FRAT LINE|Year 2&3-KNJ✔️

++21++

++NAMJOON++

I had this whole idea in my head of what I'd be for Halloween. I had a whole plan for Malia and I and it's gone to shit. I was so excited to tell her about what our costumes should be and now I can't do that.

No longer caring about the theatrics of this Halloween slash costume party, I dress in jeans and a long sleeved shirt with sneakers. I spray myself with cologne and grab my coat before heading out.

There's a lot on my mind as I walk to my car. So much shit. That's all I feel, is completely overwhelmed. I've gotten some things off of my chest, some very heavy things off of my chest.

I talked to Mr. Ward the other day and to everyone's surprise, my mother showed up here too. Malia's father told me that Seokjin asked him to tell her a bit about what was going on. Enough to get her here, not to flip the fuck out.

Seokjin felt like something wasn't right even with Malia breaking up with me. And he wasn't wrong, but my mother still got here... and flipped the fuck out after I told her everything.

I spoke with her, Mr. Ward and Mrs. Ward. Mr. Ward sat in silence, visibly upset and staring at the carpet. His wife and my mom were so mad that they started crying. Mrs. Ward whispered 'oh, Joon' in the most broken tone I've ever heard her use. 

My mom seemed more hurt than anything else. After the Wards left to go have dinner with Malia and Janae, she bawled. She was in complete hysterics because of how upset, yet sad that she was.

She just kept saying that it was her fault. She was a bad parent, a terrible mother. She kept saying that she should have watched me more, that she should've payed more attention. But that isn't true.

My mother was down my throat during my junior and senior year. She did pay attention. She did watch me. I was just really good at being fucking sneaky. I was really good at hiding things from her, even if it was only one. And I had that same thing's help to keep herself hidden.

My mother is a nurse. A very hardworking, respectable nurse. She worked overtime all the time. She still does. When I was younger, I thought she was doing it to stay away from me. Raeya told me so.

That I reminded my mother of my father so she couldn't stand to be around me. That she worked so much to cope with my father's death. When I was younger, that's what I believed. Because to me, that made sense and 'Raeya wouldn't lie to me'. So I thought.

Now that I'm older, I know that she was paying off medical bills. I know that she was putting a surplus of money away for me to go to college, to by me a new car for my 17th birthday. To make sure that I always had money to go out with my friends. My father left us money, he left us his car. But with the extenuating medical bills, she had to sell them. Even with his life insurance payout, we were still in debt. Though, my mother never wanted me to know that.

My mother is very goal oriented. She wanted to pay off every medical bill in existence so that as I got older and became more aware, we'd be long out of the debt and I could live my life as a normal teenager, a normal college student.

She did most of it. By the time I graduated, she only owed $4,000 plus interest. We split the payoff when I closed my first certificate.

Raeya would've told me that I shouldn't have done that. That I should've let her pay it off herself. She'd hace said something along the line of 'she's my mother, she shouldn't be giving me big responsibilities like that'. She'd have told me that it wasn't my job to worry about her debt.

But she's my mother. And it was stressing her out and she was working herself half to death. No matter what Raeya told me about her, I didn't want to see her like that.