Secret Desires

3: Maybe I Was Wrong

January 20th

One week ago

        "It's not over the top," Bailey argued. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "It's one of my favorite moments." Her eyes flashed to Dean who was trying not to laugh. I wanted to tell her how incredibly cheesy her favorite moment was. And it was. A boy giving her a dozen roses and telling her that each rose was for every month they dated is cheesy. That same boy crying and getting down on one knee to give her a promise ring is also cheesy. Giving her those things on Valentine's day with all their friends watching and recording isn't just cheesy, it's cringy.

        She showed us the video and we all watched quietly. It took immense control to maintain the smile on my face. It didn't even falter when Bailey started crying in the video. She was an ugly crier. Jill kept shoveling food into her mouth so she didn't have to say anything. Dean didn't seem the least phased by it. He looked as if he'd already seen it. Bailey kept pointing to her phone screen when she wanted to explain certain points of the video. I was critical of each thing she said but still, I kept smiling.

        When Jill said the whole thing was over the top Bailey got visibly offended. This whole thing started because of her anyway. I just wanted to eat my breakfast and go to first period.

        "If it made you happy that's all that matters," Dean told Bailey. She narrowed her eyes at him. He just shrugged before wrapping an arm around her, pulling her in for a kiss. If they weren't so close to me I'd gag. Bailey giggled a sickly sweet sound.

        "Don't you have any moments like that? I can't be the only one." It sounded like she was asking him to back her up right now. She looked into Dean's eyes with such intensity I felt like I shouldn't be looking. I couldn't look away though. But Dean did. His eyes met mine as he smiled a little uncomfortably. Bailey noticed and seemed to immediately regret her question.

        "Can I share ours?" I sat up straight, taken aback by the question. I definitely wasn't prepared for that. Jill nearly choked on her food as she coughed up a piece of egg into her hand. She had tears in her eyes as she took the juice I offered her. Jill nodded her head to me with a forced smile. She coughed again before drinking the juice. I rubbed her back, hoping it was enough to distract us all from the question.

        "Are you okay?' I asked. Jill nodded, sipping on the juice box again. Bailey gave her a napkin to wipe her mouth. Jill took it before trying to say her thanks. Her voice was strained.

        "Here." Dean slid his juice across the table to her. She tried to speak again, her voice a little more audible. We all waited until she was done with the second juice box and was able to speak. When she felt better she gave us all a thumbs up. I rolled my eyes when she took another huge bite of food and shoved it into her mouth.

        "You're the worst," I told her. She smiled as she chewed the obnoxious amount of food in her mouth. I had hoped that Dean would take the hint and move on to something else. From the way Bailey sipped on her drink, eyes darting from Dean to me, I could tell she had hoped for the same thing. Dean pulled his arm from Bailey and leaned forward. He rested his elbows on the table as he looked at me in question.

        "What?" I asked. Maybe if I play stupid he'll drop it. The last thing I wanted to do was make Bailey hate me. I have done what I could to make her comfortable with me and Dean being friends. I didn't want to ruin our progress. I also didn't want to hurt his feelings, but now wasn't the time. Taking Bailey down memory lane with Dean and me felt weird. Didn't he get that?

        "Can I tell her?" He asked me as if he were asking to share some secret of ours. Anyone who went to our freshman spring dance knew about it. It wasn't a secret. She should already know this story. Short and sweet version, Dean snuck a live band into school during our spring dance. They played one of the sweetest songs I'd ever heard and dedicated it to us. The lyrics had been changed so that instead of the word baby, it was my name being sung.