Secret Desires

20: Josephine

        I lifted one of the roses to my nose, deeply inhaling the wonderful fragrance. It filled my nose, calming my nerves. The petals were soft against my skin as I pressed my nose in further, indulging in the scent. It was familiar. It took me back to Valentine's Day, almost three months ago.

        Jake had given me a bouquet of white roses, explaining to me that they symbolized new beginnings. It was more than fitting. As fitting as the necklace I had around my neck. I remember reaching to touch the flower resting at the base of my throat, grabbing his attention. He'd asked where I had gotten it before complimenting the necklace.

        I didn't lie. I told him David had given it to me as a late Christmas gift. It was meant to be given to me after my trial win.

        When Jake lifted his hand to touch the small golden lotus, I froze. I think that I expected the worse when he reached for it. His fingers brushing against my throat made me tense. I was feeling the after-effects of our fight, my body reacting more than my mind was. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but that hadn't stopped me from fearing him being that close to me.

        How often had Nolan stroked the side of my neck, only to seductively whisper a threat in my ear? That gentle stroke turned into a hand gripping at my throat, cutting off my air. A caress on the cheek would quickly turn to a slap. A hand running through my hair would become a fist, pulling or dragging me as strands ripped from my scalp.

        It was the blow. I was still waiting for the blow.

        But Jake did not hurt me. There wasn't even a hint of anger on his face. He simply asked if the necklace meant anything like the white roses meant something. Hesitantly, I explained what David had told me earlier that day about what the lotus meant.

        It was a meaning that was deeply instilled into me now.

        The notion that I too could break free from my darkness and bloom in the light, just as a lotus does... It was a hope and a promise that I looked forward to. I tried to remember that I too was growing, getting stronger every day.

        To my surprise, Jake complimented the necklace. He smiled and said it was perfect for me. In his eyes, I could see he truly meant it. There was no animosity or double meaning in his words. I tried to not let him see my shock, but it was hard to hide.

        I didn't hide my shock though when he pulled a small black bag from the back seat. Before opening it, he turned the radio on and started playing music from his phone. He was playing songs from a playlist that he made, each one dedicated to not just me, but us. I couldn't control the pure joy at knowing most of the songs playing were songs I had on my phone. Songs that I resonated with the most.

        When he opened the bag, he pulled out a thermos with two small mugs. Inside the thermos was hot chocolate that he'd made for us. He said that he made it earlier, but that he didn't know I had plans tonight. He made it twice, hoping it would still be hot when I came home. Again, there was no animosity in his words.

        As he handed me a mug and filled it, I felt a small tinge of guilt. That guilt only grew when he opened an app on his phone and activated something under 'lights'. My confusion lasted maybe a second before the lot slowly became illuminated. Those small objects on the ground that I hadn't been able to make out earlier, they had been candles. Various-sized battery-operated candles.

        Fake flames flickered to life, one by one. The warm glow stretched out around us. There were so many of them. I wondered how long it took him to set all of it up. He'd made a joke about how long it took just to sync up all the candles to one app.