Secret Desires

✧ 2: Kept In The Dark

✧ July 15

       I winced as my mother helped me sit up. She looked at me apologetically, eyeing my side as if she could see through to where the pain was. It was a pain that I would most likely never be rid of. The sharp pangs came and went. They worsened whenever I did anything that wasn't breathing, sleeping, or staying still. Pain meds helped, but they made me tired.

       I'd spent most of my time in this hospital sleeping to avoid the pain. It was going to be chronic, I knew that already. The doctor told me as much. Most of my life was going to be spent in pain. He hadn't said those words exactly, but it's what he meant. I'd need to change everything. How I slept, what I ate, how much I exercised, how much I could lift and carry...

       My doctor told me I would probably never make a full recovery, but it was possible. It could take months before I felt near normal again. Even then, I would never be normal. My internal injuries had been severe. I had injuries to my small bowel, my liver, blood vessels, and tissue. Big words had been thrown at me that I hadn't understood. It was a nurse who dumbed it down for me later on. Apparently, I'd needed a blood transfusion too.

       No one would tell me right away, but after my first surgery, it had been a waiting game those first twenty-four hours. If anything were going to happen, it would've happened within that time frame.

       "Did you decide on what you're hungry for?" I made a face at my mom. She knelt to put my shoes on—another thing I'd have to get used to. I'd need to change my shoes for slip-ons. I wouldn't be able to handle anything with laces. Nothing that required bending over.

       "Not like I have many choices," I said under my breath. She heard of course. My mom smiled as she tied my laces.

       "We'll find something." Changing my diet was something I wasn't looking forward to. The list of options I was given wasn't very long. The list of foods and drinks to avoid, however, was long.

       No caffeinated drinks, don't eat anything spicy, nothing fried or greasy, no junk food at all, minimal raw produce, avoid high-fiber foods and many more things that were infuriating. I was to stick to this diet for a total of five months. That's how long it would take for me to heal. The pain would ease and was expected to be minimal after that, but it might always be there.

       "After I'm discharged, can we stop in the cafeteria to get a yogurt?" I asked. She tightened my laces before standing, brushing off her knees. The yogurt had been the one food here that I actually liked. It was a brand I hadn't heard of before. When we looked it up it wasn't even sold back home. My mom nodded, laughing as she turned to grab her purse from the recliner.

       "I'll go get it. We're still waiting on those papers anyway. I'll call and check in with everyone while I'm down there." Who everyone was I had no idea. But I nodded in answer, smiling as she turned to leave. I heard her gasp and then laugh in the hallway. David's voice followed but I didn't hear his words.

       When he stepped into my room, my eyes widened in surprise. He turned in a small circle as he displayed his right arm which was no longer in a sling.

       "You don't have to wear it anymore?" I asked.

       "Nope. I can go without it, but I still need to do some physical therapy. Which means... " He came to sit beside me, wincing at some movement. He rubbed at the area below his collarbone near his right shoulder. I swallowed as the echo of a gun going off rang through my head. "I get to slack off when we get home."

       "Nice." My voice was a bit strained. My smile was tight as I nodded at him. He didn't notice as he stared toward the doorway. He lowered his hand to his lap, his other hand gripping the edge of the bed. I looked him over, feeling my heart race as that echo sounded again.