will figure it out. Of course, I'd rather not be pregnant right now.

The door opening interrupts me from my thoughts and I see PJ's back, closing the door. I stand up and walk up to him. He has a bit of red on his cheek. The fuck?

"Hey Mads, did ya eat?" He says, placing his keys and wallet down.

"Y-yeah. I did. What's going on?" I say, grabbing his glasses and taking them off his face to reveal a small cut on his cheek, dripping blood.

"Should I even ask what happened?" I say, damping a paper towel and placing it on his cheek. I've learned to get used to Knoxville coming home all battered up at this point.

"I ran into Bam at CVS." Oh shit.

"Does he know?" I ask, shocked. I don't want Bam to know, we don't even know yet!

"What do you think?" He says sarcastically.

"Dick." I say at his tone, pressing harder on his gash.

"Fuck, sorry." He says, hissing and apologizing for his sarcastic response.

I took him into the bathroom and placed a small band-aid on his cheek.

"All better."

"Thanks baby." He kisses my lips. We stand uncomfortably in the bathroom.

"So..." he mumbles.

"So." I respond.

We stand in silence, PJ's hands holding the small box nervously.

"Do you wanna just get this over with?" He initiates. I think for a second and nod. He opens the box and pulls the small plastic stick out. He opens the instructions and eyes them quickly.

"Okay, pee here." He takes the blue cap off of the stick. I stand awkwardly. "What are you waiting for?" He asks, leaning on the counter.

"Can you wait for me outside p-please." I say softly. He looks at me in shock.

"Maddy, I've literally been inside you and you can't pee in front of me?"

"PJ. Please." I whine.

"Fine, fine. Come out when you're done." He lifts his hands in surrender. I exhale softly and speak.

"Thank you." He nods and closes the door. I pull my shorts down and sit on the toilet. Once I'm done peeing on the stick, I put the cap back on it and clean up. I'm washing my hands when PJ comes back in and starts the 3 minute timer.

"Now we wait." He says with a small smile. I nod and leave the test in the bathroom.

PJ sits on the bed and watches me uncomfortably standing near the bathroom door.

"Baby." He grabs my attention. "C'mere." He reaches his arms out as I get closer to him.

He scoots back on the bed a little, allowing me to sit on his lap comfortably. He wraps his arm around me and holds my head with the other arm. I bury my face in his warm chest and let him place kisses on my hairline.

"You know Mads, whatever happens, I'll be right here." He whispers.

"I'm not ready to be a mom. I can barely take care of myself." I whimper.

"I'm not ready either. But if you're pregnant, we will try our best and we will love them so much. I'll take care of both of you, okay?" He says. I nod and as if on cue, the timer rings.

He looks at me and nods softly. I walk to the bathroom, holding PJ's hand and hesitate before grabbing the pregnancy test and reading it.

Not pregnant.

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A/N: punkd!