Secret Desires

37: Iron And Thorns And Ice

        At some point, I'd fallen asleep on David while still on the floor. He hadn't protested against it and I wasn't ready to leave the comfort of the steady rise and fall of his chest. The low thrumming of his heart against my ear was soothing. As was his soft breathing in my hair.

       I'd awoken twice. The first time had been when I heard him whispering to Drew, keeping his voice low to not wake me. She'd asked him what we were doing and he said he couldn't leave me alone. Not that he didn't want to, he couldn't. He felt that he needed to be with me on the floor.

       Drew only said goodnight before making her way back down the stairs. I had wondered what she made of it all, but I doubt she would bring it up unless I did.

       The second time I awoke was when the floor suddenly left from under me. It was a fight to keep my eyes open as David scooped me up off the floor to carry me to the bed. I'd said something to him, voice heavy with sleep, but he shushed me.

       As he laid me in bed, I kept a hold of his arm. I hadn't wanted him to leave, but he said I needed to get some rest. That I wasn't going to get any if he stayed with me and sleeping on the floor was going to be something I'd regret in the morning if I continued to do so.

       I don't remember anything after that, but I slept the rest of the night without any nightmares. I didn't bother with telling him about the one I'd had before he came up to my room. It was something I'd leave unspoken.

       In the morning, or later in the night really, I woke up to David knocking at the door. He'd been half asleep when he told me that our flight had changed. We were now taking the first flight out instead of the third one. There were three flights the juniors were to take. I understood why we were on the third flight. David's ticket and my ticket were purchased last minute. But now for some reason, we were to be on the first flight. I knew from Jill that she and Dean would be on the first flight because they were one of the first to confirm that they were going on this trip.

       I had been too tired to argue or ask any questions, so I just groaned with a nod, waving David away. He said something else that had been lost in a yawn. Our original flight was for eleven thirty. We were losing almost six hours of sleep.

       By the time I was almost done getting ready for the day ahead, David was coming up the stairs fully dressed and ready to go. I was in the bathroom putting my jacket on with my toothbrush in my mouth. I stopped to look at him, smiling sheepishly.

       "You're still not ready?" I shrugged, trying to say something and nearly choking on toothpaste. David raised an eyebrow at me, smirking to himself. I waved him off as I closed the bathroom door. He laughed as I rolled my eyes in the mirror.

       "I'll bring your bag downstairs. Don't forget your phone," he said through the door.

       "Mhm." I spit into the sink, rushing now. I still needed to brush my hair.

       As I brushed out any tangles, I started to feel my nerves getting to me. I should have spent more time mentally preparing myself. Not for the trip, but for arriving at the airport. I was trying to remind myself that no matter what anyone says or thinks, I deserve to be a part of this trip too. I passed all my classes. I should try to have fun on this trip. Despite everything happening around me, I should have fun.

       I deserve to be happy. Don't I?

       I blinked at the mirror, looking myself over. I was ready but I was still trying to be mentally ready. I took a few deep breaths, nodding to myself. Reassuring myself.