Secret Desires

11: Against All Odds

        "Come over later if you can... Please."

        The front door opened just as I started to walk away. He gave me a knowing look. I came just as he asked, but I had changed my mind. I had a foot on the first step down the stairs as he waited for me to decide. Was I staying or was I going? Though I wanted to go with the latter, I chose to stay. Probably not the wise choice, but I wanted to get this over with. This was the last conversation I wanted to have with him. The last anything I wanted to have with him. He chose to move on. Why can't I?

        "You didn't even knock," he noted. I sighed as I stepped back onto his porch, making my way into his house.

        "Were you staring out your peephole or something?" My tone wasn't kind. He didn't deserve my kindness. Not after the stunt he pulled today. Before David had left, I noticed him rubbing at his jaw. It made me give Jake dirty looks the entire time he was at my house.

        "Or something," he muttered. I rolled my eyes as I stood in his hallway. I hated being back here. The only memory I had of being here was when we met with the lawyer. I almost threw up on the car ride here the first time. My stomach was nauseous now just thinking of how I was in his home again. Only this time, there was no lawyer and my mom wasn't with me. We didn't have to pretend. Once again, it felt like the universe was mocking me.

        Here I was, standing in his house. And all I felt for him right now was an immense amount of anger and disappointment. If I had been given this opportunity in the past, who knows what would have happened... As the smell of pine filled my nose, I couldn't help but inhale deeply. I hated myself for doing it, but it was almost an instinct to do so when I was around him. I still loved the smell of pine... Why couldn't he smell like bourbon or cedarwood?

        "Where's your girlfriend?" I asked.

        "Jumping in right away I see," he sighed. I pursed my lips as I looked around his living room, noting slight changes. Things that hadn't been there before. A teal vase with obvious fake flowers sat on his window sill. Three yellow pillows with corny sayings decorated his long black sofa. A pink throw blanket resting on the back of an accent chair that definitely wasn't here before. Not even the accent chair was here the last time. It was blue with a floral pattern all over it. There were so many other things I could point out. She practically moved in. These changes certainly couldn't have been from him.

        "Does she live here?" I ran my fingers across the surface of the console table beside me. There was a ring dish that was shaped like a heart. Two rings rested in its center. Both were thin gold bands with different cut stones. They both homed a dark blue gemstone that I assumed was her birthstone. That or she just liked the color, but my mind was already overanalyzing.

        Sapphire was dark blue. Saphire was September's birthstone. She was either a Libra or a Virgo. Which was worse? Was she compatible with Jake? Was I? Why have I never looked more into this? It didn't matter anymore anyway. Weren't Virgos people pleasers? Well, he certainly seems pleased... Yellow pillows, really? And who has a pillow that says "It's ok to be a little nuts" with the silhouette of a squirrel on it?

        "No, she doesn't live here." He stepped around me and gestured for me to sit. I glanced over my shoulder to the door, debating if I should go home. I had to remind myself of why I was here.

        Just get it over with, and everything will be okay after.

        I did a double-take at a photo hanging on his wall. It was a picture of him and Vanessa kissing. There was confetti everywhere and a banner that read 'Happy New Year' above them. There were others celebrating and sharing a kiss or an embrace. I didn't pay attention to the others, only them. It shouldn't hurt to see this, but it did. I was jealous. I knew that's what it was. Jealousy at its finest.