The Military School (En)

The letters (part 2)

Carina was getting ready to go to her brother's house for lunch.
She hesitated to read some letters before going. She didn't want her brother to get scared if she arrived with red eyes. She still had more than an hour to go.

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Letter n° 113

Carina,

I don't know what came over me in the last letter, all this display of feeling as if I deserved to tell you all this. I'm working, trying to take my mind off things. I've started training as a volunteer firefighter. You'd like that, I think. What am I thinking, what's the point of writing to you when I refuse to call you, talk to you, see you, I refuse to even let anyone talk about you. I, shit my mother calls me...

//

Letter n° 122

Carina,

It is the beginning of May. It is the beginning of May and I am still ignoring you. But you don't, how long are you going to go on like this? I wish I didn't read your letters, I wish I did, but I can't. My room is plastered with your pictures. I look at you and see you with this blonde who looks like me, at least physically. She smiles, she looks alive. Much more than me. I have to stop my geremiads.

//

Letter n° 131

The sun warms my skin, I feel it, I might as well stay here and burn. It warms my skin but I'm cold. My heart is an iceberg. And I feel like only your arms could warm me. I look at the sun and see you smiling at me again. How I miss your smile. And your laugh. It is so sweet. I want to die and I dream of damnation and that you are my executioner. Anyway I am already in hell. Without him, without you. He should be in heaven. He didn't deserve this. And I don't deserve you. Who deserves someone them makes suffer?
You write me that you love me and what do you get in return, my eternal silence. Sometimes I imagine you kissing someone else, Amelia maybe, that Addison girl or another girl and I want to vomit, to die, my heart is tearing but I feel something. Isn't pain worth it when it's the only feeling that makes us exist. I get up in the morning. I get up and walk, I wander around waiting to work, waiting to receive one of your letters.

I love you, I don't deserve to tell you but it's been way too long. I love you I love you I love you Carina, ti amo, per sempre

Maya

//

Amore-mio : wow you finished a letter !

Bambina: Are you still reading? But weren't you supposed to go to Andrea's?

Amore-mio: yes, but within 20 minutes. But you finished a letter! That's a good sign!

Bambina: I'm not going to spoil it for you. And I don't want to get yelled at by your brother for crying about me

Amore-mio : leave me, you prevent me from reading.
Amore-mio : ti amo

Bambina: I love you to infinity

Amore-mio : and beyond, buzz the lightning ?

Bambina: and beyond, Woody.

Amore-mio : they are not gay

Bambina: but I do!

//

Letter n° 132

But what did it take to myself ?! Was I serious in my last letter? I lost the right to talk to you like that! What a piece of shit! I am disgusted. You send me all your love and I ignore you, who does that? Who does that ... And I dare to tell you that I love you. But I hope that if you meet me one day you'll destroy me like I destroyed you