The Military School (En)

The letters (part 1)

Carina had made herself comfortable in her bed.
She had sent a message to Maya to let her know that she was going to start reading her letters.

Maya was still on duty.

//

Letter n°48

Amore-mio,

Yesterday I received bad news, terrible news, I don't know if I could ever get over it, I don't even know if I could face the fact that I would never see him again. He is, no he was, my best friend, my confidant, my brother.
I can't live without him and here I am alone, alone with my loneliness, without you. The day before yesterday I received your letters and I was happy, happy to read you and yesterday I received the worst news.
I don't know if I can go on, if I can be happy again, not without him. I won't be the one you loved anymore, I can't even cry, is it reality or this nightmare I have every time. Here the sky is gray, nothing reminds me of you, the Italians are gone and I'm here, alone, without you, without him. Without anyone to hold on to. I lost all my senses this morning, I don't remember the sound of your voice, I don't know what your mouth tastes like, or your smell, I can't feel your skin under my fingers, I can't see your face. I look at your pictures, our pictures and I don't recognize anything anymore, as if this life was not mine, as if my soul had left my body.

//

Carina cried as she read the letter, she felt Maya's deep sadness. Many things were coming back into place in this story with blanks, why had she done this, what had she felt...

//

Letter n°52

Amore-mio,

Can we really say that I am writing to you? You will probably never read them. I didn't have the strength to answer you, to send you the last four letters. I love you, I know it, but I don't know if I am capable of loving again. You asked me to come back as I was, but I am not

//

Letter n°60

Amore-mio,

Considering the monster I have become, do I still have the right to call you that? Who am I talking to? Who am I trying to fool by writing to you? I have become cold, the others have noticed.
I don't know if I told you that I couldn't go to his funeral, I had a leave of absence, but on principle, how could they expect me to travel twice around the world in 24 hours and attend the ceremony.
I read your letters, I hadn't read them for two weeks. I see that you are worried but I don't even know if I feel anything, sadness for you, I have no soul

//

Letter n°66

Carina,

I'm sorry, I just saw your letter 62, I thought my parents had told you. Mason will still be your brother-in-law, but what are we to each other? I read you and I feel that you love me, and I love you, I love you, if you only knew how much I love you. You tell me that you will be there for me, but I am not her, I am not your Maya anymore. I have nightmares at night, what if I end up like him? If I die here, I can't do that to you. I love you too much. Maybe one day I'll be fixed. But in the meantime I can't let you get your hopes up after me. Fly away, go to my parents, go say goodbye. I can't keep you a prisoner. Go out, meet people, fall in love. I will never forget you, even if I wanted to, I couldn't.

//

Carina was in tears, she couldn't stop reading the letters. She could keep reading until she dropped off the car tomorrow morning at Maya before going to her consultations. She had made some appointments for Saturday morning as she had been away for most of the week. This would allow Maya to get some sleep before they got together.