Getting back to "Normal" | Rhekker

Chapter 58- Losing hope

"Are you okey there Dr. Rhodes" Maggie asked, coming up to him at the nurses station.
"Yeah, I'm just trying to remember my password" he rubbed his eye.
"Mhm"
"You might want to" she pointed to her own hair.
"Here" she held up a compact mirror for him to see his reflection.

Connors hair was disheveled and out of place. "Here, can I" she pointed to his hair.
"Sure" he agreed.
Maggie ran her hand through his hair, shuffling and rearranging the hairs until they fell into place. "There" she stepped back.
"You've been sleeping alright, love?"
"No" he admitted.
"I've just been stressed that's all" he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Maggie rubbed his arm before walking away from the nurses station, leaving Connor to recall his password.

Connor went through the rest of his shift in a haze, the taste of latte stuck in his throat. Connor chose walk home, finding himself too tired to drive.
The Chicago wind tussled his hair again, undoing Maggie's handy work. The bag under his eyes hung lower, pulling him down.
Connors hands twitched in his pockets as he made his way down the streets passing a neon sign. He stopped and went into the store, the bell dining above him as he entered.
"Hey, can I get a pack of Newport and a lighter" Connor slid the cash onto the desk.
"No problem buddy" the man handed him the cigarettes and red lighter.
Connor left the store quickly, looking around he buried his purchase deep into his coat pocket.

Connor returned to his apartment, quickly opening the cardboard box with trembling fingers. He brought the roll to his lips and cupped his hands around the lighter, striking it a few times until it lit. Connor left the packet and went out to the balcony before exhaling, not wanting his house to smell of smoke.
He exhaled through his nose, coughing a little like a first time smoker. Connor remembered the first time he'd smoked, he was fourteen and his cousin had lit it for him. Scolding him as he spluttered and coughed. He hadn't smoked since he was seventeen, that was harder to kick then the drugs. He still found it calmed him in times of great stress. He exhaled once more as his fingers stopped trembling, his mind clearing.

Connor had his arm around Ava's waist, they were waiting to get the train back to her apartment. She wore his long winter jacket that hung just under her knees. Ava stayed near him for warmth, standing in a comfortable silence after there date.
A man exhaled as he passed them by and Ava hid her face deeper into Connor's chest, "is everything okey?" He asked into the top of her curls.
Ava pulled her face back, resting her head on his shoulders, "yeah, I just hate the smell of cigarette smoke, it's such an awful habit you know?"
"Although I suppose I'm preaching to the piper here" Ava tilted her head up, meeting his lips with hers, Connor ran a hand through her smoke scent hair, pulling her closer.

Ava's words rang through his ears as he dropped his half smoked cigarette, watching as it burnt out and fell the fourteen floors to the side walk. Connor went back into the apartment and threw the cigarettes and lighter into the trash. He rushed into the shower, stripping off his clothes he threw them into the laundry hamper. He brushed his teeth and used mouth washed twice, trying to get the smell of smoke off him.

He changed into a fresh pair of sweatpants, pulling on Ava's favourite shirt of his, the collar scented with her perfume. Connor rubbed his eyes, making his way to the fridge he pulled out two beers.

Connor collapsed onto the sofa, taking out his phone he brought the first beer to his lips. Connor scrolled through the photo album he had renamed aves 🪐.
He went through all the photos he had of her. Some taken formally at work dinners or galas, but most were in their apartment, many of which Ava wasn't even looking at the camera.
Connor studied each of them, her smile, they way her nose scrunched, the shape of her lips, and eyes, the way her hair fell.

He sniffled and wiped under his eye after reaching the end of the album. The two beers were empty on the table next to him. He threw them in the trash before making his way to the bedroom. Connor got ready for bed and brushed his teeth, his emotion building as he slowly making his way to bed. Before he could Connor slumped back against the bathroom wall, his hair frizzing up behind him.

I need you now Avery

*

Hank and Jay stood in the dim hospital light looking at the screen before them. Jay ran his hand over his scruffy beard and looked away, swallowing a lump in his throat.
"She was found with these" a man handed Hank a plastic bag with a navy hoodie in it.
"Thank you" Hank said stiffly, no taking his eyes off what's was before him.
The man walked out and left jay and Hank alone.
"Get Connor down here"