FRAT LINE|Year 2&3-KNJ✔️

++2++

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+XAVIER+

The headache that I wake up with is ridiculous. I can't even think straight. I feel so out of it. My eyes are puffy and my body feels heavy. The urge to miss this class and stay in bed is strong. It's not like I couldn't catch up.

But then I'll be here by myself.

That thought is the catalyst that gets me up. I get out of bed and go to the bathroom. I take a shower, brush my teeth, wash my face and pee.

I don't realize how slow I'm moving until I get back in the bedroom and check the time.

"Baby?"

"Hm?" I look at Janae as she comes into the room.

She's dressed already. She showered last night before I left so she wouldn't have to this morning. She's not a very consistent morning person so minimizing what she has to do before class helps her a lot.

"You're not dressed yet."

I look down at the towel around my waist.

"I didn't realize what time it was. I've been kinda..." I trail off as I walk to the dresser. My eyes burn and I close my eyes willing it to just go away.

"Xavier, what's going on?" Janae asks softly. "You're making me nervous."

I look over at her and she's rubbing her fingers. A nervous tick of hers.

"I'm okay."

She takes a minute to respond as she observes me. "You don't have to hide, Xavier. You can talk to me."

I shake my head and look back at dresser. "No." My voice cracks as it becomes thick with the tears pooling in my eyes. "I can't. Not this."

"... what happened?"

I sniffle and open the drawers to get clothes out.

"Nothing happened."

I start putting my clothes on and she stands in the middle of the room. She's overthinking. I can see it in her eyes as I put my underwear and jeans on. I grab my shirt and put it on before cupping her cheeks.

"Look at me, baby. Nothing happened. You did nothing wrong. And I love you. It's just me.." My voice cracks again and I hate myself for it.

Her confusion and worry only grows. "What are you talking about? What do you mean?"

"I love you."

"I know, Xavier. What's wrong?"

She's becoming frustrated with my current state. I hope that she doesn't think the worst of me. She has to know that I would never... I could never.

"I can't talk about it... right now." I shake my head and Janae squints her eyes at me. She wraps her arms around my torso, pulling me closer to her.

"Is there somebody else you feel more comfortable talking to then?" She sounds hurt that it isn't her, but still helpful.

I hate myself for this. For all of this. Why can't I just be like everybody else? Why do I have to be so different? What makes me this way? What's the reason?

"Maybe Lia? Or Joon?" Janae suggests as she wipes my eyes. "I just want you to talk to somebody, baby. It doesn't have to be me."

I lick my lips and bite the bottom one. "I'm gonna.. I'm gonna call Joon when I get to campus. We have to go to class. We can't miss anything. I'm a senior and you're new."