Secret Desires

21: The Last Scene

"In time, I could learn to be without you." I brushed my hand across Dean's cheek, my hand shaking slightly. My fingers have been trembling ever since the curtain came up. Dean reached up and held my hand to his face, squeezing gently. His hands were clammy, the only sure sign that he was as nervous as I was. "It doesn't mean I wish to though."

Dean took his scripted step toward me, leaning down a bit to be at eye level with me. My heart was beating uncontrollably in my chest, a wild and erratic thing.    

"Is this it then? Am I so easily forgettable?" He pulled my hand away from his face, holding it to his chest. My hand splayed to feel the heart that beat within. I'd once loved this heart. And once, this scene had felt a little too familiar. It hit a little too close to home.

Now though, it was an echo of what I felt before. I still loved Dean. But it was not a romantic sort of love anymore. I cared for him deeply and couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I loved him and I always would. I didn't doubt that he felt the same way about me.

"Like some unimportant thought crossing your mind?" He delivered his lines so passionately. "Has my presence," he went on, "all these long years... Has it burdened you? Was love not enough- "

"You were always enough for me." An echo. This was all an echo of what I felt before. But now, these lines spoke to me on a different level. They resonated in another way.

"Then why do we pardon ways vehemently so?" Dean's voice dropped an octave. My bottom lip quivered as I stared into his eyes. My mind was elsewhere but I was still here.

He left. David had left. He told me he didn't believe in me and then he just left.

"This is the way things must be... " No one would know just how bare I was laying myself. My heart was on display for everyone to see and they had absolutely no idea.

My eyes drifted toward the audience. We were on the last scene before intermission. From the people I could see up front, they seemed to be enjoying the play. With the lights on us and the glare from the floor, it was hard to see past the first few rows. My mother was somewhere in the first row, but I couldn't see her; not with the lights on us.

Dean placed a hand on my cheek, gently turning my face back toward him. I spoke again.

"You can't love me this way. Not when it's unrequited." He left. David left... I felt things for him that were hard to explain. I knew that I had feelings for him, but did he even feel the same way? Was I really that helpless in his eyes? He thought me delicate and feeble this entire time. And he wanted something more with me. More of what? Me being helpless while he took on the role of my savior?

I am not weak. And I wasn't looking for a caretaker, I was looking for-

"When the Earth stops spinning... " Dean lowered his mouth to mine, his words nearly brushing my lips. "And the sun's light ceases to exist, only then will I ever stop loving you."

I closed my eyes as he closed the small distance between us, kissing me with as much passion as he had before. He held my face as he kissed me. I kissed him back, my hand still on his chest. I could feel his heart pounding beneath the thin material of his shirt.

There were only three scenes in which Dean and I kiss. The first is when Josephine realizes she loves Victor in the midst of all her problems. The second is when Josephine tries to break things off with him... because she doubts he truly loves her. The third is when they part ways and say goodbye.

This was the second kiss. We still had one more to go.

I thought I'd feel weird about kissing Dean again, that old feelings I once felt so strongly would stir. But my mind was elsewhere. Even as I gave my all as Josephine, I was still distracted by the hurt I felt.